Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 OP, you are exagerrating. I've been married to a guy who did say I love you all the time and was very verbally and physically expressive, just the way we women like it, but he in fact, didn't give a crap about the marriage and gave me a lot of trouble. Some guys know what we want and mimick it. But I'd go anytime for someone who means everything he says and does so he says things like that less often. I get you don't want to be with a cold man though and if this style doesn't work for you, then, ok, break up. - Wow - well said blueyeL! Originally Posted by hanrose View Post I am OPEN to loving him if he said all the right things. He's doing many things right, but I can't allow myself to love him when I know most of the time I say 'I love you' he won't say it back. It makes me feel slighted, that's why I do this. - If you don't love him by now, you probably never will. That said, if you'll only go with men who love you more, you'll have a lot less problems. Welcome to dating, the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game.
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 If you have to come here asking about this, it can't be positive. You are failing to read his behavior.....he isn't that into you. The best thing to do is to not try to make it happen or wait for him to make a move, but to find someone who fulfills your expectations instead. You can't force someone to be in love with you or feel the same way you do. See it for what it is and move on.
katiegrl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Question for the OP. Why on earth are you telling him you love him...when you don't? Where did you ever learn that it was okay to LIE like that? Okay, that was two questions.. but what the hell.
katiegrl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 If you have to come here asking about this, it can't be positive. You are failing to read his behavior.....he isn't that into you. The best thing to do is to not try to make it happen or wait for him to make a move, but to find someone who fulfills your expectations instead. You can't force someone to be in love with you or feel the same way you do. See it for what it is and move on. Read the rest of the thread smackie. SHE is the one who isn't into him!
Redhead14 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 - Wow - well said blueyeL! - If you don't love him by now, you probably never will. That said, if you'll only go with men who love you more, you'll have a lot less problems. Welcome to dating, the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game. She can buy a parrot and train it to say I Love You . . . but it will never hold her when she is crying. 2
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 She might be into him to some degree. She might be too structured though (like katie says, narcissistic... you are on a roll girl ), keeping him at bay, demanding he act like a girl and say "I love you" before she will let her guard down. I mean, she is "there", still dating him regardless. People vote with their feet.
katiegrl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 She can buy a parrot and train it to say I Love You . . . but it will never hold her when she is crying. It might... it's only been two months. And why should he say it...she doesn't love him ...and he probably senses that as well. It takes two people to fall in love. Not one person demanding the other love them, and say so every day, and only THEN will they love them back. That is NOT love...no matter how you want to spin it.
Author hanrose Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Yeah, I know it sounds narcissistic, I'm just used to being treated a certain way, and it pisses me off that this guy doesn't seem as enthusiastic about being with me as others. I could be with anyone else, yet I chose him because he's good in bed. However, that's not all. He does text me every day, all day, sends hugs, kisses, etc. So that's why I've tolerated it. What I mean by "open to loving him..." I'm just pragmatic when it comes to love. I don't fall for people who can't love me back. In this case, I want to say I love him... but I can't give him that if he doesn't win me first. I lose interest very quickly and have a short attention span. The way to keep me long term would be to be very emotionally open every day, because then I would find value there that's hard to find elsewhere. You are OPEN to loving him ...IF he does and says all the "right" things? One of which is to be in love with "you" .. AND to tell you that every day?? Wow, just wow. Wow, you almost sound narcissistic... look THAT up on the internet!
Author hanrose Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 You know what? Yeah, I have heard that about men, that they're not expressive and all that. But most of the guys I've dated HAVE been. I go for a certain type of guy-- I LOVE nerds because they're usually very sweet, expressive, grateful to be with you. But this guy isn't like most nerds, he has this attitude that doesn't suit my taste. You have a lot to learn about men.... many don't say "I love you", men and women are not the same, unlike pop-psychology would have you believe. You can tell a man loves you by the way he looks at you, the way he touches you, the things he says and does, by his actions. Whatsamatter, you don't like Squint Eastwood?! When a woman says, "I love you", that translates to, "Now you say it".
Author hanrose Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 You nailed it right here. Thank you. I'm trying to understand myself here too, and you guys are helping me out. She might be into him to some degree. She might be too structured though (like katie says, narcissistic... you are on a roll girl ), keeping him at bay, demanding he act like a girl and say "I love you" before she will let her guard down. I mean, she is "there", still dating him regardless. People vote with their feet.
pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Well, I just really love sex with him, he's hot and has lots of energy, and have a few outings planned, so I want to have a bit more fun with him. The way he is makes it hard for me to see him as respectable bf material, since he can't say I love you every day, so I will have my fun with him until I decide it's over. No... this is just cruel. Imagine a guy coming on here and saying something like that. "Sex with her is great, but she's not the one. But I'll just have fun with her for as long as I can." He'd be blasted apart. Don't be a user. If this guy isn't the one, he's not the one. If you want to continue to have hot sex with him, let him make that choice. He can choose non-exclusive FWB, or he can move on. Tell him you aren't interested in continuing a committed relationship with him, and let him decide for himself. Using someone is cruel. So even if things did go well with him, that would be another issue I'd probably have to deal with down the road, knowing how slow he is with everything. If just to be his gf he had to think about it for 7 months. That's something that most people either do or do not, right away. Now imagine for marriage! Goodness, it's something he'd probably think about for a decade or 2. OH NO, too much waiting without certainty for this guy. You are right. If you are a quick mover, and he's a slow mover, it would affect everything in your life. Every wedding choice, parenting choice, vacation choice, financial choice would be overanalyzed to death before action would be taken. And you are right that asking for action AND words isn't too much to ask for. If you ache to hear the words, and he refuses to say them, that's a huge red flag for resolving any type of issue in your relationship. But don't be a user. Tell him the truth. 1
kendahke Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 A liar, a user AND a manipulator. I can't see any reason why I'd tell someone like that I loved them.
losangelena Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I could be with anyone else, yet I chose him because he's good in bed. Great reason for being with someone. This doesn't sound like "love" to me. Why are you expecting him to say he loves you when you're just with him because of the good sex? I know these are points that have already been covered in this thread, but I'm honestly just flabbergasted by this attitude. Before I met my BF, I was with a guy who would have made awful boyfriend material, but he sure was great in the sack. Did I ever wait for him to say, "I love you?" F********ck no. We didn't love each other. It sounds like this guy you're seeing knows what's up and isn't about to cave and say some words just because you want to hear them when he knows he doesn't feel them.
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