Jump to content

Why would an affair partner not respond to contact by betrayed spouse?

movingforward2013

By movingforward2013
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

cocorico Established Member

cocorico

Posted
Posted
I contacted her- she never responded. I have yet to her side via words, text, phone, email. She has never once responded to me. The last contact I made was telling her to stay away from my son. He never responded but she stayed away.

 

Why does her side matter? Why should she respond? If m BF's former partner started hassling me about being around his kid I would also not respond to her. I might have a word with him telling him to get her out of my face, but I would not deal with her myself. I don't go looking for drama.

truncated Established Member

truncated

Posted
Posted

Stop worrying about him and the ow and place all your concern on your son.

 

In the custody arrangements you have with your ex, was any mention made of exposing your child to people he may be dating? If not, you may want to consider doing so.

 

Exposing him to the women in his life, especially when the relationship may not be permanent, is not good for your son. he may get attached, and then hurt when she is no longer there. Many divorced parents have an agreement not to expose the child to someone they are dating without permission of the other parent, or at least until some form of commitment has been made.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Stop worrying about him and the ow and place all your concern on your son.

 

In the custody arrangements you have with your ex, was any mention made of exposing your child to people he may be dating? If not, you may want to consider doing so.

 

Exposing him to the women in his life, especially when the relationship may not be permanent, is not good for your son. he may get attached, and then hurt when she is no longer there. Many divorced parents have an agreement not to expose the child to someone they are dating without permission of the other parent, or at least until some form of commitment has been made.

The OW and the WH have now been together 2.5 years and are both Drs if I remember correctly so although not guaranteed to be responsible, they are hardly vagrants.

Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted

While the BS emailed me twice she actually never asked me any questions so I didn't see what I would respond to.

 

I understand what you are saying but, from my point of view, what would I say to her? I wasn't not going to be with him (he had left), I felt bad but to say I was sorry or whatever and continued with him would be negate those expressions, I wouldn't lie but I also was not going to give her what she wanted.

 

So since I could not see any good out of talking I didn't reach out to her. I really had no idea what I would have said.

 

In your case, what does hearing her side going to do for you? How does hearing the facts from her going to help with your healing? Are you hoping to change the course of events?

 

I am sorry for the pain you are going through.

truncated Established Member

truncated

Posted
Posted
The OW and the WH have now been together 2.5 years and are both Drs if I remember correctly so although not guaranteed to be responsible, they are hardly vagrants.

 

 

it's got nothing to do with profession or anything else. If being a doctor meant that one was responsible in other areas, the affair would never have happened.From what the op says, the ow is moving three hours away to do her residency.

 

The child involved is NOT the child of the ow and her ex husband. The mom has every right to hash out certain agreements with her ex, and if the ow doen't like it, that's not the mom's problem.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
it's got nothing to do with profession or anything else. If being a doctor meant that one was responsible in other areas, the affair would never have happened.From what the op says, the ow is moving three hours away to do her residency.

 

The child involved is NOT the child of the ow and her ex husband. The mom has every right to hash out certain agreements with her ex, and if the ow doen't like it, that's not the mom's problem.

 

Of course, but I was replying to your implication that the father was "dating", when he has been in a relationship with the OW for at least 2.5 years. I do not think it its the OW that is objecting here, it is the mom(BS), who told her the OW, she cannot have any contact with her son.

Understandable totally, but how does that work out long term? Her son may not be able to see his father and visit his home, if he is not allowed to have contact with the OW. For the good of the child, all need to be adult here.

  • Like 1
Trishern Established Member

Trishern

Posted
Posted

I think reasons she would not respond are:

 

 

-shame

-not wanting to be abused

-not giving two hoots about you

 

 

Though, I must say she didn't know your H was married. He lied and deceived her. Why she wants to remain with him is up to her. Maybe she was in too deep by then.

 

 

Be glad your rid of him. Don't let this eat away at you for the rest of your life.

 

 

He betrayed you so early in your marriage and whist a betrayal hurts at any time, you have to ask how committed he was to do that.

 

 

There are decent guys out there and in time he may be the one who has to live with your son having a step dad, likely to spend more time with him than he does. I was going to say his los, but unfortunately it could affect your son as well.

 

 

The best revenge is living well and moving on. get to a point where asides from communication about your son he and her could be flies on the wall.

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Trishern

minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted
Her son may not be able to see his father and visit his home, if he is not allowed to have contact with the OW. For the good of the child, all need to be adult here.

 

^^^ agreed.

 

this OW will probably be around for a long time - that said, the child WILL meet her & be around her. and what if the OW & the xH eventually have a child of their own? this will be a half - sibling of the OP's child and they will have to build a relationship together.

 

i understand the dislike that the OP has for the OW but... it is what it is. there are no winners or losers in this story, it's not s competition, it's not a war. it's simply a new life situation that everyone has to accept for the sake of the child. accept, adapt & move on.

  • Like 2
Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
Of course, but I was replying to your implication that the father was "dating", when he has been in a relationship with the OW for at least 2.5 years. I do not think it its the OW that is objecting here, it is the mom(BS), who told her the OW, she cannot have any contact with her son.

Understandable totally, but how does that work out long term? Her son may not be able to see his father and visit his home, if he is not allowed to have contact with the OW. For the good of the child, all need to be adult here.

 

That and after the divorce unless the OW has a severe record of convictions, etc. there is nothing that can be done/will be done to prevent the child not to have interaction with the OW.

 

When people divorce unless there are major legal issues divorce decrees do not have the ability to mandate who and who cannot interact with the child. There are overnight clauses, etc. but general interaction is impossible. Nor can the child be kept from the father over this demand. It just doesn't work like that.

  • Like 2
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...