Warning! If she cheats or rebounds do not take her back!!!

[titipornstar]

Take if from me a 4 year relationship where we were engaged. Afer 3 years and a couple of rough months where I was stressed at work she left me, for being emotionally unattached. After a few weeks she met someone new and he moved in to her new place, i was devastated , therapy antidepressants and mentally unwell!

 

After 2 months i get a call, she was sorry made a huge mistake and begged me back, i will never leave you again she said! I took her back to relieve my pain and because i loved her.

I warn you nothing will be the same, we used to have a fantastic sex life, the intimacy and bond was totally destroyed as well as the trust.

 

I was willing to work at it, fast forward till 2 months ago she left me, met someone new and is now on a rebound i think.

Once its broke its broke!

[seminoles84]

Interesting user name.

[dvx]

I was willing to work at it, fast forward till 2 months ago she left me, met someone new and is now on a rebound i think.

Once its broke its broke!

 

So..what else is new?

 

You took back a cheater, what did you expect? Next time grow some balls and cancel that b like nino.

[titipornstar]

agreed you live and learn its just i see a lot of people here wanting to get back no matter what... it dosent work like this... i learnt the hard way

 

now i been screwed over again

[No Limit]

The problem is that many, many people need to learn the hard way. Foresight isn't everybody's strength, nor common sense.

[hamster-girl]

agreed you live and learn its just i see a lot of people here wanting to get back no matter what... it dosent work like this... i learnt the hard way

 

Very true. Your main goal after a breakup should be the restoration of your own happiness, not trying to get back with your ex.

 

I imagine if everyone on this forum magically got back with their ex-partners tomorrow, by the end of the week they'd realise what a mistake it was being with them.

[LifeNomad]

i think its not the same for everybody but its VERY VERY difficult to do and takes 100% determination on both parties along with open communication if they want to work things out after a breakup.

[Throldur]

Very true. Your main goal after a breakup should be the restoration of your own happiness, not trying to get back with your ex.

 

I imagine if everyone on this forum magically got back with their ex-partners tomorrow, by the end of the week they'd realise what a mistake it was being with them.

 

I think it is going to depend entirely on the situation. Here we have a guy taking back a cheater after 2 months, she rebounded then rebounded from the rebound. It clearly was not the right time.

 

Obviously, most people in the world end up married at a time or another. A lot of people have cheated or will cheat in their lives. It's sad but it's the ****ing truth. It's despicable but it is honestly a common theme in every drama/movie/t.v. show that we see. People just don't really see the consequences of their selfish actions and we are in such an instant-gratification state as a species that we will jump at something that excites us in the moment.

 

I was the most devoted boyfriend in the world but even I, when drunk, was tempted by my ex's best friend to sleep with her. There was a semi-kiss and she straddled my lap, I had to suggest something I knew she wouldn't do just to get her to get off of me because she wasn't taking no for an answer and I wasn't in the best state to firmly say no. Luckily (well, now I almost wish it had happened) nothing really happened but we all have the capacity too just the good ones can fight off that urge and wouldn't hurt someone they are with no matter what.

 

Obviously cheaters can change but it takes time. This was too short of a period. You're probably right.. if we all took our exes back after cheating immediately, nothing is going to happen. Neither side has enough time to reflect about things. The problems the cheating ex had with themselves that caused them to do such a heinous thing, they haven't fixed.. and the dumpee is so much in pain they will do anything to have it go away, which is go back to where they were before the pain.

 

I think the morale of the story is don't jump back at the chance of getting a cheating ex back. Understand that it will take time for both parties to trust again, that things will take a long time to be built back to what they were, and if there is a hundred percent commitment there, it can be done, but it has to be done from a standpoint where both parties have processed the mistakes and perils of the past failed relationship and clearly identify what the issues were, solve them and move forward in due time. 2 months is not enough time.. how many people here are completely healed and seeing clearly after 2 months? Not too many, I can't think. I'm almost 4 months in and I'm still crying. If my ex comes back when her rebound relationship/move-away fantasy ends.. I'm not taking her back right away and she will have to agree to the terms necessary before we even begin to repair.. but she's gonna have to take some time to process everything she did/about herself before we even go on a date. If she doesn't want to do that.. then she's clearly not going to change her ways.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Your main goal after a breakup should be the restoration of your own happiness, not trying to get back with your ex.

 

 

Blame how the brain works. People are constantly solving problems and most are good at realizing cause and effect. Thinking with black and white logic, if you reverse the cause you will reverse the effect. So while your statement remains true, it's not the reality that most will want to accept.

 

get back with your ex = restoration of your own happiness

 

It's hard to go against human nature until you bite the bullet.