I really regret breaking up with my boyfriend, having a lot of mixed emotions

[jennybrookes]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months yesterday via text (not the best way I know) and then proceeded to block his number so he cannot contact me. I sent him a huge text telling him how bad me made me feel about myself as he would often put me down, and I was getting tired of waiting around for him constantly as he only seemed to see me when it suited him, most of the time he seemed to have better things to do.

 

He also had a habit of liking a certain girls photos on instagram (I know it sounds petty but it hurts), and liked on of his ex's photos the other day. That basically tipped me over the edge.

 

I just feel so bad for ending it this way and regret sending that long text in case I came across that I care too much (which I do obviously). I just feel like I said some real mean things. At one point in the text I called him a ******* idiot, and a self absorbed *******. Obviously this was unnecessary. I also told him how he didn't make me happy, and I have no idea how his ex put up with him for so long. I also told him it's sad he checks his girlfriends profiles everyday, and he seems desperate for liking other girls photos. I told him he didn't make me feel like I was good enough.

 

Obviously when I sent that text yesterday I was feeling very angry and it was kind of impulsive. I woke up this morning feeling very very sad and anxious and full of regret. I feel so sorry for ending it like that and feel I could have done it in a better way. I just felt he needed to know how he made me feel.

 

Obviously I cannot unblock his number now and apologize because I will seem needy and crazy and he will ignore me. I just keep expecting him to knock on my door, or contact one of my friends through facebook and ask them to tell me to speak to him (which he has done in the past), even though I am the one who blocked him. I just wish I knew what he was thinking and how he felt, I am so concerned about hurting his feelings even though he hurts mine and never takes any blame. I should not have cut him off immediately. I wish I was more mature and talked it out with him. What shall I do? I feel like I am going crazy

[SoftViolin]

Well, like you said, ending something over text is not the ideal way to go. Often times talking it out with the other person gives you at least the semblance of closure, as - assuming you are able to have a respectful conversation - you express your point of view, they express theirs and you both either feel heard or you don't. Either way you arrive at whatever decision seems best at that moment.

 

Having sad that -- sometimes some relationships are so toxic, that you either don't know or do not seem to be able to drag yourself out of them by a simple adult conversation. Yours might be one of them. It seems like you know you were in the wrong relationship, you weren't treated right. I am going to assume that you gave an indication of that to him throughout the relationship, or at least had discussions of what bothered you. And if that's true, and the behavior continued, you have eventually been brought to the 'breaking point', where in your frustration you ended it via an impulsive text. Reading your story and almost immediate remorse, I don't know if you would have made the same decision of leaving this bad for you relationship in a face to face conversation.

 

It's done though now. You spoke your peace, albeit impulsively and not as constructively as you hoped. Let him now wonder why you did what you did, and think about his mistakes. When you feel regret, remember the pain that brought you end it via these means. What do you do now? You mourn your relationship, you dust yourself off and you move on. And you date someone who treats you right in the future. And you don't settle for anything less. Good luck!

[spiritofjosh]

In my opinion if somebody is going to date you but not treat you as his girlfriend than breaking up via text isn't so bad. I feel like when a relationship ends because one of the people involved just drag their feet and don't act like they don't even care to be involved, then it shouldn't need a very involved breakup.

 

You deserve to be with somebody who will make you feel like the only one and special, not somebody who is just there for convenience.

[Chi townD]

It sounds like you're not upset about breaking up with him, just the WAY you broke up with him. You don't want him thinking less of you or hate you for how you ended things.

 

 

Bottomline, you ended things with him. It may not be the most ideal way to end it, but what's done is done. If you feel that he wasn't spending time with you and not being the ideal boyfriend, then it's time to move on. With most break ups, not everyone is going to walk away happy. Usually, someone always ends up getting hurt to some degree no matter how much you try to soften the blow.

[jennybrookes]

It sounds like you're not upset about breaking up with him, just the WAY you broke up with him. You don't want him thinking less of you or hate you for how you ended things.

 

 

Bottomline, you ended things with him. It may not be the most ideal way to end it, but what's done is done. If you feel that he wasn't spending time with you and not being the ideal boyfriend, then it's time to move on. With most break ups, not everyone is going to walk away happy. Usually, someone always ends up getting hurt to some degree no matter how much you try to soften the blow.

 

No, I am actually very upset about the fact we are not together any more and this is why I am upset way I broke up with him, because I care about him and don't want to hurt his feelings. I miss him so much and all I want to do is unblock his number and speak to him, but I know I can't.

[hunk]

Do regret the break up in the sense that you WANT HIM BACK? That's what isn't clear here - the OP looks like you're just upset about being mean when you dumped him. If you want him back you need to be very clear with him that you made an impulsive and knee-jerk reaction decision due to the way he was making you feel. Tell him you still care about him and want to talk to him. Swallow your pride and contact him.

 

I'm going to warn you though, his behavior is a huge red flag. He is behaving the way I did in my last relationship where I didn't love the girl. She was a convenience when I wanted company but was never a priority. I also did all the liking of the ex's instagram pics etc. If this guy was serious about you he wouldn't be doing this. Proceed with caution because i've been this guy and if it's like this after only 3 months, you don't want to know how bad it will get and how miserable you'll feel after 1+ year.

