Jonp219 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Is it bad that I don't want to end up with someone that reminds me of myself? I would like them to have SOME common interest with me, but I wouldn't want someone that reminds me of myself. I'm an introvert but I also have extroverted qualities and if i'm put in a position to talk to others, I will do my best to communicate. However, I just want someone who is a homebody but isn't afraid to communicate with me effectively. I've been wondering if this was a bad way to search for a partner. Any thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Speaking as an extrovert married to an introvert, it's a good match. I need an "audience"; he needs somebody else to carry the ball socially. We have tons of other stuff in common.
leavesonautumn Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I fall into the introvert category and what I noticed is that when I'm with other introverts, we just fall into this bad habit of not doing anything or saying anything. Now that I'm with an extrovert, it's like an entirely new world has opened up. He can carry the conversations when we are around other people and I'm motivated to spend my time away from home even though I'm a total homebody. I don't want to be with someone who reminds me of myself, it's never worked out so no, I don't think it's a bad thing.
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 You are not looking for common interests. you are looking for one common interest - in each other! Another myth busted today! If you and a girl share attraction, and are both fun-loving and easy to get along with, and you each make a list of your favorite 100 activities, can you find something to do together? Ya think?! Who does not like walks on the beach with somebody cute?! Do ya smell the coffee date?! 1
Mrin Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Nothing wrong with this. In fact, I remember reading an article on this. Somewhere we got screwed up as a culture thinking that our soulmate should be someone exactly like us. That's good friend material but not good soulmate material. Think of it this way, there is a sweet spot of "same-ness" for long term and sustained attraction. These numbers are arbitrary but stick with me on this. Less than 50% of match and it can become toxic. You have no ability to relate to each other. Your differences become insurmountable. On that same continuum of "sameness" you have the other end. Let's say it is 85% - 100%. As you get closer to 100% the sameness becomes unbearably boring. I mean, "ya, ya, exactly!" is not considered thrilling dinner conversation by anyone. Sure, you want those moments of "ya, ya, exactly!" every now and then. But when your entire relationship is comprised of that? Ya, bor-ing. But somewhere between this range of ya, ya, exactly and nothing in common is a sweet spot of attraction. Those differences are intoxicating. They make the relationship exciting. So there you have it. Look for the sweet spot. Relish in the differences. Celebrate them.
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 You go with whom you are attracted to....stop stifling yourself over analyzing "what if". You are taking the pleasure out of the experience of getting to know someone and enjoying their company.
Recommended Posts