snuggles Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 hey people! Im curious to know how many of you out there are Christian and are in (or have been in) a r/ship with a non-Christian (who arent full on athiest)... do these r/ships work? have they worked for you? comments/opinions plz...
westernxer Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Big mistake... don't do it unless you have the same beliefs (or are open minded to each other's differences). I learned from first-hand experience, and I'll never do it again.
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Neither will be happy in this situation. (Unless neither really cares about their own religion.)
Angeleyez2583 Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I disagree. I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years. We were perfectly happy and accepting of eachother's religon. (I'm Jewish and he's Christian). We didn't break up because of the religon, however, I had a lot of stuff to figure out about myself.
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Hey Angeleyes, What would have happened if you had kids? Would it be okay with you if they were baptized? Would he have been alright if they weren't baptized? Does he go to church? Do you go to temple?
westernxer Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by Angeleyez2583 however, I had a lot of stuff to figure out about myself. Like what?
laRubiaBonita Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 my current bf does not support "organized religion"....what ever that means. and he not very open-minded at all, though he Thinks he is. His skewed political views get all mixed with everything, and taint a lot of his POV's. (IMO) i was brought up in a great church, very invovled. But i have always had my own thoughts and ideas about my god. I love to hear/ learn about other peoples beliefs as it helps develope my personal understanding of what god is. i do get sick of my bf saying mean things about religion, church, ceremonies, etc........ he can certainly keep it to himself.... plus when i get married i want a religious wedding in a church, i have a hard time seeing him doing that.
HokeyReligions Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Been married over 20 years. Husband is Christian and goes to church sometimes. I am Agnostic. Of course it can work.
Groovy Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I was raised Christian and have gone to church pretty much my whole life. However, I would date other religions. I am pretty liberal and know there may not be one "right" religion. Buddhists and Jews I would have no problem dating and have. People who don't follow organized religion is O.K too. I understand why some people are against it. However not believing in anything greater than ourselves makes me sad and I could never date anyone who believes that. I also would pass up dating a Mormon or Muslim because it has foundations that I just don't feel I understand and can live my life with that way. I think it really depends....
Mz. Pixie Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Snuggles- If you're a Christian the Bible teaches "Be ye not yoked with unbelievers" I believe that means do not date or marry people who are not Christians. But, that's just my personal opinion. Besides, if I'm with someone and I love them, I want to be confident they are going to heaven. That's just me.
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Hokey, do you have kids? I can see how it can work if one partner doesn't have convictions. and doesn't care one way or another. i do get sick of my bf saying mean things about religion, church, ceremonies, etc........ he can certainly keep it to himself.... plus when i get married i want a religious wedding in a church, i have a hard time seeing him doing that. That doesn't sound promising. You'll have to have long religion talks before marriage. And not just about the wedding itself, but about your lives afterward. Whether you'll baptize your kids etc... Also, what if he agrees to baptism, but he bitches about it all the time, that would be annoying.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 HoldOn~ yes, i know. but i do not think we are each others "It". at least not right now. Religion being one reason. well it is really his lack of respect for my beliefs, and how and what i was raised to believe. my kids will be baptised, i decided that long ago.
westernxer Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy I also would pass up dating a Mormon or Muslim because it has foundations that I just don't feel I understand and can live my life with that way. I know what you mean, Groovy. I was raised Mormon and only needed to get married to become a full-fledged member of Mormon society... that's when I split.
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 I know you're not planning a wedding yet. Just remember you'll have to really address this issue if youever do.
