maxposte Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 When should I ask if he will relocate? When and how should I ask if he would consider relocating with me? Here are the facts: -been together a year -both in late 20s -decided to wait at least another year to live together (though I think we both kind of wanted to... Or at least seriously considered) -he has been talking about lookin for new jobs -I am planning to apply to grad school/looking for career both locally and elsewhere, but am at the beginning of the process-so have very little info. -he knows about my plans and has been great at listening, but not eager to ask/get very involved with my search -he has mentioned possibly wanting to move (casually and in a general way) in the past -we recently talked about how happy we were with the slow but definite progress of our relationship-I think we are both serious about being together, but reluctant to discuss future -his last relationship ended after he had moved to be with his girlfriend and she left him - I don't plan on leaving for at least another year -part of me wants to consider him as I start applying, part of me wants to wait to see if I even get in so that I am not making him a HUGE part of my decision -if he says he won't move, do I end things now or just wait and see? I am afraid I won't be able to stay with him knowing it might just end OR I'm afraid I might consider him too heavily in where I apply? -I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what he will say... There have been no clues. Is think he may be scared to bring it up or think it's too soon to discuss.
Redhead14 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 When should I ask if he will relocate? When and how should I ask if he would consider relocating with me? Here are the facts: -been together a year -both in late 20s -decided to wait at least another year to live together (though I think we both kind of wanted to... Or at least seriously considered) -he has been talking about lookin for new jobs -I am planning to apply to grad school/looking for career both locally and elsewhere, but am at the beginning of the process-so have very little info. -he knows about my plans and has been great at listening, but not eager to ask/get very involved with my search -he has mentioned possibly wanting to move (casually and in a general way) in the past -we recently talked about how happy we were with the slow but definite progress of our relationship-I think we are both serious about being together, but reluctant to discuss future -his last relationship ended after he had moved to be with his girlfriend and she left him - I don't plan on leaving for at least another year -part of me wants to consider him as I start applying, part of me wants to wait to see if I even get in so that I am not making him a HUGE part of my decision -if he says he won't move, do I end things now or just wait and see? I am afraid I won't be able to stay with him knowing it might just end OR I'm afraid I might consider him too heavily in where I apply? -I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what he will say... There have been no clues. Is think he may be scared to bring it up or think it's too soon to discuss. You don't ask him to do anything. You tell him what the plans are and say I'd love it if it could work out for us both and let him put in the effort. I would just bring up a very casual conversation about what you are planning for yourself. The fact that he hasn't shown any interest in being involved with those plans, shouldn't hold you back. In fact, it should push you forward to them. And, he may simply be thinking that's is so far away from a decision that he doesn't need to be involved yet. Gather all the information and paperwork. Nail some things down. Then, explain what you are considering and that you are moving forward with those plans and don't ask him to do anything. Let him see that you are moving ahead with your life. If he wants to be part of it, he will get involved. If he doesn't do that, it's likely the relationship wouldn't last anyway given all the plans you each have. You've said he's thinking about looking for a job. If he knows you are moving forward with your plans, he will at least explore job options in the area where you'd be going and has a year to work on it. Move your plans forward. He will follow if he really wants to. When you tell him you are moving forward. He will tell you he will investigate moving with you or tell you he won't do it. If he tells you he won't do it, the decision about whether to stay with him will likely be a little easier to make. Still difficult, but . . . if you know he doesn't want to make that effort, do you really want to stay with someone who isn't as invested in the relationship?
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You have only been together a year. You are not married. Your plans are hardly firm. For now you say nothing. You keep looking for a grad school / job. If and when you get one, you decide alone & independently whether those opportunities are right for you. If you decide to go in a particular direction, you do that. If at that point you invite him that's up to you. But for now, you keep your mouth shut on the subject. It's too early & too indefinite.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 It sounds like you both could potentially have a lot of life changing events coming up, grad school, new jobs, moving. Don't rush things when there are so many life changes happening at once.
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