minimoe Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Hello. I met my ex boyfriend about a year ago, he is older than me - 39 and I am 23. During our whole relationship he hasn't felt that he is in control. He had to "chase" me for 3 months before I even considered dating him - meaning he flew to another country just to take me out. He talked about wanting to marry me, have children and I liked the idea because I was madly inlove and so was he. He told me he was scared because it was the first time he ever felt like this. I moved in with him after a while and it was a bit difficult since we argued about jealousy mostly. I am not bragging or anything, I just want you to understand the situation, but I have a big presence on social media and I get a lot of attention from men, especially famous ones. But he knew that when we started dating. I always reassured him that I could delete my accounts for him and if it was a problem then I wouldn't hesitate to get rid off it. He always said no, yet we always argued about it. He was always, constantly, claiming that I was in contact with other men etc.. Accusing me of having a secret phone in the house.. I moved to another city for him and I didn't know anyone there. I basically never left the house. I was always at home or the gym. He never once took me out and constantly had things to do with his friends. I am sure he wasn't cheating, just not accustomed to living with someone. Yet I was always the one who according to him "cheated" The week we broke up was quite an intense one. We both went out on the Thursday(seperately) and he went out again on Friday and Saturday. On Saturday we had a massive fight because he promised me that we would do something but instead he made plans with his friends. He asked me to join but that was not really what I wanted. I thought it was disrespectful to me. I dont think it is normal that your partner goes out partying or even hangs out with his friends three nights in a row til 5 in the morning. Also, I might have to mention that I am pregnant, in the early stages (not showing yet) and he knew this. So on the Tuesday the following week, I see a notification from a social media account on his phone - an account he claimed he did not have. Of course I look and he tells me it is definitely not him and that "I will be apologising for accusing him later" but I knew it was him, so I used his old password to log into it and yeah, safe to say is that it definitely was him. He followed his friends and his ex girlfriend on there. And as soon as I told him I logged into it, he grabbed my phone, pushed me away, denied me my phone until he changed the password. I started crying because something did not feel right. The next day I was meant to leave to see my parents. But I decided to leave him because I felt like he did not appreciate and respect me. He lied about small things and it just did not make sense to me. I packed my bags and I put on a brave face and acted like I was happy when I left. He just stayed in the spare bedroom and I could feel his pain. As soon as I got out he texted me. I chose not to reply and then he sent me several text messages. I decided not to answer them because I was busy going through airport security. When I get on the plane, I get a call from "hidden" and the person just hangs up. I text him to see if it was him. He replies: "Yes, I knew you weren't going to the airport. I am happy I finally caught you doing your ****".. Bizarre.. He was texting me all day that day, and the next day a very famous celebrity contacted me (he could see it) and he sent me a message saying that I was a groupie. Even though I did not even reply or entertain him at all! And he called me disgusting, saying he wants nothing to do with me etc.. This was 4 days ago and he has been ignoring me since. I wrote him heartfelt messages on whatsapp and he just blocked me after seeing it. He does not reply to my messages or calls. His friend told me he hadn't heard from him all weekend. It is the first time I have actually left him and the first time we have not talked in so long. I tried talking about the pregnancy but he is just ignoring me. It is very hurtful.. What are your thoughts and opinions? What do you think is going through his mind? What should I do?
