j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I literally feel like I'm dying on the inside. Today is day 5 NC... I'm resisting all urges to call/text her. I'm a 26 year old guy being torn down by a 5 foot tall 24 year old girl. She loved so hard and I took advantage of it. Now I'm paying for that. I cant help but wonder if shes hurting as bad as me... I know I'm supposed to be getting better... but that feels impossible without her. I hope this isnt easy for her. I hope she contacts me sometime soon... even if its a "whats up"... just so I know shes thinking of me.... I have 2 tickets to a show to see Secondhand Serenade tomorrow I bought for her birthday which is the 9th. I feel sick and hurt. Someone help me.
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Granted they have been the longest 5 days of your young life but they have only been 5 days. You don't get over a relationship that fast. She is probably hurting too but she's not going to reach out because she probably knows that would give you false hope. Give the tickets away. You will be miserable if you go to that concert. Do not wish her Happy Birthday. Hang in there. It takes time but you will heal. 2
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I'm not even the biggest fan of Secondhand Serenade... I bought them for her. Would it be wrong/breaking NC to drop them off at her house when shes not there? Or would it be a better idea to rip them to pieces and move on? Honestly.
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 It wouldn't break NC imo but she doesn't deserve them. She won't go anyway. Don't waste them. You paid good money for them Ask around among your friends & give them to somebody who will enjoy them. 1
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I bought them before the break up... I feel she does deserve them. I dont know.
darkbloom Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 She broke up with you, she does not deserve anything from you anymore. First two weeks are absolute hell. I had to rage at him out loud for like an hour everyday even though he wasn't there. I had to get all of the anger and the words off my chest or I was going to explode. You are not strong enough for a breadcrumb right now. And a breadcrumb that doesn't say that she wants to get back together will set you back to day 1 of NC. And you never ever, ever, ever, want to start back at NC day 1 with the same person. Take it from someone who has answered breadcrumbs and gone back into a relationship with the same person out of desperation. It hurts the second time you start NC and the third. You can get over this and you will. 3
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 its super ****ing horrible because I DONT WANT to be over it. I know thats what NC is for... but the thought of being over it ****ing kills me. I dont want her to be over it either. Right now I know I'm being your average loveshack user and being stupid... but thats what this site is for, right?
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 its super ****ing horrible because I DONT WANT to be over it. I know thats what NC is for... but the thought of being over it ****ing kills me. I dont want her to be over it either. Right now I know I'm being your average loveshack user and being stupid... but thats what this site is for, right? You are not being stupid, you are hurting. You have every right to feel hurt and express it. Loveshack is a great place to do that because people understand here. If you follow your instincts and give her the tickets and get nothing back or a brief 'thank you', is that going to help you or hurt you? What are you expecting back from her? No contact helps you not to expect breadcrumbs or to have to receive them and respond. There is no easy solution though; it's a hugely painful time and although it will ease and eventually you will be happy considering other women, for now you would be better off posting here with fellow souls.
