What's going on with this guy I met on Tinder? Help!

[locabs]

**Sorry kind of long**

 

So I've been on this site called Tinder since my Freshman year of college off and on. I matched with this guy around the time I first got it, we exchanged snapchat names and that was it. I didn't think he was all that cute, so I would sometimes reply and never wanted to meet him. NOW 2 years later its a different story. I'm originally from Texas, but go to an out of state school, when we matched it was back at home. When I was down last Thanksgiving, I went out with a few friends to a bar and noticed that a guy sitting down looked super familiar--then it came to me, it was the guy from Tinder. I snapped him and said "is this you?" and he replied with "yes" I thought to myself, HOLY COW this guy is beautiful. We started to talk and thought it was funny how we finally met after 2 years...especially that way. I was already crushing instantly. He had everything together, a very good job, very funny, and very handsome. I felt so bad for being so shallow...He's a few years older than me. I'm 21 and he's 24, but not that big of a difference.

 

 

After that he texted me and said it was nice meeting me, that he would love to take me out...but it never happened, although on Thanksgiving I did go over to hangout with him. We smoked and watched TV. It was a little awkward, but mainly because I was very attracted to him. When I left I didn't even bother to hug him to say bye haha. A few days later I returned back to school and we just continued what we did before, snapchatting. I went back to Texas for Christmas break, and told him I was down. He said we should "meet up/ hang" but it saddly never happened. When I returned back to school after break he ended up sending me a snap with dinner for two...I asked if he was on a date and he said yes. It all made sense. He was seeing someone, but i mistakenly didn't know it. I never knew he had a girlfriend but at the same time it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong with me or cheating on her. I respected him for that. FINALLY when I came down this year for Spring Break, that's when everything happened.

 

I went out with friends and he did too. We wanted to hang out after that, in my mind I just wanted to hook up with him. It was fine with me. I don't live in Texas. So around 2AM I texted him asking if he was home, and he said "no" because there were no more ubers driving. I said I could pick him up, since I had to drop my friend off where he was. So I picked him and his two friends up, and dropped my friend off. He lives right around the block from me (which is even funnier) and and when we were driving to his place I made a comment on my dads work. My dad is selling his practice so I said "if anyone is interested in **** practice. It's for sale" Then he said "wait is your dad ***** ******?" I said "omg yeah!" He replied "OH well I'm his financial analyst. I'm working with him on that deal. We go out to eat almost every week" We couldn't get over how small our city was. It was the the most hilarious thing. We live right around the corner from each other and my dad and him are friends. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? So finally we got to his place and his friends go in their cars and left.

 

He asked if I wanted to come in, and I was hesitant (because I was nervous since he knew my dad) but I did it anyway. We just relaxed on the couch then I said "ok I think I should go. It's super late" he said "ok that's fine" and as I was about to walk out I turned around and kissed him. We ended up, you know, and I stayed over. I left immediately because I felt kind of awkward, and I didn't tell my parents I wasn't coming home. I knew they would be worried. (sounds like I'm 12). When I got home I texted him saying "thanks for getting me into cuddling. I had fun" and he replied instantly saying "I had a lot of fun too. (I HATE CUDDLING, but it was nice with him). He said "We should go out sometime" and I said "yes lets! What do you have in mind?" He said tomorrow come to a concert with me. One of my buddies is playing. I agreed. The next day he picked me up from my house, came inside...said hi to my dad and then we left to the concert. His friends were there who were very nice. The whole time he had his hands on me, said "I really like you" and was very touchy the whole time. He asked his friend if she could take a picture of us and said I should add it to Instagram. Idk I felt like things were very couple-like. After that he dropped me off at home, and I kissed him goodnight. He texted me that night saying he had a fun time with me that we should do something again. I agreed and he said we should go to the beach on Thursday which was 2 days later.

