smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 1. Family 2. Where she grew up 3. Her Job 4. Education I was watching a video and it was stated that these are dull topics for a 1st date when trying to make a connection. Guess that has been my problem
CarrieT Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Are you watching PUA videos? That seriously might be the problem... I don't think those are bad topics - as starting points! All of those topics are stepping stones to deeper, more in-depth conversations where connections are made. 5
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Depending on the type of girl you're pursuing, family can be a safe bet. I agree none of them are GREAT topics, but sometimes you have to work with them. But yeah if you're at a nightclub and start talking to a random girl about these things - nope not gonna happen lol. 1
Vintage79 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 My view on those conversation topics - if you have to touch them in the first 30 minutes of seeing someone, it's game over, as there just isn't chemistry. Actually, that's a pretty lame list...probably try to avoid them on the first date all together. If for some reason one of those topics naturally flows into conversation - fine - but basically if you're ever going down a list of questions during an early date, it's just not working. Basically, yes, those are the dullest of the dull topics and are not going to help in any way to create a connection - seriously, how do you bond over, "I grew up in Omaha, Nebraska", or whatever the answer may be? You don't - it sounds like an interview, not a romantic, fun, flirty, or anything that's necessary to drive the romance/date forward. You're much better off asking her a question about her earrings, pretending to be interested, and just listen to her talk. 2
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 My view on those conversation topics - if you have to touch them in the first 30 minutes of seeing someone, it's game over, as there just isn't chemistry. Actually, that's a pretty lame list...probably try to avoid them on the first date all together. If for some reason one of those topics naturally flows into conversation - fine - but basically if you're ever going down a list of questions during an early date, it's just not working. Basically, yes, those are the dullest of the dull topics and are not going to help in any way to create a connection - seriously, how do you bond over, "I grew up in Omaha, Nebraska", or whatever the answer may be? You don't - it sounds like an interview, not a romantic, fun, flirty, or anything that's necessary to drive the romance/date forward. You're much better off asking her a question about her earrings, pretending to be interested, and just listen to her talk. So what would be 4 replacement topics for Family Education Job Where she was raised
thecrucible Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Personally, I feel like it's an interview if someone is asking me these. I'd rather keep things light and bond over shared sense of humour and interests etc. The rest can come later. Work is not what I want to talk about on a date lol
jen1447 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 So what would be 4 replacement topics for Family Education Job Where she was raised Depends on the person, but hopes dreams aspirations personal bitches (we all have them and love to air them) If she's not terribly ambitious, adapt. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 So what would be 4 replacement topics for Family Education Job Where she was raised flirt interests travel continue a previous convo (good for starting off) all seem like safe bets to me, prob forgetting a few but IDK if its the right girl conversation should flow naturally.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Personally, I feel like it's an interview if someone is asking me these. I'd rather keep things light and bond over shared sense of humour and interests etc. The rest can come later. Work is not what I want to talk about on a date lol so when you say interests you mean things like movies foods traveling sparetime hobbies
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Any topic can be a bonding subject. It depends on the person. The art of conversation is just that an art. There are no right or wrong subjects. It's a balance between getting to know you, not getting too deep / too personal or sounding like you're interviewing somebody. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 so when you say interests you mean things like movies foods traveling sparetime hobbies Honestly, whatever you talk about her with, you need to take the material she gives you and ask the right questions, tease her, flirt with her. You need to make sure that you can dish out some banter to keep her on her toes and it will keep her interested It takes practice though, I'm not an expert by any means. 2
thecrucible Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 so when you say interests you mean things like movies foods traveling sparetime hobbies Sort of but maybe talking a bit of aspirations like someone else mentioned and shared passions (which is different from talking bland interests) but it shouldn't feel like it's really stilted or someone is going through a pre-planned script. It should feel natural...
