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Considering swallowing pride and sending ex BF an apology text for breaking up?

jennybrookes

By jennybrookes
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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jennybrookes Member

jennybrookes

Posted
Posted (edited)

I broke up with my ex boyfriend (of 3 months) yesterday via a lengthy and someone angry text message. It was an impulsive decision as I found out something about him that tipped me over the edge over everything else he has done to me.

 

It is clear to me that the relationship can not go on, and I miss him a lot and still care about him, so because of that I feel terrible for ending it that way and wish I took a more mature approach. I ended the text with 'I'm blocking your number and it's staying blocked. Bye.' I feel so terrible and I am switching back and forth to leaving it as it was, or sending him one last text apologizing for the way I ended things, part of me thinks he doesn't deserve it, but the other part of me feels so terrible, especially since the text was kind of out of the blue and not giving him a chance to respond since I blocked him (although he probably wouldn't have).

 

The text included me saying that he never made me happy (although he did sometimes, but I didn't feel happy enough), and that his ex must have been crazy to stay with him for so long and that she must have loved him a lot more than I do because I can't put up with it. I also called him sad for continuously checking his ex's social media profile and that he was desperate for constantly liking other girls pictures on instagram. There were a good few curse words involved as well.

 

I know that if I text him apologizing after sending him an angry psycho break up text it will I will look a tool and he will most probably ignore me, but I just want him to know how sorry I am for the things I said that were not necessary. Part of me worries I will regret sending it afterwards though in case I find out or see something about him that makes me angry! My feelings are all over the place and I have no idea what to do. :(

Edited by jennybrookes
TunaCat Established Member

TunaCat

Posted
Posted

Leave him alone.

 

You already hurt him enough and the last thing he should have to do is deal with you.

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jennybrookes Member

jennybrookes

Posted
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Posted
Leave him alone.

 

You already hurt him enough and the last thing he should have to do is deal with you.

 

I understand. I am not expecting an apology from him, but he hurt me too. When we were together he would often put my down, criticize my appearance, give me back handed compliments, withdraw communication, act like he didn't care, stalk his ex girlfriend via social media, etc. I did not just make this impulsive decision because I felt like it. He would often treat me like a mug and walk all over me and I took it. I often found myself waiting around for him. I had reason behind it. He hurt me first. But even though he did, I still want to apologize.

DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

Posted
Posted

Jenny, oh Jenny...what can we really say?

We can probably all agree, that was a rude way to behave.

Wanting to apologize is simply a sign that you are a good person,

But by apologizing after that makes a complicated situation worsen.

 

If you can't get past the fact that you need to contact him,

Then write a deep apology letter, don't text on a whim.

After you're done, burn the letter, make sure noone reads it.

It'll make you feel better, and you won't have to worry if someone tweets it.

  • Like 2
SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

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He wasn't ready to date.

 

You don't strike me as stable.

 

You were a rebound. FWB at best.

 

If someone you're "dating" is stalking his ex... run. But don't do what you just did with this guy.

 

Neither of you seem fit enough to be in a serious relationship. I can understand his reasons (probably missing his ex). Although that doesn't condone him mistreating you, why would you even continue seeing someone who you consciously know is not over his ex?

 

Treat this like a learning experience and improve the things you've done wrong. Don't worry about him.

 

Leave him alone.

  • Like 1
NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

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Posted (edited)

I think my ex must have created this post. She sounds just like her.

Hot and cold,

can't make up her mind, blows things out of proportion,

puts me down with all kinds of crazy comments when arguing(which brought the worse out of me),

apologizes just to do the same thing again the next couple of days,

always insecure by bring ex girlfriend up,

manipulative just to make it known about how she felt but never how I felt,

always felt like she was better,

Always felt like she always wanted to be heard but never cared what I had to say,

Constant heart breaks by her constantly breaking up...

then when I stopped contacting her and went NC for good, it was like her guilt kicked in at its finest on her end..

she wanted to apologize an no cost..but then there can be worse when they just call you after some weeks just to leave a voice mail about how much they hate you and wished they never met you...

 

I'm telling, you some people..

I swear.. exhibit A right here.

Edited by NoLeafClover
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Unlike other posters (who are probably much wiser), I would say follow your instinct. If you felt you went over the top and want to try to reduce the hurt, then do what feels right to you. In the past, I have not acted in certain situations because I was advised not to or because it might make me look stupid, or because ... Looking back, a part of the puzzle was missing in that situation from then onwards and I knew it was because of my omission. Yes, it might not help him or you, but at least you are being human about it and showing you do care about his feelings, even though he made you angry.

 

I could not say if anything good would come of following up but what would your true and innocent self do? Please do not take this as a recommendation to send him a text but a view to consider like others.

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BlackbirdSong Established Member

BlackbirdSong

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Posted

You're either going to:

 

1) hurt him even further because he'll think that you're interested in reconciling or

2) receive a tirade laden return text that you're not going to like

 

Don't text him. Leave him alone.

 

P.S. - I think you secretly want him back (no matter what you say).

  • Like 1
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
Unlike other posters (who are probably much wiser), I would say follow your instinct. If you felt you went over the top and want to try to reduce the hurt, then do what feels right to you. In the past, I have not acted in certain situations because I was advised not to or because it might make me look stupid, or because ... Looking back, a part of the puzzle was missing in that situation from then onwards and I knew it was because of my omission. Yes, it might not help him or you, but at least you are being human about it and showing you do care about his feelings, even though he made you angry.

 

I could not say if anything good would come of following up but what would your true and innocent self do? Please do not take this as a recommendation to send him a text but a view to consider like others.

 

It's not going to reduce the hurt -- it's going to rub salt in the wound. "By the way, I'm sorry I was mean during the breakup but I still don't want to date you" What is that going to do? Leave it be.

dvx Established Member

dvx

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Posted

Give that man a whole meal, not a single breadcrumb. I bet he is hungry. I know I am. :laugh:

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BlackbirdSong Established Member

BlackbirdSong

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Posted
Give that man a whole meal, not a single breadcrumb. I bet he is hungry. I know I am. :laugh:

 

Nom, nom, nom....

Cinnamonstix Established Member

Cinnamonstix

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Posted

From the way you describe him, he didn't sound very invested in the relationship. So putting yourself in his shoes.... if you were him and you received a harsh text like that, you'd probably make like the honey badger and not give a ****. Same reaction applies to an apology.

 

My advice, lesson learned not to act in haste. Don't retract in haste either. If you still want to apologize down the road when the dust has settled a bit, go for it.

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