Do you think this is a big deal too, or am I over reacting?

[justwondering_xoxo]

If you want to skip the long post then long story short, during an argument, my boyfriend said he thinks I'm trying to be like my best friend, and i should stop trying because I can never be like her and she's much better.

I just want to know do you think this is something to feel bad about, why would he say such a thing. Or do you think I'm over reacting?

I'd appreciate any opinions. Thanks.

 

The Background:

Let's call my friend, Leah. She's one among the three closest friends I have.

My boyfriend used to dislike her before and every time I'd make plans with her he'd get mad and he often said I don't give him as much importance as I gave to her and resented me for it. And he knows she's the one person among my friends who I haven't had any disagreement with so far. We don't talk as much as I do with my other close friends as We live in different cities now and meet two three times a year. All the times over the past year my boyfriend was also there when we met.

I had gotten annoyed with him because he had later commented several times to me saying that he realised after listening to us speak that she's such a shallow, judgemental, superficial person. I was mad at him for saying this and I'd told him she's my friend and I know her better and he's the one who's being judgemental.

And every time he'd try to comment negatively about my friends I'd ask him to stop judging people I like and who have done nothing wrong to him.

 

However a few months ago the three of us went on a one day holiday together, and he later said he could now see she isn't as bad as he'd thought earlier.

 

We've been in a relationship for over three years. It seemed like we were perfect for each other up till the first year after which we started fighting a lot and it eventually became a very unhealthy rollercoaster with frequent break ups. After a huge fight last month I decided it was enough, it was obvious we aren't compatible anymore, and are very toxic together, and finally stopped talking. However he'd keep calling and after a fortnight of Nc, I answered his call, only for him to yell at me, n then we started to argue and that is when he said the following.

 

The last time we went on a trip together, I realised how Leah actually is. You weren't concerned about how tired I was.

She's so much better than you. You'll were talking about the other girls who were trying to be like her but the fact is you are the one who keeps copying her. Stop trying. You can never be anything like her.

 

I don't know why but I felt so hurt and confused hearing this. My friend and I are very different in a lot of ways. And I don't understand why he said this out of the blue. I asked him in what way did he think I'm trying to copy her and he just said 'all ways, you can't be anything close to how she is'

What really bothers me is that I feel like he ruined the one amazing friendship I had, because of planting this idea in my head, that whenever I talk to her, this incident will be in the Back of my head.

I didn't drag the topic because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me with such a juvenile comment.

 

How would you feel if you were in my position? Am I feeling hurt over nothing?

I just need some outside perspective. Any opinions please.

 

I know it's a dreadfully long post so thank you so much if you read this.

[Toodaloo]

I should let it go if I were you.

 

No point in stressing over it.

 

Reality is never as pretty in real life... He has probably just said these things in the heat of the moment to hurt you.

 

Back to no contact for you!

[Frank2thepoint]

My boyfriend used to dislike her before and every time I'd make plans with her he'd get mad and he often said I don't give him as much importance as I gave to her and resented me for it. And he knows she's the one person among my friends who I haven't had any disagreement with so far. We don't talk as much as I do with my other close friends as We live in different cities now and meet two three times a year. All the times over the past year my boyfriend was also there when we met.

 

Your boyfriend, or now ex-boyfriend, was and is jealous of the friendship you have. He wants to be the center of attention, your primary go-to person, the one you seek for answers to all of life's mysteries. The fact that your boyfriend never was jealous of your two other close friends, is because you had disagreements with them. He enjoys the discord you have with those two friends, except for the one you actually get along with. It's really just simple jealousy. He feels threatened by your friend.

[d0nnivain]

If my BF told me that my friend was better than me, he wouldn't be my BF any more.

 

 

If it was 1 thing -- everybody excels at different things & it's OK that some of my friends are beautiful singers, others great cooks, some fantastic athletes -- I can handle those comparisons even when I'm on the short end but what your guy said would cause me to end the relationship.