terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Hi all.. been seeing this guy.. about once a week for 3 weeks now.. great chemistry.. having fun... I was away this past weekend, but we stayed in relatively constant contact... Haven't heard from him all day and he knows I'm returning today... Wait for him to make plans? Or, drop him a line now that I'm home?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 If he has initiated contact on all three date invites, I'd say that it's time for you to reach out for a change. Now I'm not saying to ask him out on a date or anything. Just initiate contact to let him take the hint you want to see him again. Then when he hears from you, he can ask when you're free and plan the next date.
Redhead14 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Hi all.. been seeing this guy.. about once a week for 3 weeks now.. great chemistry.. having fun... I was away this past weekend, but we stayed in relatively constant contact... Haven't heard from him all day and he knows I'm returning today... Wait for him to make plans? Or, drop him a line now that I'm home? He knows you're home. It's still early with this scenario. Let him contact you. You should still be in the "receptive mode". He contacts, you be receptive.
Vintage79 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't worry about who does what when - if you like him and don't feel like waiting around and being clueless, reach out to him. It's been a few dates, you claim there seems to be mutual interest, good chemistry, etc. Basically, there's no reason to play games, and if the interest is as mutual as you claim, he'll probably like you reaching out to him. From my perspective, and when just starting to date some one, if the woman hasn't initiated anything (usually by date 4-6), I usually drop her - dating is a 2 way street, if they never step up, I step out. What's wrong in showing some interest? It doesn't sound like it will be rejected, and he'll probably like it. 2
Gary S Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Men are usually the primary pursuer in the beginning. I say let him stick his neck out and ask you out. Why should you face rejection if you don't have to? After a couple months when he is in love with you, you can ease up on this and make some of the dates. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 If you've been out on a few dates, it would be OK to ask him out I think. If he's really interested in you, he will like it. One of the last girls I was dating always hinted about asking me out/doing activities she liked, but never followed through - I was disappointed.
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 ok thanks! I'm more of the traditional mindset.. I like to be pursued, who doesn't? His last message was that he was going to bed and said it was always nice to talk to me... But never suggested a hangout.. He has been very flirty, saying he couldn't wait to kiss me again.. Just assumed he'd initiate?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 ok thanks! I'm more of the traditional mindset.. I like to be pursued, who doesn't? His last message was that he was going to bed and said it was always nice to talk to me... But never suggested a hangout.. He has been very flirty, saying he couldn't wait to kiss me again.. Just assumed he'd initiate? You can wait a day, and if you haven't heard from him, then you could initiate perhaps. Yes - if he was interested ideally he should initiate, but maybe he's been busy. That being said I think its OK for a woman to initiate as well, and it shouldn't hurt. Just be sure that you have something in mind to do, because you'd have to plan it.
Redhead14 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You can wait a day, and if you haven't heard from him, then you could initiate perhaps. Yes - if he was interested ideally he should initiate, but maybe he's been busy. That being said I think its OK for a woman to initiate as well, and it shouldn't hurt. Just be sure that you have something in mind to do, because you'd have to plan it. Since there has been a "break in the action" so to speak, I'd leave the ball in his court. He may never call her or contact her again. If she contacts him first, he may respond but she'll also wonder if he would have called or contacted her again first. Thus the cycle begins of wondering about his seriousness. I'd typically not begin initiating for a least a month of regular dating initiated by the man. And,then it would be initiating conversations and texting (not much into texting though). And those conversations would include things I like to do or am looking forward to doing at some point (not specifically with him). Seed the conversations so he knows what to ask her out to do. Later, I may suggest something specific and ask if he is interested in doing that. It's also about getting to know the man. Once you've initiated a couple of calls or texts and you get a sense of whether he likes that or not, she can do more of it. But it takes a little while. In this case, there were 3 dates and lots of contact between. There really isn't any real reason to question whether he'll contact her therefore no need to test the waters by contacting him first. That's really what this is about. She's getting a little insecure because she hasn't heard from him and wants to reach out to "remind" him she's still there. If he needs to be reminded . . .
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Since there has been a "break in the action" so to speak, I'd leave the ball in his court. He may never call her or contact her again. If she contacts him first, he may respond but she'll also wonder if he would have called or contacted her again first. Thus the cycle begins of wondering about his seriousness. I'd typically not begin initiating for a least a month of regular dating initiated by the man. And,then it would be initiating conversations and texting (not much into texting though). And those conversations would include things I like to do or am looking forward to doing at some point (not specifically with him). Seed the conversations so he knows what to ask her out to do. Later, I may suggest something specific and ask if he is interested in doing that. It's also about getting to know the man. Once you've initiated a couple of calls or texts and you get a sense of whether he likes that or not, she can do more of it. But it takes a little while. In this case, there were 3 dates and lots of contact between. There really isn't any real reason to question whether he'll contact her therefore no need to test the waters by contacting him first. That's really what this is about. She's getting a little insecure because she hasn't heard from him and wants to reach out to "remind" him she's still there. If he needs to be reminded . . . Eh - I care to disagree. There shouldn't be any "wondering" or speculation. If you like someone, take action. If you don't like someone, then DON'T! It doesn't need to be a huge game all the time (only some of the time ) 1
Vintage79 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 ok thanks! I'm more of the traditional mindset.. I like to be pursued, who doesn't? His last message was that he was going to bed and said it was always nice to talk to me... But never suggested a hangout.. He has been very flirty, saying he couldn't wait to kiss me again.. Just assumed he'd initiate? Your words - if everyone likes to be pursued - why not step up your game and make him feel appreciated on occasion. I'm guessing a lot dates blow up in your face these days. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You have only known him for 3 weeks. You went away. He's either giving you space as you ease back into normal routine or he thinks you don't like him. He can still pursue you but you do need to communicate to him that you want to be pursued by calling to say you are back. 1
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Seeing each other once a week isn't serious.....don't be surprised he takes his time contacting you again. If you really like this guy you need to show him you are interested by initiating text, calls and dates. Too many times I have seen on here guys complaining that girls don't initiate enough so they figure the girl has not really interest or has lost interest. ladies it's a modern age, it's time to put yourself out there more. 1
Diezel Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Thus the cycle begins of wondering about his seriousness. Um, isn't that what this thread is about right now? That's why I don't like these games. Listen, as a PERSON... male or female, if you want to contact someone, just do it. It's. That. Simple. 1
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 ha, they don't "blow up in my face" persay... I just am more traditional typically.. Trying to me open-minded. I've dated a lot so I know the ins and outs, just trying to be classy, but not too hard to get..