 

As Thursday approached he asked if I wanted wine or whiskey for the beach (we were going at night) and I told him to surprise me. When he picked me up he came in and said hi to my parents then we were off to the beach. It was very cloudy out, and he apologized because he wanted it to be romantic. He brought red wine, snacks, and blankets. his plan was to see the stars, but it didn't happen. We talked and kissed. It was a very romantic date. I didn't even care that it was cloudy, although I was SO cold. I mentioned that I had a vacant beach house a mile from where we were, that we should go. He said it was fine. So we went to my beach house, I showed him around and we talked. We talked about how he got out of a relationship in February, which explained a lot, talked about his family (deep issues), and everything. We did end up having sex that night. But it wasn't the same. After we cuddled and it felt like we had a connection. We fell asleep in each others arms, but we needed to leave because my parents of course would have been worried. He dropped me off at home, and kissed goodnight. He texted me that night and said he had such a wonderful time with me. That he will miss me while I'm gone. (Had to leave the next day back to school)

 

 

Since then we have texted and snap chatted each other. Sometimes I get the feeling that it's all about sex, because that's what he comments on when we text and snapchat. I did comment on it a couple weeks ago. I said "wow you treat me like a piece of meat ;)" trying to joke about it because I don't want to be that girl. He replied with "If I was only interested in you physically, I would have gotten bored by now" It made me feel so good, but I have HUGE trust issues. I'm officially going back to Texas for Law School in the same city, so he knows I'm coming back this summer and until I'm done. He makes comments on this summer that we will be "doing yoga, hunting, fishing, going to his ranch, etc." so I mean I see his effort with the distance. He says he misses me, and how he can't wait until I'm back in Texas.

 

He mentions how he can't wait to have sex with me. All these things. I guess what I'm saying is am I wasting my time? When it comes to dating, I always think the worst, and then the worst happens. It just seems as if when we snapchat it's usually sexual, and it throws me off because of the things he has said. He says "theres something about you, but I like it"

 

 

Maybe I can only judge until I'm back home. I don't know. I just feel like since we already had sex from the beginning, that's what our relationship is based on, even if it was mutual when it came to having a hookup. I didn't expect all of this to happen. I didn't expect him to take me out on dates after having sex. I just kinda thought that was it after it happened. Today, he did say I was the last person he had sex with, and that he doesn't have time for games.

 

Typing this all, I feel like I have an answer. But I like to hear others opinions. What do you think?

Edited April 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs for everyone! and fixed title!

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ok finally read the wall of text. OP you jumped into sex right away, you even admit you were OK hooking up with him. This isn't the best way to start things out if you want more.

 

It sounds like he DOES has feelings for you, but since you two didn't let things develop naturally over time and jumped straight into sex, I think it's a bit awkward for you both. It also sounds like he's really trying to make you feel special by planning dates and making you feel appreciated, so I wouldn't say that he ONLY wants you for sex.

 

Long distance honestly doesn't work out the greatest, and you two don't have a strong foundation for a relationship, you're more like Friends with benefits. I would talk with him and ask him what he thinks the two of you are, otherwise someone is going to get hurt I feel since you guys never clearly communicated.

[locabs]

Ok finally read the wall of text. OP you jumped into sex right away, you even admit you were OK hooking up with him. This isn't the best way to start things out if you want more.

 

It sounds like he DOES has feelings for you, but since you two didn't let things develop naturally over time and jumped straight into sex, I think it's a bit awkward for you both. It also sounds like he's really trying to make you feel special by planning dates and making you feel appreciated, so I wouldn't say that he ONLY wants you for sex.

 

Long distance honestly doesn't work out the greatest, and you two don't have a strong foundation for a relationship, you're more like Friends with benefits. I would talk with him and ask him what he thinks the two of you are, otherwise someone is going to get hurt I feel since you guys never clearly communicated.

 

haha I'm so sorry! I noticed I wrote a lot, maybe some of it wasn't necessary. I mean it's not really long distance since I'm going back May 7th, but I get what you are saying. I guess I'm a little afraid to ask him...

Thank you so much for reading and replying!

[devilish innocent]

If you're worried that he's just in it for the sex, then ask him to cut back on that part of the relationship. Tell him you first want to see if you can have a relationship that's based on something other than sex. Ask if you can spend time doing and talking about other things instead. If he can show you that he still wants your time, then you'll know he's legit.

[fitnessfan365]

Some women do this where they will sleep with a guy too quick, and then have buyer's remorse pulling way back and getting paranoid. Remember OP, you CHOSE to sleep with him.

