Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 And that's what I have a problem doing due to anxiety Anxiety sucks but it can be overcome. You just need to remind yourself that you're in control. I actually have some underlying anxiety that came out once a few years back and I had a hard time dealing with it since it freaked me out and I never experienced it before.. But after learning how to cope with it succesfully (I did take a medication for a few months) I never had anymore trouble with it. Afterwards I finished US air force basic training, and other than some creeping anxiety on the bus ride to my squadron (seriously most kids were scared ****less) after initial processing, it never took hold on me again. Of course depending on the severity of your anxiety it may not be so easy for you, but don't give up.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Anxiety sucks but it can be overcome. You just need to remind yourself that you're in control. I actually have some underlying anxiety that came out once a few years back and I had a hard time dealing with it since it freaked me out and I never experienced it before.. But after learning how to cope with it succesfully (I did take a medication for a few months) I never had anymore trouble with it. Afterwards I finished US air force basic training, and other than some creeping anxiety on the bus ride to my squadron (seriously most kids were scared ****less) after initial processing, it never took hold on me again. Of course depending on the severity of your anxiety it may not be so easy for you, but don't give up. I don't think I will ever be in a crowded place again on a saturday night unless it's a 4th or 5th date That was so dumb of me to suggest a place like that on a saturday night
gaius Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 But if no one is giving me an example then I can't succeed Arieswoman was talking the other day about how she originally wanted to be a medical examiner. Then was interested is being a funeral services person / embalmer. But couldn't get into those so she ended up starting her own medical services company. I was tempted to respond and ask if it had something to do with getting rid of the bodyparts and organs they remove during surgery because I sense a theme here, but I didn't think it was funny enough so it didn't make the cut. It still would have been a decent way to talk about her job in a way that was unfamiliar, and made it a somewhat fun and slightly interesting way to discuss a topic she's probably talked about many times before. And those are the two main things you want to aim for. Something new and something she can relate to. Everything else, whether she'd enjoy getting teased or not, really depends on the woman.
ZA Dater Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 And that's what I have a problem doing due to anxiety As someone who often feels anxiety on date I can tell you this, if the conversation goes well and it flows well the anxiety is a thing of the past and you will end up opening up quite well. Don't get down about maybe feeling anxious, concentrate on the communication and the anxiety will take a back seat.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 well she just sent me a text that she is about to get dress. This particular woman has always been my type physically, she wears glasses and I always thought that was HOT But I will block all that out and not look for her approval once I get there. Just going to be flirty and fun which is rare for me
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Do some breathing exercises before you go. Calm yourself down. Picture the date going well in your head. Try to relax & have fun.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Keep in mind if the date environment is TOO quiet for an early date, it can feel "too intimate" and can make some women uncomfortable.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Keep in mind if the date environment is TOO quiet for an early date, it can feel "too intimate" and can make some women uncomfortable. No it's just in a less congested area of the city
pteromom Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Good luck on your date. Don't try to force being flirty and "fun". And those topics are fine, as long as they aren't presented in an interview-like way. But you can say "Where did you grow up?" Then you can share an experience in that place, or ask her where was her favorite place to hang out there, etc. Interject with information about you, but try to keep it going back and forth, not one of you talking all the time. Use questions to get into bigger conversations. Talk about what is happening around you, what people are wearing/doing around you. Anything funny that happens. Ask her about hobbies and show interest in what is important to her. Try to stay calm and have a good time. One thing I like to do, when I am in a social situation where I feel anxious, is to just take a breath before answering a question. It helps keep you from blurting out whatever stupid thing comes to mind. But remember your goal here isn't to win her approval. It's to show her who you are, learn who she is, and see if there is a match. If there isn't, that's ok too, and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 well I am on my way out The odds are in my favor, Monday Night and in a calm area 3
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Well Just got back and here is how everything went We met and greeted each other with smiles and hugged. We went inside the place to order our food and after I paid for it the cashier was joking around in front of my date when she said....."your card was decline" So we both laughed because I was......."how the hell can it be declined?" So the conversation flowed nicely, no interview or arkward silence. Lot of eye contact and smiling along with her asking me some questions. Then toward the end of the day I saw her putting on lip gloss and wasn't sure what that meant. Then I walked her to her car and we hugged but I didn't go in for the kiss. I told her to call me when she gets home but instead she text me and said "I'm home" Is that a bad sign? The fact that I said call and she said sent a text instead? Not it didn't have the same vibe that a text had a few years ago when the girl arrived home and sent me a text that "HOME" So I am not sure what to think. date lasted close to 3 hours
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Well Just got back and here is how everything went We met and greeted each other with smiles and hugged. We went inside the place to order our food and after I paid for it the cashier was joking around in front of my date when she said....."your card was decline" So we both laughed because I was......."how the hell can it be declined?" So the conversation flowed nicely, no interview or arkward silence. Lot of eye contact and smiling along with her asking me some questions. Then toward the end of the day I saw her putting on lip gloss and wasn't sure what that meant. Then I walked her to her car and we hugged but I didn't go in for the kiss. I told her to call me when she gets home but instead she text me and said "I'm home" Is that a bad sign? The fact that I said call and she said sent a text instead? Not it didn't have the same vibe that a text had a few years ago when the girl arrived home and sent me a text that "HOME" So I am not sure what to think. date lasted close to 3 hours Is this the same girl? How many dates has this been? The lip gloss probably meant nothing, but if there was an awkward silence it could have been to keep herself busy. You should have gauged her receptiveness for a kiss, and went for it. Telling her to call you when she got home was a bad move. You don't want to initiate a phone conversation after your date, you're needlessly dragging it on. She realized this and its why she texted you very briefly. Instead I would have texted her when I got home saying "Had a great time tonight, let me know you made it home safe =) " Or something.... Always been well received when I use that line. It's low pressure and its a text - also doesn't leave the door open for more convo, so you can wrap the night up. Overall it doesn't sound bad though, until the very end when you told her to call you lol.
