old ex getting married?

[flitzanu]

Ok, not sure if this is really a coping question, but I’m more curious about other peoples’ reactions on this to see if I’m reacting strangely. I’ve posted some stuff previously, but this isn’t about the same girl that messed with my head so recently.

 

I have an ex from about 3 years ago that I lived with for 2 years (relationship was just a tad longer than that) and we split on fairly bad terms. It was pretty typical, she lost her feelings and I was deathly in love with her and only after the fact realized my mistakes, blah blah, and eventually our communication came to a major halt when she started acting childish about settling a few adult things…she ended up getting her parents involved and wouldn’t deal with me (like taking her name off my checking account for one). So she is dating this new guy from out of state like 2 days after we break up, she had been talking to him on the phone before we actually split up too. It’s all in the past, so whatever on that part. Well, we’ve started talking more and more, we’ve kept a bit of email contact over the past year or so, she has since had this guy’s baby and they are still together (for 3 years now) and not married. Well, I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for her, even though I felt true hate for her too…but in my mind it was simply the true love that drove me to hate. Again, irrelevant. Things have cleared up a bit, we’ve gotten to be “friends” again through email, she’s called me a couple times too and things are always nice. There of course are reminiscent feelings that I have and I’m sure she does, we end up talking about the good times we had together and bringing up memories about the past. Ok, so all good. She says something the other day about like “if I was given the chance that she knows all our issues would be cleared up that we had.” I don’t take this as a sign that she wants me or anything, it was just odd to hear from her. I suppose I was letting myself dance in the memories we had in the past. I’ve never discounted her from my heart, I’ve allowed the possibility that maybe we’ll end up together again, but I haven’t counted on it.

 

Ok, so I’ll sum up. The other day, she asks how our mental connection is, and she tells me she has news for me and wants to see if I pick up on it (we have a pretty strong psychic bond…but that’s another story). So, I tell her what was on my mind, I had been thinking all weekend about her and that she was pregnant…and she admits that she is. Ok weird enough there. She also says that they have decided to get married this summer.

 

Now…this hits me very strange…maybe a feeling of “finality” for the situation? I’m not sure if I want to feel awkward about it though, and I’m curious if anyone else out there has had a similar situation. It’s not so much hurtful and upsetting, it’s just…I dunno. It’s SOMETHING and I can’t quite figure out what the emotion is. Any insight?

[bubblygrl5]

Haven't been in your shoes really - so I couldnt say for sure. Maybe a little bit of shock and disbelief? As long as she wasn't married there was always the "hope" that you too would be reunited, and now this kinda seals the deal.

 

 

Bubbly

[flitzanu]

thanks bubbly, that's sorta what the thought and feeling is for me, the best i can make of it at least.

[AriaIncognito]

I dated a man for 4 years. A few weeks after our final breakup, he started dating his now wife. 4 years I spent with him. Never got a ring. She met him in July 2001. They were engaged to be married that following December 2001, and got married in June of 2003. I was, of course, bitter, that this woman was able to get a ring out of him in 5 months, yet I spent 4 years and got nothing. It sucked. It made me wonder what was so wrong with me, that I never got the offer. It also proved to me that I had to get over him, because he'd moved on.

 

I didnt date for 3 years after my relationship ended with him. I really can't even say why in particular. Never met anyone, didn't feel much of a need, don't know. He and I stayed friends through it all, and he asked me to come to their wedding. Let me tell you, that was an interesting day for me. Half the people in the room knew me from when he and I dated (as 4 years with someone you're bound to get to know their family and whatnot) and were asking me how i was holding up. I brought my best friend (a woman) with me, because I couldn't do it alone. I had no idea how I was going to react.

 

Believe it or not, I didn't shed a single tear. I thought I would. I just kinda always felt a little "ooky" about the whole thing. Even now, I know he and I were NOT right for eachother, and I don't want to be with him AT ALL, but I get pangs of jealousy, knowing he's happily married (and just recently had his first child with her in January 2005) and i'm still looking for Mr Right. He's so happy, I always wonder "why not me".

 

So, to sum it up, I don't think your feelings are odd at all. You're bound to be taken aback from the news, and there could be a piece of you that really thought you'd end up together, eventually.

 

Jennifer

[moon]

I think that movie "When Harry Met Sally" sums up things pretty good. You should watch that.

 

I love that movie. It just shows you how life can play out in weird twists of fate. An ex of mine (who I really loved) got married after knowing the women for about six months and she was already a few months pregnant. We were long since broken up, though, by a few years. They, apparently, are still happy and all that. What to say.....it'll happen to you too one day. That's about all you can believe in. Wish the couple well and try to keep your distance and I guess remember that 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce these days (but don't hold your breath).

 

I personally think it's easier when an ex finally gets married. They are off the market and somebody else's responsibility. Even if you still had some glimmer of hope that one day you might cross paths (even if it was in ten years).....you can sort of cross them off the list of could be's and maybe's.......And kind of make peace with it. I actually remember thinking that when this particular ex got married (to whom I didn't know) it would be easier. I was right!!! It's weird how that works.