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 I do agree people should just reach out if they want something, totally!! You can't expect others to read your mind.. all good advice on here!! 1
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 ha, they don't "blow up in my face" persay... I just am more traditional typically.. Trying to me open-minded. I've dated a lot so I know the ins and outs, just trying to be classy, but not too hard to get.. Classy doesn't sell, being sexy/flirty/mysterious/seductive sells. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Since you liked to be pursued, I'm assuming he has initiated almost all the contact including the three times he set up dates. So look at it from his POV. He probably feels that it's time for you to put yourself out there a little bit. Now as I said before, putting yourself in his orbit still allows him to take the hint and make plans. Even something as simple as sending a text saying "Tell me about the best part of your trip!" But at least this shows you're taking an active interest. I'm an old school gentleman and enjoy planning and initiating MOST of the time. But I wouldn't date a woman that never put herself out there, never paid from time to time, etc.. Dating isn't a one sided experience. 2
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 To be honest, I'm in a weird spot because I kind of just want a flirty, fun fling with this specific guy... (just got out of a relationship about a month ago).. I'm not sure how compatable we are on a more serious level, but I don't want to come off like I'm just interested in hooking up.. I can't imagine any guy would have a problem with that though?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 To be honest, I'm in a weird spot because I kind of just want a flirty, fun fling with this specific guy... (just got out of a relationship about a month ago).. I'm not sure how compatable we are on a more serious level, but I don't want to come off like I'm just interested in hooking up.. I can't imagine any guy would have a problem with that though? Ok stop. You're in the realm of leading this guy along. If you want to hook-up, you need to make that clear, or at least implied. This guy might think you want a relationship. Some of you women just don't know what you want -_- lol
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) To be honest, I'm in a weird spot because I kind of just want a flirty, fun fling with this specific guy... (just got out of a relationship about a month ago).. I'm not sure how compatable we are on a more serious level, but I don't want to come off like I'm just interested in hooking up.. I can't imagine any guy would have a problem with that though? Gotta say, if I was in his situation, I'd be pissed off at you. I mean here you are complaining about him not initiating enough and that you want to be taken out on dates like you're being courted for a potential relationship. But then you turn around saying you just want to have a fling. What you need to do is make up your mind (you can't have it both ways) and be honest with the guy about where he stands. Right now since you just got out of a relationship, you essentially want an entertainment guide to court you and treat you like a potential GF, while you get to have fun with no strings. Realistically the guy is a rebound and you need to tell him that. If all you want is a fling, then he shouldn't be pursuing you or courting you. You two should just be hooking up when the mood strikes. I mean it would be one thing if he knew where you stood from the get go, and he was enough of a sucker to still take you out on dates. Then that's his choice. But so far he's an innocent victim in this being strung along by you. Gotta call BS on your behavior little lady. The guy deserves better. Edited April 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Diezel Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 If you want a fun fling, then why are you so concerned about who contacts who? This thread's original proposition is now rendered invalid.
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 I'm not sure how much information I have that says this guy isn't looking for the same? I do like him.. but he hasn't been 100% reliable.. He bailed on a weekend hangout because he was with his friends, tried to include me in the plan, and it didn't work out.. Otherwise he's been good.. but no clear indication on his end he's looking for a relationship either? If I felt he were, I'd hurry up to figure out what it is I want.. If the chemistry continued to be good and he was consistent, then I'd absolutely consider being in a relationship...
Author terlaughs Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 I'd like him to initiate plans so I can decide if this is headed in the relationship direction or not... I'd imagine if things are very slow-moving, but we're in contact all the time, then there's a good chance he just wants the attention.. just my speculation, but I could be wrong! I don't really want a texting buddy at this point.. I prefer more action. It just delays the process...
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) I'm not sure how much information I have that says this guy isn't looking for the same? I do like him.. but he hasn't been 100% reliable.. He bailed on a weekend hangout because he was with his friends, tried to include me in the plan, and it didn't work out.. Otherwise he's been good.. but no clear indication on his end he's looking for a relationship either? If I felt he were, I'd hurry up to figure out what it is I want.. If the chemistry continued to be good and he was consistent, then I'd absolutely consider being in a relationship... Once again, you're acting like you're a woman that has no clue what she wants. If all you want is a fling, why should it matter how consistent he is with you? A fling means no strings. If the guy is the type to want a relationship, he'd want it to be with a woman that was baggage free, or at least carrying as little of it as possible. Since you just broke up with your BF a month ago, any guy that you start seeing is automatically a rebound. So if I was in his place, I wouldn't want to invest time in a woman that just got out of a relationship. That's why you need to be honest with him either way. Level with him and say "I just got out of a relationship a month ago and don't want anything serious. So it's best if we just hang out, hook up, and have fun with no strings". That way if he wants a relationship with someone, he can meet a woman that's actually ready and if he only wants a fling, you two are on the same page and he isn't taking you out on dates. Edited April 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365
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