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Is this the same girl? How many dates has this been? The lip gloss probably meant nothing, but if there was an awkward silence it could have been to keep herself busy. You should have gauged her receptiveness for a kiss, and went for it. Telling her to call you when she got home was a bad move. You don't want to initiate a phone conversation after your date, you're needlessly dragging it on. She realized this and its why she texted you very briefly. Instead I would have texted her when I got home saying "Had a great time tonight, let me know you made it home safe =) " Or something.... Always been well received when I use that line. It's low pressure and its a text - also doesn't leave the door open for more convo, so you can wrap the night up. Overall it doesn't sound bad though, until the very end when you told her to call you lol. Why was saying call such a bad idea? I wasn't going to talk but 5 mins
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Is this the same girl? How many dates has this been? The lip gloss probably meant nothing, but if there was an awkward silence it could have been to keep herself busy. You should have gauged her receptiveness for a kiss, and went for it. Telling her to call you when she got home was a bad move. You don't want to initiate a phone conversation after your date, you're needlessly dragging it on. She realized this and its why she texted you very briefly. Instead I would have texted her when I got home saying "Had a great time tonight, let me know you made it home safe =) " Or something.... Always been well received when I use that line. It's low pressure and its a text - also doesn't leave the door open for more convo, so you can wrap the night up. Overall it doesn't sound bad though, until the very end when you told her to call you lol. Well I guess it's a good sign because the girl I went out with on saturday didn't send anything
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Why was saying call such a bad idea? I wasn't going to talk but 5 mins She doesn't know that. It's the end of the night and she probably wants to relax, the last thing she wants is a potential drawn out conversation. When I read that it came across as slightly needy you having to have her call you when she got home "safely". A simple text would have been more appropriate.
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 She doesn't know that. It's the end of the night and she probably wants to relax, the last thing she wants is a potential drawn out conversation. When I read that it came across as slightly needy you having to have her call you when she got home "safely". A simple text would have been more appropriate. I didn't respond to the text. so what do I do now?
Bobbi7 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 First and foremost-Family is the thing that I don't want to talk about!!!!! Why bring that up? Save that for the 5th date! Job-Well, I hate by job, so there. Topics that should be discussed: Dating Life Hobbies Favorite places to go in the city
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 First and foremost-Family is the thing that I don't want to talk about!!!!! Why bring that up? Save that for the 5th date! Job-Well, I hate by job, so there. Topics that should be discussed: Dating Life Hobbies Favorite places to go in the city We discusses Hobbies and Favorite places
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I didn't respond to the text. so what do I do now? Nothing. Just wait til later tomorrow and then go from there. Send her something flirtatious and gauge whether she wants to go out again.
Author smg15 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Nothing. Just wait til later tomorrow and then go from there. Send her something flirtatious and gauge whether she wants to go out again. something flirtatious like what tomorrow?'
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 something flirtatious like what tomorrow?' Idk that's a question for FitnessFan. I've exhausted my flirtatious messages on my own pursuits today.
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 A first date should be about 15% interview, 85% small-talk/lighthearted banter. Watch Cary Grant in the movies To Catch A Thief and Charade.
MissBee Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 1. Family 2. Where she grew up 3. Her Job 4. Education I was watching a video and it was stated that these are dull topics for a 1st date when trying to make a connection. Guess that has been my problem I've talked about all these things on a first date, trust me, it's not the topics that are in and of themselves dull, it's strictly about the people. If I am vibing with a guy, our conversation flows effortlessly and talking about education, family, home town, job, the mail can all be interesting conversations. If you have an interesting life and are a good conversationalist those topics can be lively and interesting. I migrated to the US as a teen and so the "where I'm from" question has always been an interesting one and leads to lively conversation. Like I said, trust me, it's not the topics, if you're a boring conversationalist who is rather dry or acts like a robot reading an interview script then that is what is dull but if you click and can carry a convo then those topics are fine and will often organically lead into stories and other topics...that's been my experience. I also can't fathom how you'd avoid these topics if you're actually interested in knowing the person. 2
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Something else I forgot to mention. There really is no need for an interview. Everything will come out through normal conversation, naturally. Chilax 1
ZA Dater Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Sounds like a positive experience on the whole, don't over think things as it just fills your mind which a ton of what if's and makes you worry with no reason.
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