HokeyReligions Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn Hokey, do you have kids? I can see how it can work if one partner doesn't have convictions. and doesn't care one way or another. We had two children. April 7 was the 6th anniversary of my 13 y/o daughter passing away, and May 10 will be the 3rd anniversary of my 14 y/o son passing away. We taught them about Religion / Christianity / God and the various churches. They knew that they could explore any of them that they wanted to explore--including Judiasm and Islam and Budhist, etc. (sorry if I'm spelling incorrectly 0-0 I'm rushed) Because my husband and my family are Christian, (and we live in the Bible belt) that was the religion that they had the most exposure. By example, they saw that people of different faiths, or no faith, can live lovingly and happily together because we respect each other. They knew that they could be baptised if and when they were ready. They knew that their belief was theirs and not dictated by us. You see, the Christians that I know have all said the same thing: Ask for God or Jesus to come into your heart, and He will. Teaching about religion and exposing them to worship and study is not brainwashing if the exposure comes with our respect of their wishes of whether they want to open themselves to God or question like me. I think they were both on the path to faith and ready to believe, but I don' t know what they had taken into their hearts at the times of their deaths. Their father and my mother prayed with them and for them, but they never asked for prayer or a minister or anything. They did not show their fear, they had faith in our love for them. and I can't write anymroe or I'lls tart cryinagn
Girly Girl Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 It totally can work. I am Jewish and my bf is Catholic. We''ve been together for a year and a half and just celebrate both holidays. We respect the differences and share the common experiences. When kids arrive, we will teach them both and celebrate both. Neither of us is really observant in each of our respective religions, but practice the traditions we were raised with (he goes to church only on christmas, me to synnagogue on rosh hashannah and yom kippur) nad celebrate all the holidays with family (xmas and easter dinners, passover seders, chanukah parties, etc). This works for us. I think it is about respect for each other and a common beleif in your level of observancy.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 its all about intelligence...the smarter one is the easier it is for them to deal with differences in religion, culture, race, etc..... i consistently see this. highly educated couples where both parties are from different backgrounds or religions have a higher success rate. for some reason the smarter someone is the more flexible they are.
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 So, I still contend that when one party is very religious and convicted and the other party is hostile to that conviction, it cannot work. Hokey and girly don't fit into this category... Like you said "By example, they saw that people of different faiths, or no faith, can live lovingly and happily together because we respect each other. " RESPECT is the key. (sorry about your kids, Hokey. I didn't know)
alphamale Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn RESPECT is the key. right, and where does respect come from HOLDON??? it comes from the intellect
HoldOn Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Alpha, I wasn't arguing with you. I wasn't even addressing your issue, although I disagree. You seem to be saying the intelligent people can't have religious convictions, and I disagree.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale its all about intelligence...the smarter one is the easier it is for them to deal with differences in religion, culture, race, etc..... i consistently see this. highly educated couples where both parties are from different backgrounds or religions have a higher success rate. for some reason the smarter someone is the more flexible they are. well, i am smarter than my bf, in most areas...... but, i am also a tolerant person. It just depends on the person.......which is very much tied in with what their family thinks, and that reflects their religious beliefs.....
bluetuesday Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 yes, it can work. i'm a staunch catholic. he's a devout atheist. i completely respect his views and he would not have me any other way. although our beliefs are at opposite ends of the spectrum, our depth of belief is similar. my faith is not shaken by his beliefs, his beliefs are not shaken by mine. and neither of us feels the need to convert the other to validate what we feel to be the truth. when we discuss religion we do so fairly. he listens to me and i have learned much from him. i do not live his life for him, his choices are his own. we are each our own person on our own path. and a relationship is nothing without respect, intelligence and tolerance. i'm open minded enough, i believe i am close enough to god, to understand there is more than one way to live.
Author snuggles Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 thanks for all your opinions ppl... I am a Christian and i have grown up wanting to marry a Christian becos i do believe it is for the best wen God says "Do not yoke yourself with unbelievers" ... if one person believes this way and another person believes the opposite, there is an unbalance and disagreement - how would children be raised up with the parents going in opposite directions... they'd be not only confused, but could use this lack of "team partnership/joint decision making" etc against parents to their own benefit. I told my bf who isnt Christian what i believed wen we first went out. I told him i am only going to marry a Christian. He understood and accepted that. He was interested in becoming a Christian and would b one by the time we get married. I went out wit him cos even tho he wasnt a Christian, he at least had the heart to change and learn and he had morales... but i dont want him to do it jst for me. Its gotta be his choice and sumfin he does in his heart wen he's ready. We've been together 8mths and i guess im jst worried.... i love him heaps, but what should i do if up the track he still doesnt wana be a Christian? I'll be so attached to him but then again will be thinking.... is it really worth breaking this off after all this time jst cos he doesnt wana become one?... does God have sum1 else for me? will this work if i do marry him and he aint Christian - cos it goes against evrythin ive been brought up to do.... and would it be best to b happy or do what i know is right?
ziggue Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 My boyfriend is Anglican and I am Catholic. Our relgions are pretty similar with a few suttle differences. Not enough to effect our relationship though. .
Gemini02 Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I'm atheist, my boyfriend was raised a Jehovah's Wittness, altho he's not practicing and doesn't consider himself one. If or when we have children, they will be taught to be good people and taught that they can believe in whatever they want to believe, as long as their not hurting other people.
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