 

Good luck though, take what i've said with a grain of salt obviously.

[Chi townD]

No, I am actually very upset about the fact we are not together any more and this is why I am upset way I broke up with him, because I care about him and don't want to hurt his feelings. I miss him so much and all I want to do is unblock his number and speak to him, but I know I can't.

 

 

 

Okay, well. If you want him back (and don't take this the wrong way) but you're going to have to put your big girl pants on and talk to him. Don't text him or call him. Go see him, put the effort into seeing him personally. That would show him that your putting in the effort. When you talk to him, don't put the blame on him. You pulled the trigger on the relationship, not him. However, don't be a doormat to him either. I mean, liking a girls pic on instagram doesn't constitute cheating, it just means he likes that pic. Now, if it was bothering you, then you need to speak with him calmly and tell him how you felt about it. If he made you feel that you were second best in his life, then you need to ask him about it. CALMLY!! Then ask him if there's anything that YOU'RE doing that might be driving a wedge between the two of you and don't disagree with him, but work with him to find a happy median.

 

 

Now, unfortunately, you let your temper get the best of you and pulled the trigger on your relationship. You were in the driver's seat when you ended it. Now, he's in the driver's seat as far as where this relationship is going or even if you still have one. If you approach him and he doesn't want to work on things, then that's pretty much it. Not much you can do accept to move on. But, I strongly urge you to see him face to face.

[jennybrookes]

Okay, well. If you want him back (and don't take this the wrong way) but you're going to have to put your big girl pants on and talk to him. Don't text him or call him. Go see him, put the effort into seeing him personally. That would show him that your putting in the effort. When you talk to him, don't put the blame on him. You pulled the trigger on the relationship, not him. However, don't be a doormat to him either. I mean, liking a girls pic on instagram doesn't constitute cheating, it just means he likes that pic. Now, if it was bothering you, then you need to speak with him calmly and tell him how you felt about it. If he made you feel that you were second best in his life, then you need to ask him about it. CALMLY!! Then ask him if there's anything that YOU'RE doing that might be driving a wedge between the two of you and don't disagree with him, but work with him to find a happy median.

 

 

Now, unfortunately, you let your temper get the best of you and pulled the trigger on your relationship. You were in the driver's seat when you ended it. Now, he's in the driver's seat as far as where this relationship is going or even if you still have one. If you approach him and he doesn't want to work on things, then that's pretty much it. Not much you can do accept to move on. But, I strongly urge you to see him face to face.

 

I see your point, but I think I would be too embarrassed to do that. I don't think there is any way he would take me back after what I have said to him. I miss him so much but do not think the relationship is salvageable. There where a lot of things that he did that did not make me feel good about myself. I feel like I have become unhealthily dependent on him. Here is one of my other threads, regarding him.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/523232-my-ex-boyfriend-emotionally-abusive-towards-me

 

It might explain my irrational anger. Not saying that it is all just his fault, because it isn't. But I do not think there is any point in me reaching out to him again. I am just sad because I miss him a lot and feel bad for the way I ended things. I don't think it would be good for me to try and get him back, as much as I want to.

[Chi townD]

Okay, not to be an ass, but your confusion is confusing me!

 

 

I read your other thread and I really wouldn't call that emotional abuse. I would view it as him joking around with one of the guys. But, that's the problem here. You're not one of the guys. And maybe you didn't straighten him out on that fact. And if you did and he didn't listen, then that's on him.

 

 

Okay, even though he was an ass as at times, you're probably still remembering when he used to be a sweet guy. And that's what you're missing. But, you also remember the times he was a complete douche rocket and that's stopping you from wanting him back.

 

 

So, you ended it and ended it rather harshly. But at the end of the day, you ended with him. Therefore, it's time to move on. It's time to spend some time with yourself. Nothing wrong to be single for a while to rediscover yourself and make positive changes in your life. You need to fall in love with YOU again. Because if you can't love yourself, others will have a hard time loving you.

 

 

Maybe it's time to stand on your own two feet and find your own path. Are you going to miss the good times that you did have? Sure! That's normal and in time, you'll be able to embrace those memories and cherish them, but you also know that it wasn't meant to be. But, you'll be okay with that too!

[jennybrookes]

Okay, not to be an ass, but your confusion is confusing me!

 

 

I read your other thread and I really wouldn't call that emotional abuse. I would view it as him joking around with one of the guys. But, that's the problem here. You're not one of the guys. And maybe you didn't straighten him out on that fact. And if you did and he didn't listen, then that's on him.

 

 

Okay, even though he was an ass as at times, you're probably still remembering when he used to be a sweet guy. And that's what you're missing. But, you also remember the times he was a complete douche rocket and that's stopping you from wanting him back.

 

 

So, you ended it and ended it rather harshly. But at the end of the day, you ended with him. Therefore, it's time to move on. It's time to spend some time with yourself. Nothing wrong to be single for a while to rediscover yourself and make positive changes in your life. You need to fall in love with YOU again. Because if you can't love yourself, others will have a hard time loving you.