 

Also, maybe this will put things into perspective. Imagine that you were given a small serving of your favorite food. Then you were told you couldn't have it again for weeks or even months. But you were still around it regularly. After awhile, ALL you'd think about was that food. It's the same way with sex for guys. You had sex once and haven't seen him in person since. But he is still interacting with you regularly. So it's a constant reminder of what he only got to have once. If you guys had started having sex somewhat regularly after that and he got that release, it would stay in the background. Then he'd talk to you about normal things like he used to. But since he doesn't have that release with you in person, the only way he can get a hint of it, is to talk to you about it regularly.

 

So from that perspective, I'd cut the guy a little bit of slack. The fact that he is still in your life says something. I mean if all he was after was sex, he would have dropped you and found a girl he could have sex with. If and when you guys start having sex on a somewhat regular basis, it won't occupy his thoughts all the time because he'll be having it with you.

Edited April 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Redhead14]

**Sorry kind of long**

 

So I've been on this site called Tinder since my Freshman year of college off and on. I matched with this guy around the time I first got it, we exchanged snapchat names and that was it. I didn't think he was all that cute, so I would sometimes reply and never wanted to meet him. NOW 2 years later its a different story. I'm originally from Texas, but go to an out of state school, when we matched it was back at home. When I was down last Thanksgiving, I went out with a few friends to a bar and noticed that a guy sitting down looked super familiar--then it came to me, it was the guy from Tinder. I snapped him and said "is this you?" and he replied with "yes" I thought to myself, HOLY COW this guy is beautiful. We started to talk and thought it was funny how we finally met after 2 years...especially that way. I was already crushing instantly. He had everything together, a very good job, very funny, and very handsome. I felt so bad for being so shallow...He's a few years older than me. I'm 21 and he's 24, but not that big of a difference.

 

 

After that he texted me and said it was nice meeting me, that he would love to take me out...but it never happened, although on Thanksgiving I did go over to hangout with him. We smoked and watched TV. It was a little awkward, but mainly because I was very attracted to him. When I left I didn't even bother to hug him to say bye haha. A few days later I returned back to school and we just continued what we did before, snapchatting. I went back to Texas for Christmas break, and told him I was down. He said we should "meet up/ hang" but it saddly never happened. When I returned back to school after break he ended up sending me a snap with dinner for two...I asked if he was on a date and he said yes. It all made sense. He was seeing someone, but i mistakenly didn't know it. I never knew he had a girlfriend but at the same time it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong with me or cheating on her. I respected him for that. FINALLY when I came down this year for Spring Break, that's when everything happened.

 

I went out with friends and he did too. We wanted to hang out after that, in my mind I just wanted to hook up with him. It was fine with me. I don't live in Texas. So around 2AM I texted him asking if he was home, and he said "no" because there were no more ubers driving. I said I could pick him up, since I had to drop my friend off where he was. So I picked him and his two friends up, and dropped my friend off. He lives right around the block from me (which is even funnier) and and when we were driving to his place I made a comment on my dads work. My dad is selling his practice so I said "if anyone is interested in **** practice. It's for sale" Then he said "wait is your dad ***** ******?" I said "omg yeah!" He replied "OH well I'm his financial analyst. I'm working with him on that deal. We go out to eat almost every week" We couldn't get over how small our city was. It was the the most hilarious thing. We live right around the corner from each other and my dad and him are friends. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? So finally we got to his place and his friends go in their cars and left.

 

He asked if I wanted to come in, and I was hesitant (because I was nervous since he knew my dad) but I did it anyway. We just relaxed on the couch then I said "ok I think I should go. It's super late" he said "ok that's fine" and as I was about to walk out I turned around and kissed him. We ended up, you know, and I stayed over. I left immediately because I felt kind of awkward, and I didn't tell my parents I wasn't coming home. I knew they would be worried. (sounds like I'm 12). When I got home I texted him saying "thanks for getting me into cuddling. I had fun" and he replied instantly saying "I had a lot of fun too. (I HATE CUDDLING, but it was nice with him). He said "We should go out sometime" and I said "yes lets! What do you have in mind?" He said tomorrow come to a concert with me. One of my buddies is playing. I agreed. The next day he picked me up from my house, came inside...said hi to my dad and then we left to the concert. His friends were there who were very nice. The whole time he had his hands on me, said "I really like you" and was very touchy the whole time. He asked his friend if she could take a picture of us and said I should add it to Instagram. Idk I felt like things were very couple-like. After that he dropped me off at home, and I kissed him goodnight. He texted me that night saying he had a fun time with me that we should do something again. I agreed and he said we should go to the beach on Thursday which was 2 days later.

