rose27 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I was in a relationship for about a year and you may see my other posts on this forum about the things we went through - it was painful and terribly difficult. We broke up in December after he accused me of cheating (I never did, he was extremely paranoid) and he decided to post it on social media. It was extremely humiliating for me, especially because I never did any of the things he accused me of. I stupidly decided to give him another chance after he came back into my life saying that he "changed" and because I was vulnerable, I couldn't help myself. That lasted another month or so before I started feeling like things weren't right, so by the end of February we broke up. We weren't fighting, but I felt uncomfortable in his prescence and I know that's a bad sign. He ended up abusing me over something really ridiculous but I feel like it was just all building up and it all happened for a reason. It was hard for me to let go because he called me names, said I was fat and that I would never be happy with anyone else - very manipulative I know, but it really affected me and almost completely damaged my self-esteem. After our break up, it was hard not to contact him whenever I felt angry and wanted to tell him off or if I didn't call him, he would call me or text me but it would always end in a fight. It has now been 3 weeks and we have not spoken - no texts, nothing. I do find myself checking his Facebook even though we aren't friends on there, just to see if he's adding any girls. It's becoming a little obsessive and I know it's not going to make any difference. It might just make me feel worse but I can't help myself. A friend has suggested that I should just chat to guys on dating sites but make it clear that I don't want anything serious right now. I've met a couple of nice guys and I've been completely honest about my situation and they are all very understanding, but I have been a bit concerned about chatting to guys because I don't know if it's too soon or if I should just focus on myself first. I think a part of me feels it's a little 'desperate' but I feel like it does help, event though I have an emotional attachment to my ex which I hope will dissipate over time. I am turning 29 this year so most of my friends have settled down, which means I don't get out as much and that doesn't help if I want to meet people. I would like honest opinions regarding getting back out there - it's really not easy and starting all over again is a bit intimidating. Any advice would be much appreciated!
BlackbirdSong Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Ummm, if that's really you in your picture, you'll have zero problem meeting guys. Just go outside and you'll be good. Lol. You're gorgeous. 1
loveweary11 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Do both. I had a terrible divorce. There's nothing worse than that. I found that interacting with new girls in a less than serious way, plus working on myself was the only solution that actually worked. In my case, I needed plenty of work on myself. I was lost. But, interacting with lots of girls kept life fun and also provided a little ego boost. 1
ApexTitanium Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Yeah....really just walk down the street and smile. You will probably cause a few car accidents when guys stare at you instead of the road in front of them haha. You'll do just fine. Trust me. 1
Itspointless Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Nothing wrong with meeting new people, but ask yourself why you want to meet new guys at this moment? Perhaps it is even a better idea to be alone for a while and just be happy with you. Or meet new people at some hobby-club or sportsteam? Ofcourse that is hard after a break-up, I understand. Unfortunately it sometimes is the best way to find some personal balance, especially as your ex had that unhealthy hold on you. Try to learn what you added in the mix so he could get that hold on you. Breaking with him was strong, keep on that path! 1
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Searching for a platonic friend on line seems counterintuitive. Those sites are for people who want romance. Instead, get involved in something. Find a group that does something you are passionate about. Volunteer somewhere. Take up a hobby. You need to direct your energy. 1
BlackbirdSong Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You can talk to me online if you want to talk to guys. Lol 2
Author rose27 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Thanks for the advice and flattering posts haha. I've realised the whole dating thing is way too much for me right now but I've been keeping busy doing things that I love, so hopefully I can make some good friends and keep my mind off things!
Lokin4AReason Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 if you just got out of a relationship ( some worse than others ), you just need to cope w/ the ordeal that came out of that situation ( because you don't want to bring that into the next relationship ) give it time to yourself and heal ... enjoy the time off and do at whatever you enjoy w/ being you =0) again IMO
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