 

 

Maybe it's time to stand on your own two feet and find your own path. Are you going to miss the good times that you did have? Sure! That's normal and in time, you'll be able to embrace those memories and cherish them, but you also know that it wasn't meant to be. But, you'll be okay with that too!

 

True, I think I just need to move on and forget, no matter how hard it would be. I just feel very mean and unreasonable for the way I ended things. In regards to the emotional abuse thing, I'm too sure whether he was or not which is why I posted the thread. But he had a habit of scrutinizing everything I did and telling me I was rubbish at things, criticizing my appearance etc, acting distant one minute and needy the next. I only asked because I had been reading online and these were some of the signs:

 

Humiliating or embarrassing you.

Constant put-downs.

Hypercriticism.

Refusing to communicate.

Ignoring or excluding you

Provocative behavior with opposite sex.

Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.

Unreasonable jealousy.

Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.

Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”

Withdrawal of affection.

Making everything your fault.

 

I read that and it just kind of clicked with me is all!

[Chi townD]

Well, you dated him, so you would know more than me. If he fits that picture then okay. You were justified in ending it. I was only gleaning from what you wrote with my assessment. So, if he was a horrible boyfriend, the cut him loose. You deserve better.

 

 

But, he's probably beat you down with your self confidence and your self worth. So, you need to work on yourself to build those back up. I have a feeling that you're British because you use words like "rubbish" and they rarely use that here in the states. So, I have a feeling (and tell me if I'm wrong) that he was a "Lad" or to us a "bad boy". The problem with this is if the guy has a reputation for being a "bad boy" and plays the part of a "bad boy" then sooner or later logic is going to dictate that he will start treating you BADLY!

 

 

I would suggest that once you heal from this and your ready to start dating again. I strongly recommend that you find yourself a "nice guy". Yeah, they may seem bland and boring on the outside. They may not seem too exciting. But, that's what you're only seeing on the outside and if you give them a chance, they might just blow you away on what they have to offer; what they bring to the table. They know how to be a gentleman and they know how to treat a girl right. They might not bend over to kiss your ass or put you on a pedestal. But, rather, view you as their equal. Their partner in life. Walking side by side and hand in hand. Don't you think you deserve that? Doesn't that sound a bit more inviting rather than a guy that will only give you the time of day when HE feels like it?

[jennybrookes]

Well, you dated him, so you would know more than me. If he fits that picture then okay. You were justified in ending it. I was only gleaning from what you wrote with my assessment. So, if he was a horrible boyfriend, the cut him loose. You deserve better.

 

 

But, he's probably beat you down with your self confidence and your self worth. So, you need to work on yourself to build those back up. I have a feeling that you're British because you use words like "rubbish" and they rarely use that here in the states. So, I have a feeling (and tell me if I'm wrong) that he was a "Lad" or to us a "bad boy". The problem with this is if the guy has a reputation for being a "bad boy" and plays the part of a "bad boy" then sooner or later logic is going to dictate that he will start treating you BADLY!

 

 

I would suggest that once you heal from this and your ready to start dating again. I strongly recommend that you find yourself a "nice guy". Yeah, they may seem bland and boring on the outside. They may not seem too exciting. But, that's what you're only seeing on the outside and if you give them a chance, they might just blow you away on what they have to offer; what they bring to the table. They know how to be a gentleman and they know how to treat a girl right. They might not bend over to kiss your ass or put you on a pedestal. But, rather, view you as their equal. Their partner in life. Walking side by side and hand in hand. Don't you think you deserve that? Doesn't that sound a bit more inviting rather than a guy that will only give you the time of day when HE feels like it?

 

Thank you for your words. I am still debating on whether sending him one more text apologizing for the way I broke up with him, even though I know he will not reply, or just stand my ground and keep him blocked? I just feel so guilty. My emotions are all over the place.

[Chi townD]

Thank you for your words. I am still debating on whether sending him one more text apologizing for the way I broke up with him, even though I know he will not reply, or just stand my ground and keep him blocked? I just feel so guilty. My emotions are all over the place.

 

No need to contact him especially if you know that he won't respond. If you feel guilty, then fine. Hold onto that guilt and learn from it or come to terms with it. If he really treated you the way that you listed, then you held your tongue for too long and he probably had it coming to him. But, here's the rub. He probably doesn't care. So, no need to waste your time. It will take away from your healing. If you sent him a message, you would probably have your phone glued to you waiting for a message that will probably never come because he just doesn't care.

 

 

Chalk it up to lessons learned and start making positive changes in your life. Tie to start doing things for YOU and no one else.

[Ruby65]

I would say to give yourself at least a month or two to get your head together.... then send him an apology.

 

Let the breakup take hold.

 

You can clean up your mess later, when you've moved on a bit.

[jennybrookes]

Thank you for your replies. I still feel the need to send the apology text anyway for peace of mind, even though I know it will not be the key for us getting back together, because I know that can never happen now. I just feel terrible for my words, regardless of what he has done to me. I just want to end it on a more mature note, even though he will most probably not care for my apology and it will give him all the control again, I think I am over that. I just want to be the bigger person, and not end what was great at times, on a very sour note.