darkbloom Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 OP, If you need to convince yourself that at 60 days of NC will heal you so you can contact her again then do it. The only way I made it through the first month was convincing myself that 30 days of NC would help both of us see clearer and that he probably did not want to hear from me since I said some nasty sh-t to him on our last day of contact. At day 30 I was still angry so I said 60 days. At 60 days, I started to see him for what he really was. And I am still angry. So I said 90 days. I am well over 100 days now and I see that had I listened to my desperation to fix it that I would be stuck (again) in a relationship with someone who did NOT want to be with me. I repeat, I would have ended up UNHAPPY and MISERABLE because I chased after someone who broke up with me because he did not want to be with me. NC is for you to see the light of maybe you guys were not so good together. You are in a desperate panic right now and your mind is not ready to accept that it may be over for good. I feel your pain in every way. Trust me please, if she wants to get back together with you. She will make it known. And if not, you are saving yourself more heartbreak by staying NC. 1
Seeker12 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Youre right mate, vent as much as you need to, let it all out in this thread, i feel your pain honestly, but dont do anything stupid, meaning dont do anything right now what is objectively stupid will look highly attractive, you will only look back in a few months and cringe hard, thats what i did! Stay NC, reach out to close mates, if not then on here, pour your heart out, but dont do it to your ex, itll push her away, demolish your worth etc etc. 1
NoLeafClover Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 its super ****ing horrible because I DONT WANT to be over it. I know thats what NC is for... but the thought of being over it ****ing kills me. I dont want her to be over it either. Right now I know I'm being your average loveshack user and being stupid... but thats what this site is for, right? U r not being the average you are being worse because you know the answer to all the questions you are asking but you also won't take the advise. You are broke up, what do you want to do? Drop them off ...fine then what...she will come out and tell you to leave or that you are not respecting her wishes. You will come off as needy, clingy, pushy and will push her more away. you could also run into seeing her with some friends or family and she might be In a good mood and will throw you off more after seeing her smile. what do you think she is going to say...hey love of my life Thank you let's go get married? You need to man up and stop being like a teenager that just had the first kiss and won't stop letting it go. If you want her back you will need to give her space , you need to dissappear , no text, no happy b day, now my car broke down ...none of that. Whatever the case maybe if you go to drop them off you will feel more like crap. She might now respond and you will be pressing reset and go back to day 1 × ( enter number here ) days of hell. Listen to what people are telling you. They have been there with ex fiances, ex wives and like you ex girlfriends. Write on here if you have to or feel the need to contact her , we will be here but we can't help you without you putting any effort on your end. If it makes you feel any better I was with my ex for 7 yrs and would come on here so much I'd just fall asleep on reading breakup stories. You need to prepare for the worse and brace yourself everytime you have a low. I Go work out hang out with friends, visit a site...anything to keep your mind off her. The sooner you will come to terms with her being gone and you being okay with it...the sooner you will find happiness. She might call or she might now. Whatever you do, do not be the person to contact her or like a pic or send a hi...TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU , IF SHE LOVED YOU SHES IN THE SAME SHOES. 1
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Okay so heres the thing... I dropped them off. B!tch all you want readers lol No one was home and i left them on her porch under a stone. Some of you like noleaf seem bitter... You said "respect her wishes"... she never asked me to stay away. She broke up with me yes... you are right there... but I never did the whole "Dont contact me again unless you want to reconcile". It leaves me wondering if she thinks I hate her guts... I dont want her to think that. I left the tickets, sue me.... I feel better... I promise I am not looking for any breadcrumbs from her... if I get them I will ignore them like Im supposed to do. The tickets felt like a peace offering to me... saying "I am not angry... I still want you to do things and be happy". I also promise I wont be on here later like "OMG SHE NEVER RESPONDED TO ME ABOUT THE TICKETS."
seminoles84 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Okay so heres the thing... I dropped them off. B!tch all you want readers lol No one was home and i left them on her porch under a stone. Some of you like noleaf seem bitter... You said "respect her wishes"... she never asked me to stay away. She broke up with me yes... you are right there... but I never did the whole "Dont contact me again unless you want to reconcile". It leaves me wondering if she thinks I hate her guts... I dont want her to think that. I left the tickets, sue me.... I feel better... I promise I am not looking for any breadcrumbs from her... if I get them I will ignore them like Im supposed to do. The tickets felt like a peace offering to me... saying "I am not angry... I still want you to do things and be happy". I also promise I wont be on here later like "OMG SHE NEVER RESPONDED TO ME ABOUT THE TICKETS." We will see. Oh btw no one really cares ultimately what happens. We just offer advice. Do what you want with it but at least we are clear we shouldn't waste any more time on this particular situation. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Well that's what you wanted to do so that's what you did. You do understand that the tickets are going to waste because she won't go to the concert knowing the tickets are from you. If she didn't know you bought them, she may think they are from a secret admirer. Is that really better, that she goes to the concert with new squeeze on your dime? What's done is done but at least you seem to understand that she's not going to come running back even with a bread crumb because you gave her these tickets.
