kt959 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I first used this forum a few years ago when I first became involved with my ex. The pattern of horrible break ups and make ups continued until last week. I'm absolutely heartbroken and humiliated and shocked: we have been trying to blend our families (both of us have kids) and decided to find a house , talked of marriage and even decided to try for a baby next year. We have had counselling to blend the families the right way, stay on the same page with discipline and routine and make them all feel loved. He's been fantastic with my kids and I've tried to bond with his by baking and taking care of them. We had planned a nice easter weekend with my kids as his were away. He suddenly decided he didn't want to spend his kid free days with us, then decided he wanted to be alone because he missed his and being around mine would upset him, then I get a long text saying he never wants to live with me and I've been controlling. I replied quite badly and nasty as I was in shock at my future being ripped away. I tried over the weekend to contact him but no response. I've realised my failings as I've gone nuts about his ex controlling our lives (she's insane and Has been issued an harassment warning for her behaviour towards me). I've been desperate for him to have little contact with her as I do with my ex-only when essential. Anyway, I've struggled with knowing whether he is pushing me away as he's missing his kids as he does this periodically. He lies and says horrible things to upset me and push me away so he can be alone then comes back days later. I've always accepted him back. Please can someone explain why he behaves in this way? Is it actually over? I'm at a loss of what to do as I've invested so much time in this relationship. Thank you for reading.
Ruby65 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 First of all, whatever happens, I wouldn't agree that you've *thrown away* three years of your life. I don't really know what to say about the outcome of this relationship. He cheated on his wife with you, you were cheating on your boyfriend with him.... relationships that begin with cheating and lies don't usually end well. All the breakups and make-ups during the past three years don't bode well for the future, either. I'd predict more of the same if you do reconcile. It sounds like all three of you -- you, him and his ex-wife -- are all acting out very emotionally and impulsively. It's probably not so great for all the kids involved though, to have to live through all this unnecessary drama. Why not spend some time just focusing on yourself and your kids and creating a CALM and peaceful future for all of you? 2
Author kt959 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Thank you for replying Just wanted to say he was never married to her. I did wonder if posting here might yield different thoughts but you've pretty much said the same as my friends. Thanks again 2
Ruby65 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 If your friends are all urging you to focus on your kids -- then yeah, I agree with them. 1
Author kt959 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Prob more to not focus on a relationship with him. I'm very kid focussed anyway but they've made me feel so blessed that there are some amazing things in my life :-) 2
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