 

As Thursday approached he asked if I wanted wine or whiskey for the beach (we were going at night) and I told him to surprise me. When he picked me up he came in and said hi to my parents then we were off to the beach. It was very cloudy out, and he apologized because he wanted it to be romantic. He brought red wine, snacks, and blankets. his plan was to see the stars, but it didn't happen. We talked and kissed. It was a very romantic date. I didn't even care that it was cloudy, although I was SO cold. I mentioned that I had a vacant beach house a mile from where we were, that we should go. He said it was fine. So we went to my beach house, I showed him around and we talked. We talked about how he got out of a relationship in February, which explained a lot, talked about his family (deep issues), and everything. We did end up having sex that night. But it wasn't the same. After we cuddled and it felt like we had a connection. We fell asleep in each others arms, but we needed to leave because my parents of course would have been worried. He dropped me off at home, and kissed goodnight. He texted me that night and said he had such a wonderful time with me. That he will miss me while I'm gone. (Had to leave the next day back to school)

 

 

Since then we have texted and snap chatted each other. Sometimes I get the feeling that it's all about sex, because that's what he comments on when we text and snapchat. I did comment on it a couple weeks ago. I said "wow you treat me like a piece of meat ;)" trying to joke about it because I don't want to be that girl. He replied with "If I was only interested in you physically, I would have gotten bored by now" It made me feel so good, but I have HUGE trust issues. I'm officially going back to Texas for Law School in the same city, so he knows I'm coming back this summer and until I'm done. He makes comments on this summer that we will be "doing yoga, hunting, fishing, going to his ranch, etc." so I mean I see his effort with the distance. He says he misses me, and how he can't wait until I'm back in Texas.

 

He mentions how he can't wait to have sex with me. All these things. I guess what I'm saying is am I wasting my time? When it comes to dating, I always think the worst, and then the worst happens. It just seems as if when we snapchat it's usually sexual, and it throws me off because of the things he has said. He says "theres something about you, but I like it"

 

 

Maybe I can only judge until I'm back home. I don't know. I just feel like since we already had sex from the beginning, that's what our relationship is based on, even if it was mutual when it came to having a hookup. I didn't expect all of this to happen. I didn't expect him to take me out on dates after having sex. I just kinda thought that was it after it happened. Today, he did say I was the last person he had sex with, and that he doesn't have time for games.

 

Typing this all, I feel like I have an answer. But I like to hear others opinions. What do you think?

 

If you don't want to be wondering if it's all about sex with a man, don't have sex with him until he's demonstrated a serious interest in you over a period of time. Say a couple of months of consistent dating and contact.

 

He mentions how he can't wait to have sex with me

 

It just seems as if when we snapchat it's usually sexual

 

that's what our relationship is based on -- there is no relationship yet. So all there is is sex. That's the reason you are questioning all this.

 

All that being said, he did take you out after having sex, so that's a good sign.

 

Just wait and see what happens over the next couple of months. When you get back to Texas and if he asks you out, don't have sex with him right away. Hit the "reset" button. In other words, go out with him, keep the dates public and don't leave the opportunity for sex to happen for a little while and observe his words and actions. You don't really know this guy yet. Yes, he knows your father and they have a business relationship. I'd also be very careful because of that. You will be walking a tight rope for a little while if things pick back up when you get back.

[Gary S]

I don't see it as booty calls, It sounds like a budding relationship to me. To see true intent, look at the the actions, not the words. Actions scream.

 

I will admit he talks too much about sex, but that's par for the course, a lot of guys do. It's hard to find a gentleman today. I guess you'll have to see if it turns you off too much.