embeu Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Hi. I am writing this for 2 reasons; first of all i want to share my past experiences dealing with an ex girlfriend who refused to give me the closure of a breakup talk and that did not answer any of my requests for such. Secondly i would appreciate any and all advice as to how i handled getting dumped and if my behaviour reflects poorly on me (that i actually dont deserve what i feel i do). I met this absolutely beautiful and wonderful girl in march 2014 and after dating for a couple of months we got in to a relationship. She was only 22 at the time and still lived with her parents. I was her first boyfriend (I am 29). She told me that she was moving to another country in september 2014, but we decided we would try. She was everything i ever dreamt of, sweet and innocent and a very caring and lovable person. It took me some time, but i fell for her really hard. We spent the summer together and i felt our love was VERY strong. I guess i didnt pay enough attention to the doubts I was feeling at the very start of our relationship; her age, she still living at home and the fact that i was her first boyfriend. She didnt have any life experiences to know what love really is and how hard it is to keep a relationship going when you are over the "butterflies" stage. Anyway, we went LDR in september 2014. All went well until the start of November when i sensed her getting very distant and didnt contact or respond to me the way she used to. We met at home late November and she told me she had started questioning her feelings for me, that she felt the spark wasnt there anymore. Still she wanted to try, see if things would change. We spent one week together doing all the normal boyfriend\girlfriend stuff before she left. I tried to talk about what was going on several times but the only response i got was the she felt unsure. I NEVER knew when or why she felt this way or how she was planning on fixing things. She was very reserved and quite and i didnt feel i got anywhere when i tried to talk about it. I thought that if she wanted to break off things she would do it then and there, or we would give eachother space and have "the big talk" about 3 weeks later when she would be home for christmas. She went back to school. After a couple of days i texted her on whatsapp and begged her to Skype so we could talk about it and how we would move forward. I wanted her to tell me what she wanted and needed from me. The response I got was something like this: "I have been writing on this for the past couple of days and i dont think this relationship is going anywhere. My romantic feelings for this relationship is not strong enough". The worst part for me was that she broke up with me over text (did i mean that little to her) and the fact that she had been writing on that text for a couple of days (which means her mind for allready settled when we were still together at home). WHY ON EARTH WOULDNT SHE BREAK UP WITH ME IN PERSON. My world came crashing down, i felt shattered and ashamed of my self. Even though i was devestated i never asked her to reconsider. But i asked her to please go on skype and tell me face to face that it was over, that she had lost her feelings and didnt see any future between us. She refused to do that, saying something like i made her feel uncomfortable. The fact that she wouldnt even do that for me made me break down in tears. I stopped texting her. This was 1st december 2014. I spent the first few days alone in my room. I didnt eat and i cried alot. I tried to make sense of what had happened and how she could treat me this way. I felt like i HAD to get my answers, and i wrote her a message on fb asking why she refused to have the last big talk. She answered very short about not wanting to hurt me anymore than she allready had. I responded saying i was allready hurt and that i need answers. She didnt reply. In mid January i still could not get my thoughts or feelings straight. I waited and waited for a respons i honestly felt i deserved, and the hoping and waiting killed me. I wrote her another email stating i still had feelings. I hoped she would read between the lines and see that i still needed that explanation. I did not get any answers. Relative to the length of our relationship i have spent about 50% of the time we were together trying to get over her. What i feel has been holding me back is the fact that i didnt get the final goodbye and the hope that one day i would get it. I have never been able to accept that she could care so little that she would not give at least that to me. So in the middle of february i friended her on facebook, asking if we could talk when she came back home. She said yes, but in a very cold way. She didnt excactly try and hide the fact that she didnt want to meet me again. So I took the hint and unfriended her on facebook. After that i felt like I had to get some of my frustration out so I sent her a long email. Even though i might not seem it I am a very proud person. I did not beg her for an explanation, i just wrote how the breakup affected ME and how I felt things from MY perspective. My hope was that she would reflect on the way she handled things and offer me an apology. I felt that getting an apology without asking for it directly was better. I should also mention that I asked her to come along for a 4 day vacation (i bought for her birthday 4 weeks before she ended it), saying something like this would be a good way for us to end things on a good note. And if the spark is there... etc. Big surprise: She did NOT respond to this either. Of course this broke me down to pieces, and i felt very low for a couple of weeks. When I am writing this its been about 6 weeks of total NC from my part. I am having more good days than bad, and I think part of that is because I wrote her those emails that she never responded to. I honestly do think that if she gave me the goodbye talk when breaking up with me i would be over this and not feel the need for answers, but going around wondering the "if`s" and "why`s" all the time kept me from moving on. Plus the terrible hope of her one day realising how bad she treated me. My advice is only good for those of you that is of a similar mind as me. I am a very practical person that like reason better than emotion. Not getting the answers and closure I needed was not slowing my recovery, it was completely stopping it. After a total of 4-6 failed attempts of getting answers and sympathy has made me realise something: She NEVER cared for me the same way i cared for her and she will probably NEVER realise how bad she treated me. It is futile to hope for an apology, and right now i think it is to late to get one anyway. I do not feel bad for the emails i sent because i honestly felt like i deserved an answer. I have NEVER done anything wrong to this woman. I hope this can help those of you seeking answers on what the hell happened and how someone that once said they loved you can behave so cruely. Furthermore i would really appreciate inputs on what i wrote, and i hope you tell me if i feel i deserve more than i should. Best luck to all of you! The road is long and hard but it gets better with time.