BlackHat Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Leaving aside the fact that connections cannot be "created", I understand that you want to bypass that because she is hot and you are...a man. So, in that context, here is what you need to do: You need to, at the same time, get her to speak as much as possible while you speak as little as you can because, remember, everything you say could be used to ruin your date. In order to create an artificial connection the simple rule goes as follows: Ask her about the things she likes in a man and try to memorize two or three. Then ask her something else completely. Use your environment to do so. For instance, if you are in a Japanese restaurant ask her her opinion on Japanese culture, or if you are in a restaurant with wooden chairs ask her if she likes DIY projects. Later on you need to fish the things you memorized earlier and inject them into your conversation. Example: She tells you that she likes men with clear objectives in their lives. When you talk about DIY projects, you can say that you have the clear objective of building your own home and you bought a plot of land for that purpose. Remember, since we are going for artificial connection, you may as well go for artificial everything. And remember, I am not telling you what is moral or nice, but what works.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Honestly, whatever you talk about her with, you need to take the material she gives you and ask the right questions, tease her, flirt with her. You need to make sure that you can dish out some banter to keep her on her toes and it will keep her interested It takes practice though, I'm not an expert by any means. If i can have an example of 1. Banter 2. Flirting 3. Teasing I think my date I have in 2 hours will go better than saturday
thecrucible Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Honestly, whatever you talk about her with, you need to take the material she gives you and ask the right questions, tease her, flirt with her. You need to make sure that you can dish out some banter to keep her on her toes and it will keep her interested It takes practice though, I'm not an expert by any means. I agree on the banter side I like to know the guy knows I am a woman not a delicate flower and it's all part of the fun...Sometimes if there's not enough flirting, the guy just feels like a friend to me because I don't get enough of that playful dynamic...I don't know; it's really hard to describe
WhiteKnighter Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 It's going to vary person to person. I've had dates wherein the mood stays afloat with small-talk and basic things like work and favorite music, and other where I could tell that those things weren't of interest. You need to judge what someone cares about, and find a way to get them talking and spark the interest up. Bottom-line, everyone should be passionate (or at least interested) in something... just find what that is, and get them talking about it. People love talking about things they're good at, and you can show a real interest and honing in on that. Sometimes all it takes is asking what they do for fun or on the weekends, etc, if they're planning on any trips for the summer, whatever. As soon as you feel them 'take the bait' (a terrible phrase for it, but you know what I mean), just keep on that subject and focus on understanding their feelings, why they like something, etc, etc... it'll feel much less contrived that way. Maybe they're into dancing. Ask them if they've been dancing a while, or just learning. Why are they learning? What got them into dancing? Do they do it professionally? Have they competed? What styles? Man you'll have to show me sometime... etc. etc... 1
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Leaving aside the fact that connections cannot be "created", I understand that you want to bypass that because she is hot and you are...a man. So, in that context, here is what you need to do: You need to, at the same time, get her to speak as much as possible while you speak as little as you can because, remember, everything you say could be used to ruin your date. In order to create an artificial connection the simple rule goes as follows: Ask her about the things she likes in a man and try to memorize two or three. Then ask her something else completely. Use your environment to do so. For instance, if you are in a Japanese restaurant ask her her opinion on Japanese culture, or if you are in a restaurant with wooden chairs ask her if she likes DIY projects. Later on you need to fish the things you memorized earlier and inject them into your conversation. Example: She tells you that she likes men with clear objectives in their lives. When you talk about DIY projects, you can say that you have the clear objective of building your own home and you bought a plot of land for that purpose. Remember, since we are going for artificial connection, you may as well go for artificial everything. And remember, I am not telling you what is moral or nice, but what works. why does making an connection on a artificial level work?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Leaving aside the fact that connections cannot be "created", I understand that you want to bypass that because she is hot and you are...a man. So, in that context, here is what you need to do: You need to, at the same time, get her to speak as much as possible while you speak as little as you can because, remember, everything you say could be used to ruin your date. In order to create an artificial connection the simple rule goes as follows: Ask her about the things she likes in a man and try to memorize two or three. Then ask her something else completely. Use your environment to do so. For instance, if you are in a Japanese restaurant ask her her opinion on Japanese culture, or if you are in a restaurant with wooden chairs ask her if she likes DIY projects. Later on you need to fish the things you memorized earlier and inject them into your conversation. Example: She tells you that she likes men with clear objectives in their lives. When you talk about DIY projects, you can say that you have the clear objective of building your own home and you bought a plot of land for that purpose. Remember, since we are going for artificial connection, you may as well go for artificial everything. And remember, I am not telling you what is moral or nice, but what works. I think every guy who is playing their cards right is doing this to a degree - but the key is pulling it off without coming across as superficial.