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I respect that Seminoles... and I fully understand. I just feel like most of this is one sided like there is NO possibility of getting back together eventually down the road. Anyone going through NC is never fully "we are never getting back together"... then some do and some do not. It's the way it is. I honestly am not feeling any regret on my part. I know that feeling... I've had it before... with the whole responding to her before the NC. 1
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I'm not being unrealistic... the tickets dont mean **** besides to let her know I am not angry. If she doesnt go... they were going to get wasted anyways... none of my friends listen to them... and id rather throw them away then putting the effort in looking for a stranger that wants them. If she has a new guy and goes with him... whatever... **** me, right?
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Part of me just wants to make a thread like "SHE HASNT RESPONDED ABOUT THE TICKETS" lol just to see the responses. Thank you guys for your fatherly input.. honestly. You cant expect me to do EVERYTHING you say, right? One guy said it'd be okay. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Part of me just wants to make a thread like "SHE HASNT RESPONDED ABOUT THE TICKETS" lol just to see the responses. Thank you guys for your fatherly input.. honestly. You cant expect me to do EVERYTHING you say, right? One guy said it'd be okay. I'm a woman so at best it was motherly concern. 2
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Well thanks for the motherly advice. 2
xinaxxsdertf Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 this is the stage where you act early mate! we have all been through the tough part. i still miss my ex so much but its been over a month and it actually has gotten easier (dont usually believe people). You are in that phase where you are hurting, worrying, scared andalways thinking she will forget about you? I wish i stayed NC since the start because its the fastest way of getting them to miss you after leaving you. but i ended up breaking NC over and over, every1 here told me not to but like all the new posters i didnt listen. So yea now over a month and im only on day 3 NC, we went through the whole rollercoaster ride of me always being in contact which i think in the end made it easier for her. because she never had to worry about missing me because i was always there. you are in a really tough stage where advice sometimes doesnt sound right. but everyone else is thinking logically while you are broken hearted and thinking stupidly and desperately. you dont notice this until your head clears though and you get out of the emotional mess. Just stay NC mate and she will reach out to you eventually. give it time and space. ITS SO HARD, but definitely helps in the end and could either make your relationship or break it time and space always shows both people what they want 2
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Welll I didn't talk to her and don't plan on talking to her. I honestly dont think this hurt anything. That was really great positive advice though and I thank you for that!!
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I've never been part of a forum and this is amazing how people can come together. Total strangers. 2
Riptide91 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) Hey buddy, your story is rough and after reading all the posts I have a couple words for you. First, don't feel bad, get angry, or criticize someone's advice to you because that's exact what it is, advice. Advice is what you came here for and if it's not what you want to hear or too blunt ignore it, however, a lot of us who have been in your shoes and try to help do get a bit irritated when we tell you the best course of action and you deliberately do different, but like I said, do what YOU think is best, it is YOUR breakup isn't it? Next, I don't think giving the tickets to her is the worst thing you could have done and sounds like something I would have done myself. That being said it definitely isn't going to help you feel happy faster. When posters say go full NC to heal it isn't just a theory, it really does work. I am at 3 weeks NC today and feel 80% better than I did when I kept breaking NC and letting her feed me breadcrumbs, which I did, a lot. Lastly, going a bit off the last paragraph, finish this. If this is something you want to get over and stop hurting you need to be proactive now. If you have any stuff of hers or vice versa get it now, if you owe her money or vice versa collect it now, anything else along those lines that's needs to be returned, recouped, collected DO IT NOW! Then I want you to go full NC and don't look back, if she wants to reconcile and make this right I swear to it you will know. She will come knocking down walls if she really loves you and wants you back, otherwise you'll forever be the backup plan. Don't be that, it sucks. Focus your energy on loving yourself now, do things YOU want to do. People say workout, find or rekindle old hobbies and I agree, keep yourself busy and eventually you'll find happiness and probably a new significant other in the process who is in the end better for you. Good luck and if I can help at all let me know! Edited April 7, 2015 by Riptide91 Typos 2
Author j_mysterio Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 I understand the irritation... nobodies perfect... i'll admit I shouldn't have said anything or criticized advice given to me, I apologize for that. It's hard taking advice sometimes. I def have nothing of hers and she has nothing of mine. I really liked the "She will come knocking down walls if she really loves you". Its so true. It's just hard not feeling like I'm crazy at this moment... we all know that. 1
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