Sunkissed Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Hello everyone, I'm meant to be doing my assignment but I can't stop thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of 1 year and I don't really know why, or feel selfish for doing so. He is everything that I thought I wanted in a guy, funny, caring, nice, sexy, great personalty not to mention studying law...aahh im so confused. An incident happened on the weekend and he got really angry at me because I didn't call him when i left him at a club- there were factors involved but yeah everything I did was wrong (its a very long story so i wont get into it) and no matter how many times i apoligised for not calling he was still mad at me. Ever since that Im worried that im doing something wrong, and when I do for example tickle him! he gets mad at me. I confronted him asking him if he wants to have a break from us and he is totally dumbfonded and says sorry and all the things i wanted to hear so i just froget I mean i love him im not going to let this ruin us but im still not feeling it. Im so miserable because I just know thats he's not treating me right but i don't want to let him go and I'm getting worried that im falling out of love with him. I love his family as well they are all so nice and we have mutaul friends together etc...I think maybe I need to just stand my ground more and maybe have him appreciate me more but how do i go about it? WHAT DO I DO!!!!!
ollydolly Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I think often we enter relationships without having a clear idea of how we expect to be treated. There is alot of psychobabble out there saying things like don't expect too much or you'll be disappointed etc etc. I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk about what you both want from the relationship and how you both expect to be treated. Expectations are good if they're rational ones, but problems occur often when we aren't clear about them. Of course in order to have a conversation like this YOU must know yourself what you want and what your expectations are - do you? Sometimes the hardest thing is working out what we actually want.
Author Sunkissed Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 I suppose I did have this whole idea of how I should be treated in a relationship, maybe I am expecting to much but then I also think to myself you know if he really loved me he should as my mother quotes ' worship the ground I walk on'. I know thats not realistic but I feel like I'm doing everything right for him and he's not stopping to think what I want/need from him, he's not fighting for me..... Should I just grow up and get over it, accept that, thats life?
Angeleyez2583 Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Communication is an important aspect to every relationship. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. Let him know how you feel! Get everything out in the open. Explain to him how you love him but he's hurting you. Also, try to explain to him the whole situation about you not calling him that night, and try to get out of him why it hurt him. If you let this build up, you're only asking for problems. Think of it as a balloon. If there is too much air in it, it will pop. This is sometimes how harsh words and fights start, when too much unsaid stuff builds up. If you let the air out now, both of you will probably feel much better!
ollydolly Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I think it's gorgeous your Ma saying he should worship the ground you walk on! I agree - when in love - a bit of mutual worship is great. I've got a hunch that your boyfriend feels that you don't worship him enough. You say you do everything "right" and you probably do according to what you think is good love. But remember that we tend to love people in the ways we want to recieve love back. He may wish to be loved in a different way than you are providing. He needs to communicate his expectations from you just as much as you do - and then you can both worship the ground each other walks - better still, worship eachother's hearts, minds and bodies. One more little thing, if anyone I mean anyone no matter how much I love them... tickles me? They're dead! I HATE it. No sense of humour in that department at all. One of my quirks.
wing81 Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I don't mean to be negative but it sounds like you leaning toward ending the relationship already. You also listed some reasons for not wanting to let him go like like feeling selfish, having mutal friends together, and his family. These shouldn't be reasons to stay in a relationship with someone. "He is everything that I thought I wanted in a guy, funny, caring, nice, sexy, great personalty not to mention studying law" If he is everything you thought you wanted and you still aren't happy there is probably something missing. I think you should take a little closer look at the relationship and talk to each other and find out what both of you need and expect out of one another. Good Luck
newbee Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 sounds like you are reaching the end of the 'blind' period. this is where you become more aware of each others not so perfect traits and decide whether or not to WORK on the relationship. read eric fromm "the art of loving"
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