ZA Dater Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Honestly, whatever you talk about her with, you need to take the material she gives you and ask the right questions, tease her, flirt with her. You need to make sure that you can dish out some banter to keep her on her toes and it will keep her interested It takes practice though, I'm not an expert by any means. Profound and true, even in my limited experience, the best date I had was where this came together well, its a balancing act and doesn't always work, especially if the date isn't outgoing or particularly intelligent. Moral of the story is, if you feel you need to dumb yourself down, then the date isn't going to work. When this does work its totally magical because the conversation flows and that person has your total interest and you have theirs. Of all the things I have experienced I am glad I got to experience this twice. Barcodes advice is incredibly good in this respect.
gaius Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You can talk about anything, but find an interesting perspective on it she hasn't heard before. I have one topic that works everytime guaranteed but I'm not sharing. Just watching the women around here talk and observing what they find interesting should be enough for you to figure something out. It's the challenge you have to conquer if you want a chance to add your genes to the pool.
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 You can talk about anything, but find an interesting perspective on it she hasn't heard before. I have one topic that works everytime guaranteed but I'm not sharing. Just watching the women around here talk and observing what they find interesting should be enough for you to figure something out. It's the challenge you have to conquer if you want a chance to add your genes to the pool. But if no one is giving me an example then I can't succeed
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 If i can have an example of 1. Banter 2. Flirting 3. Teasing I think my date I have in 2 hours will go better than saturday Ok for example. The last girl I dated for a little over a month (never had sex, but lots of heavy making out, spending the night, etc.) on our first date she went to the restroom and left her drink. When she came back she gave me a sly grin and jokingly said "Ok you didn't roofie my drink did you?" - It kinda caught me off guard but I knew she was flirting with me. If I responded saying "No! No!" she would have known that I'm too ****ing serious and she probably would have lost interest. Instead I played along and teased her a bit and it became a bit of a running joke for us for the next date. You just gotta get creative and make sure that you deliver with confidence. Be sure to crack a smile/grin and convey proper body language that you're just teasing them. 1
thecrucible Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 But if no one is giving me an example then I can't succeed Best way to interest someone is to be interesting yourself Have a full life with at least a few interesting anecdotes to tell... It also depends on how much you have in common with the person in general. Therefore no one can really answer that as it depends on each individual case...You don't want to twist yourself into someone you are not just to interest one way - you want to be the best version of yourself and be genuine. Just be confident and be yourself - I know that sounds obvious but yeah...don't sound like you're following a script, just live in the moment and pick up a few techniques over time, try a few things and see what works. 1
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Ok for example. The last girl I dated for a little over a month (never had sex, but lots of heavy making out, spending the night, etc.) on our first date she went to the restroom and left her drink. When she came back she gave me a sly grin and jokingly said "Ok you didn't roofie my drink did you?" - It kinda caught me off guard but I knew she was flirting with me. If I responded saying "No! No!" she would have known that I'm too ****ing serious and she probably would have lost interest. Instead I played along and teased her a bit and it became a bit of a running joke for us for the next date. You just gotta get creative and make sure that you deliver with confidence. Be sure to crack a smile/grin and convey proper body language that you're just teasing them. And that's what I have a problem doing due to anxiety
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 The only positive about this date I have this evening is the atmosphere will be completely different from where I was on Saturday Night This evening I will be sitting outside in a calm atmosphere on a monday versus being in a crowded loud restaurant on a saturday night Not sure if It will lead to a second date but this date will be a lot better than my date two nights ago 1
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