Karin2rinkashi Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Hello. I met my ex boyfriend about a year ago, he is older than me - 39 and I am 23. During our whole relationship he hasn't felt that he is in control. He had to "chase" me for 3 months before I even considered dating him - meaning he flew to another country just to take me out. He talked about wanting to marry me, have children and I liked the idea because I was madly inlove and so was he. He told me he was scared because it was the first time he ever felt like this. I moved in with him after a while and it was a bit difficult since we argued about jealousy mostly. I am not bragging or anything, I just want you to understand the situation, but I have a big presence on social media and I get a lot of attention from men, especially famous ones. But he knew that when we started dating. I always reassured him that I could delete my accounts for him and if it was a problem then I wouldn't hesitate to get rid off it. He always said no, yet we always argued about it. He was always, constantly, claiming that I was in contact with other men etc.. Accusing me of having a secret phone in the house.. I moved to another city for him and I didn't know anyone there. I basically never left the house. I was always at home or the gym. He never once took me out and constantly had things to do with his friends. I am sure he wasn't cheating, just not accustomed to living with someone. Yet I was always the one who according to him "cheated" The week we broke up was quite an intense one. We both went out on the Thursday(seperately) and he went out again on Friday and Saturday. On Saturday we had a massive fight because he promised me that we would do something but instead he made plans with his friends. He asked me to join but that was not really what I wanted. I thought it was disrespectful to me. I dont think it is normal that your partner goes out partying or even hangs out with his friends three nights in a row til 5 in the morning. Also, I might have to mention that I am pregnant, in the early stages (not showing yet) and he knew this. So on the Tuesday the following week, I see a notification from a social media account on his phone - an account he claimed he did not have. Of course I look and he tells me it is definitely not him and that "I will be apologising for accusing him later" but I knew it was him, so I used his old password to log into it and yeah, safe to say is that it definitely was him. He followed his friends and his ex girlfriend on there. And as soon as I told him I logged into it, he grabbed my phone, pushed me away, denied me my phone until he changed the password. I started crying because something did not feel right. The next day I was meant to leave to see my parents. But I decided to leave him because I felt like he did not appreciate and respect me. He lied about small things and it just did not make sense to me. I packed my bags and I put on a brave face and acted like I was happy when I left. He just stayed in the spare bedroom and I could feel his pain. As soon as I got out he texted me. I chose not to reply and then he sent me several text messages. I decided not to answer them because I was busy going through airport security. When I get on the plane, I get a call from "hidden" and the person just hangs up. I text him to see if it was him. He replies: "Yes, I knew you weren't going to the airport. I am happy I finally caught you doing your ****".. Bizarre.. He was texting me all day that day, and the next day a very famous celebrity contacted me (he could see it) and he sent me a message saying that I was a groupie. Even though I did not even reply or entertain him at all! And he called me disgusting, saying he wants nothing to do with me etc.. This was 4 days ago and he has been ignoring me since. I wrote him heartfelt messages on whatsapp and he just blocked me after seeing it. He does not reply to my messages or calls. His friend told me he hadn't heard from him all weekend. It is the first time I have actually left him and the first time we have not talked in so long. I tried talking about the pregnancy but he is just ignoring me. It is very hurtful.. What are your thoughts and opinions? What do you think is going through his mind? What should I do? Well, it seems like you left for the right reasons. He wasn't appreciating you and doing his own things. On top of that he was also doing shady things and then denying them. So, you went with your instincts and that was a good thing, from your perspective. Now, when you decided to leave him and go away, it was a decision that you took. You shouldn't try to get back on talking terms with him. Meaning, we know that it is tough but you made that decision for your reasons. And it is not that you JUST got up without trying, you actually tried to communicate with him and then when he failed to respond, you decided to move on with your life. You know you deserve better and you said it yourself that he is not respecting your wants and needs. I think, the power that you had after you decided to walk out, you are just giving it back bit by bit, as you try more and more to contact him. Why do you want him back? Look at what you wrote, you are pregnant and you TRIED to communicate, but he isn't responding. Obviously, he is not on the same page. And it doesn't even sound like just a matter of compatibility and misconduct. This is also about mistrust that is being manifested due to his other activities, and he is denying it all even after you caught him. Simply, you should stay put with your decision and not pursue him. You are getting the shorter end of the stick in this relationship. And with all the rep. you have, as you mentioned, you have nothing to lose. He is the one who is going to read about you everywhere while you won't hear about him unless you want to. It is a win win for you if you walk away. If he changes then you can take him or just move on. Don't look back! He is ignoring you because you are paying attention to him. No attention, no ignoring. You know the deal! GOOD LUCK!
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