crazybestie101 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Hi. I am writing this for 2 reasons; first of all i want to share my past experiences dealing with an ex girlfriend who refused to give me the closure of a breakup talk and that did not answer any of my requests for such. Secondly i would appreciate any and all advice as to how i handled getting dumped and if my behaviour reflects poorly on me (that i actually dont deserve what i feel i do). I met this absolutely beautiful and wonderful girl in march 2014 and after dating for a couple of months we got in to a relationship. She was only 22 at the time and still lived with her parents. I was her first boyfriend (I am 29). She told me that she was moving to another country in september 2014, but we decided we would try. She was everything i ever dreamt of, sweet and innocent and a very caring and lovable person. It took me some time, but i fell for her really hard. We spent the summer together and i felt our love was VERY strong. I guess i didnt pay enough attention to the doubts I was feeling at the very start of our relationship; her age, she still living at home and the fact that i was her first boyfriend. She didnt have any life experiences to know what love really is and how hard it is to keep a relationship going when you are over the "butterflies" stage. Anyway, we went LDR in september 2014. All went well until the start of November when i sensed her getting very distant and didnt contact or respond to me the way she used to. We met at home late November and she told me she had started questioning her feelings for me, that she felt the spark wasnt there anymore. Still she wanted to try, see if things would change. We spent one week together doing all the normal boyfriend\girlfriend stuff before she left. I tried to talk about what was going on several times but the only response i got was the she felt unsure. I NEVER knew when or why she felt this way or how she was planning on fixing things. She was very reserved and quite and i didnt feel i got anywhere when i tried to talk about it. I thought that if she wanted to break off things she would do it then and there, or we would give eachother space and have "the big talk" about 3 weeks later when she would be home for christmas. She went back to school. After a couple of days i texted her on whatsapp and begged her to Skype so we could talk about it and how we would move forward. I wanted her to tell me what she wanted and needed from me. The response I got was something like this: "I have been writing on this for the past couple of days and i dont think this relationship is going anywhere. My romantic feelings for this relationship is not strong enough". The worst part for me was that she broke up with me over text (did i mean that little to her) and the fact that she had been writing on that text for a couple of days (which means her mind for allready settled when we were still together at home). WHY ON EARTH WOULDNT SHE BREAK UP WITH ME IN PERSON. My world came crashing down, i felt shattered and ashamed of my self. Even though i was devestated i never asked her to reconsider. But i asked her to please go on skype and tell me face to face that it was over, that she had lost her feelings and didnt see any future between us. She refused to do that, saying something like i made her feel uncomfortable. The fact that she wouldnt even do that for me made me break down in tears. I stopped texting her. This was 1st december 2014. I spent the first few days alone in my room. I didnt eat and i cried alot. I tried to make sense of what had happened and how she could treat me this way. I felt like i HAD to get my answers, and i wrote her a message on fb asking why she refused to have the last big talk. She answered very short about not wanting to hurt me anymore than she allready had. I responded saying i was allready hurt and that i need answers. She didnt reply. In mid January i still could not get my thoughts or feelings straight. I waited and waited for a respons i honestly felt i deserved, and the hoping and waiting killed me. I wrote her another email stating i still had feelings. I hoped she would read between the lines and see that i still needed that explanation. I did not get any answers. Relative to the length of our relationship i have spent about 50% of the time we were together trying to get over her. What i feel has been holding me back is the fact that i didnt get the final goodbye and the hope that one day i would get it. I have never been able to accept that she could care so little that she would not give at least that to me. So in the middle of february i friended her on facebook, asking if we could talk when she came back home. She said yes, but in a very cold way. She didnt excactly try and hide the fact that she didnt want to meet me again. So I took the hint and unfriended her on facebook. After that i felt like I had to get some of my frustration out so I sent her a long email. Even though i might not seem it I am a very proud person. I did not beg her for an explanation, i just wrote how the breakup affected ME and how I felt things from MY perspective. My hope was that she would reflect on the way she handled things and offer me an apology. I felt that getting an apology without asking for it directly was better. I should also mention that I asked her to come along for a 4 day vacation (i bought for her birthday 4 weeks before she ended it), saying something like this would be a good way for us to end things on a good note. And if the spark is there... etc. Big surprise: She did NOT respond to this either. Of course this broke me down to pieces, and i felt very low for a couple of weeks. When I am writing this its been about 6 weeks of total NC from my part. I am having more good days than bad, and I think part of that is because I wrote her those emails that she never responded to. I honestly do think that if she gave me the goodbye talk when breaking up with me i would be over this and not feel the need for answers, but going around wondering the "if`s" and "why`s" all the time kept me from moving on. Plus the terrible hope of her one day realising how bad she treated me. My advice is only good for those of you that is of a similar mind as me. I am a very practical person that like reason better than emotion. Not getting the answers and closure I needed was not slowing my recovery, it was completely stopping it. After a total of 4-6 failed attempts of getting answers and sympathy has made me realise something: She NEVER cared for me the same way i cared for her and she will probably NEVER realise how bad she treated me. It is futile to hope for an apology, and right now i think it is to late to get one anyway. I do not feel bad for the emails i sent because i honestly felt like i deserved an answer. I have NEVER done anything wrong to this woman. I hope this can help those of you seeking answers on what the hell happened and how someone that once said they loved you can behave so cruely. Furthermore i would really appreciate inputs on what i wrote, and i hope you tell me if i feel i deserve more than i should. Best luck to all of you! The road is long and hard but it gets better with time. I have been to same , its been more than year my ex has never apologized. My world came crashing down all this time but i realized that people are selfish, they wont give crap when they are done. So just go NC and disappear and let her wonder why she hasnt heard from you.
Author embeu Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Thanks. Anyone think I was in the wrong here?
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