King Bowls Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Recently it seems like I've been running friends off, mostly by unintentionally weirding them out or annoying them it seems My great problem is that I text (this was all done through texting) off impulse. I may say something that I get a rise out of because of the moment, and then when I finally calm down, I think to myself "what the hell was I thinking?" The one that bothers me most is that today I texted my ex-friend's dad, the one who've I've posted about on here many times before. First off, ill say we have a history of me annoying him via text messaging back in 2008 when we first met, we would get into 2 hour text message frenzies over stupid stuff. More recently, over the last couple of years, our text conversations have been much more brief with much less humor Anyway, I texted him earlier and asked if a certain commute would be ridiculous (I sent that text on impulse, and right after I sent it I wanted to beat myself up, because today's Easter and he doesn't want to see that on Easter) He responded, saying only "No" Now I feel like I'm not going to be taken seriously anymore by him, and that he'll consider me a weirdo. Is there any realistic solution to this? My only idea is to not text him or communicate with him for a VERY long time (like 1 or 2 years) Any advice would be greatly appreciated
writergal Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I don't think you have to stop communication with your friend(s) for 1 to 2 years. Just stop texting them, and use the phone and call them instead. 1
spiderowl Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) It's hard to make any recommendations because we have no idea of the kind of texts you send or the responses you get. From what you say, it sounds as if you bring things to their attention that seem inappropriate for the time or the way they might be feeling. For example, if they are in a holiday mood and you text about commuting to someone, that would be a bit dispiriting for the recipient but not weird. It sounds like you need to: - learn how control the impulse to text on the spur of the moment until you've had chance to reflect on what you want to say and if it is appropriate - think about whether the text you are sending would be welcome (i.e. would you like to receive such a text?) Thinking further though, it does sound as if you either don't know what is appropriate or are into a pattern of seeking attention by provocation. If you want to make friends and keep family and other contacts on your side, winding them up is going to do the opposite. It's a bit like the naughty kid who pushes another kid of the bench because he/she's bored and wants some attention. Is that the kind of attention you want? What are you really hoping to get from your friends by doing this? You need to learn a more positive, happy way of getting attention from people. Also, maybe you need to think about why you need this attention. Are you neglected compared with others do you think? People will sense when you are trying to provoke them and back off. It could turn into a downward spiral. It sounds to me like you are aware of this and that's an excellent start to learning how to make things better. Please consider seeing a therapist to help you work through your feelings and actions when interacting with people. Edited April 6, 2015 by spiderowl 2
gaius Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You just kind of have to move things along when the opportunity presents itself or people start to get bored. Like if he's busy in a texting frenzy with you for 2 hours that probably means you could of moved it along to flirting or some sort of in person activity, but you just kind of let it stay there and it got stale. I'd either try leaving it alone for a while or at the very least switching it up. 1
Author King Bowls Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 It's hard to make any recommendations because we have no idea of the kind of texts you send or the responses you get. From what you say, it sounds as if you bring things to their attention that seem inappropriate for the time or the way they might be feeling. For example, if they are in a holiday mood and you text about commuting to someone, that would be a bit dispiriting for the recipient but not weird. It sounds like you need to: - learn how control the impulse to text on the spur of the moment until you've had chance to reflect on what you want to say and if it is appropriate - think about whether the text you are sending would be welcome (i.e. would you like to receive such a text?) Thinking further though, it does sound as if you either don't know what is appropriate or are into a pattern of seeking attention by provocation. If you want to make friends and keep family and other contacts on your side, winding them up is going to do the opposite. It's a bit like the naughty kid who pushes another kid of the bench because he/she's bored and wants some attention. Is that the kind of attention you want? What are you really hoping to get from your friends by doing this? You need to learn a more positive, happy way of getting attention from people. Also, maybe you need to think about why you need this attention. Are you neglected compared with others do you think? People will sense when you are trying to provoke them and back off. It could turn into a downward spiral. It sounds to me like you are aware of this and that's an excellent start to learning how to make things better. Please consider seeing a therapist to help you work through your feelings and actions when interacting with people. I think you hit the nail on the head. I want attention my friends dad. I've always liked being around him. He's the one who whenever he came over to my house with his kids (who were at the time my friends) to pick me up to go to their house for the weekend, I would always "go dumb" and drop everything I'm doing to talk to him. Almost like if you're around a girl, you suddenly could care less what you have going on or what you have to do, and you also lose common sense
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