ZiggyZoo Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 Now find a good guy like me. We deserve someone too! Hmmm, Loveshack dating service. Shoot, we'd already know the gory details about each others' past relationships. And NC would be easy, most of us understand the importance of not breaking it. Hee hee! But seriously, hollypolly, I can totally relate to feeling that abrupt NC was harsh. I did the same thing, and have wondered about sending my ex an explanation. But I just ask what good it would do. He's figured out why I did it, and if his feelings were a little hurt because I didn't give him any warning, then tough. Turnabout is fair play. I'm sorry your year has been so crappy. That's a lot to go through at once, no wonder you're not feeling like yourself. I'd say just keep pushing forward, you'll get there. And try to not beat yourself up about your other past relationships not working. Those don't reflect anything lacking or bad in you, but it can be easy to think so when you're already down.
Throldur Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Im so sorry you had to go through all of that. I think someone cheating on you is a special kind of pain and its not pretty at all. I feel like im searching constantly for my own blame in this breakup and I cant find it. This guy just freaked out, threw tantrums when I didnt do what he wanted or if i didnt agree with him. Then he just dumped me. My first post from last month explains the breakup accuratly for anyone interested You should have dumped him. No good man acts like that. Trust me.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 You should have dumped him. No good man acts like that. Trust me. Oh how I'm sure we all wish we could hop in a time machine and be the dumper.
Author hollypolly Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 You should have dumped him. No good man acts like that. Trust me. I know. Im hearing that alot and I heard it alot the last time. Im a master at making excuses for peoples bad behaviour.
Throldur Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I know. Im hearing that alot and I heard it alot the last time. Im a master at making excuses for peoples bad behaviour. I get it. I do the same thing. When you love someone you can't believe they have it in them to do horrible things. But, some people can think it, some people can do it, some people can do it and just not care. Look, I love my ex girlfriend more than ANYTHING in the world. I knew how I was going to propose, I knew what songs we were gonna play at the wedding and when, I knew what we would name our children.. There's nothing I can do to shake the feeling that SHE was who I was meant to be with and that -I- ****ed it all up. But, I didn't and you didn't either. We were with people who BLAMED us for things that were not entirely our fault. You really think you could have made a life with this guy who was abusive and got made when you DISAGREED? People have to think differently and no one will see the same thing the same way. He was NOT good for you. I get it. I can blame the other man all I want.. I can blame her stupid friends all I want.. but when it comes down to it, she was the one who aired her dirty laundry to a guy who was attracted to her, and DIDN'T talk to me. She was the one who had issues with the relationship that were minor and let them fester and DIDN'T talk to me about them until she said, "it's too late". SHE'S the one who believed all the bull**** about moving away being this magical adventure which would make her love herself, successful and independent, which it won't, but SHE did it.. nothing that felled our relationship wasn't fixable, it all was, but SHE was scared and SHE was delusional and SHE ran. She has to fix her **** before she's suitable for ME or even the clown she's with now. Your ex boyfriend is a deeply troubled man and he is even more unhealthy than my ex-girlfriend who left behind everything for a handful of magic beans. Don't make excuses for his bad behavior. That's just who he is. You can and will do better. 1
Author hollypolly Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks Throldur. I decided to get off my ass today and start trying to get my life back. Ive been through alot worse than this and I got through it. I went for a run today for the first time in a month and im going back to my fitness class tonight. I bought myself some new clothes and I plan to "fake it till I make it". I have huge support around me and Im very blessed. I just find some people make you lose faith in love with their stories of unhappy relationships, cheating partners and their constant compromising. Some have gone back to people who never deserved it and got their happy ending and it plants that seed of doubt. Most tell me to stay away as I deserve better and one suggested I go meet him and see if we can sort it out as no relationship is perfect. I have been in enough relationships to know they are far from perfect but I cant stay in one when im constantly feeling like at any minute he will walk away. Im not perfect myself but I refuse to settle for someone who doesnt love me enough to want to make it work. If they can walk away now when its all carefree then how could they stay when life got tough which it sometimes does. 1
Throldur Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks Throldur. I decided to get off my ass today and start trying to get my life back. Ive been through alot worse than this and I got through it. I went for a run today for the first time in a month and im going back to my fitness class tonight. I bought myself some new clothes and I plan to "fake it till I make it". I have huge support around me and Im very blessed. I just find some people make you lose faith in love with their stories of unhappy relationships, cheating partners and their constant compromising. Some have gone back to people who never deserved it and got their happy ending and it plants that seed of doubt. Most tell me to stay away as I deserve better and one suggested I go meet him and see if we can sort it out as no relationship is perfect. I have been in enough relationships to know they are far from perfect but I cant stay in one when im constantly feeling like at any minute he will walk away. Im not perfect myself but I refuse to settle for someone who doesnt love me enough to want to make it work. If they can walk away now when its all carefree then how could they stay when life got tough which it sometimes does. Exactly. When my ex-girlfriend first showed her GAD to me, it was about 4 months into the relationship. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't go to work. She would obsess over everything as if it was a horrible health concern. Blood clots was this big thing for her. She thought she could just develop one without knowing and it'd cause a stroke and kill her. We had to disable google search from her phone. She wouldn't sleep because she thought she wouldn't wake up. She'd constantly be crying and whenever I had to leave, she'd chase me down, crying, call me on my phone multiple times, get drives out to where I lived (30-45 minutes away) and just basically be afraid of everything. I stood by her, I worked with her, my mother who has anxiety herself spent hours upon hours on the phone with her. Soon, she would get to sleep. She got back to work. She got back on track and there would be little symptoms here or there, but for the most part, she was fine. She was embarrassed of this. She would apologize for it. Feel guilty for it and I would tell her, "If I can't go through the bad times with you then I don't deserve you in the good times." Fast forward and when things were "too stressful" for her, she just found this escape route that fit into what blissful perfect story she was being told by people who didn't have the greatest intentions or reasons and went for it. I didn't even do anything but wait until I had a secure job to want to move in and I wouldn't say "We're gonna be together forever" when she asked, I would say.. "I don't know the future but I wouldn't be here if I didn't think that this was going to last forever." and she would say, "Some day you can just wake up and not love someone anymore, I'm scared that will happen." I assured her it wouldn't but that it was just as likely for her to do that to me and that we can't worry about that because we love each other now and we will do whatever we can to ensure we always love each other. She would say, oh no, I would never not love you anymore. At least I can say, I never lied. All this to say.. you're right. He will leave you for disagreeing.. he will never stay with you when things get tough. Some people just run away. That's what they are. Runners. They will either change or they won't. However, from all you've said, even if he changes, I wouldn't take him back because you deserve better. Congratulations for making the decision that enough is enough and starting to get yourself back.
Author hollypolly Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 I think when i realised that it will be a month in a few days I just thought...ok thats enough now. Ive gone back to exs before and its never worked out as the problems are still there are they show up once things get back to normal. I refuse to put myself through that again. He wanted out and I let him go. Its time to close that chapter now and get on with my life. I have a wedding this weekend and once thats over then I plan to get back to living a happy life. 2
Throldur Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I think when i realised that it will be a month in a few days I just thought...ok thats enough now. Ive gone back to exs before and its never worked out as the problems are still there are they show up once things get back to normal. I refuse to put myself through that again. He wanted out and I let him go. Its time to close that chapter now and get on with my life. I have a wedding this weekend and once thats over then I plan to get back to living a happy life. There ya go. You'll get through this.
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