ascendotum Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Of course I don't want to dupe anyone, but if I cut off the FWB before we have sex, and then its terrible or doesn't work out, I'm kinda screwed. Yep. that's why I bet quite a few people will overlap them. It will be rationalized as being okay, until they are in an official relationship at which point it would be considered cheating. For those who have no trouble attracting options for nsa or relationships they could drop the fwb easy enough and pick up where they left off a bit later if they wanted or call someone else from their little black book.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Yep. that's why I bet quite a few people will overlap them. It will be rationalized as being okay, until they are in an official relationship at which point it would be considered cheating. For those who have no trouble attracting options for nsa or relationships they could drop the fwb easy enough and pick up where they left off a bit later if they wanted or call someone else from their little black book. Such an ethical dilemma... Lol =/
kissmybooty Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You can decide after that 1 time though right ? It's not like you are seeing your fwb every day or every weekend. Keep it random so there's not really an expectation as to when the next "date" is...
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) With my FWB's, the understanding was that we were only having sex with each other. But we were both free to date others. Then when either one of us met someone else to have sex with, the sex with the FWB stopped. I would recommend keeping it from women you meet to start dating because it's none of their business. Just make sure that you end sex with the FWB, if you get serious with someone else. But you never know. Since you had a crush on this chick for awhile, maybe it could turn into something. Anything's possible. But I feel you dude. All three of my FWB's were amazing lovers. I think it was so uninhibited because there were no heavy emotions weighing it down. Edited April 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Natalie8 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I think that very few girls can deal with the whole fwb scenario, most would be hoping for things to develop into more...so hurting themselves in the process. Also, i would feel very offended if a guy told me that he thinks im not good enough to date but good enough to ***k. (But maybe im too sensitive and had a bad experience where i guy i had feelings for offered a fwb set-up, i declined and later on i found out that the same day he had this conversation with me he introduced this other lady to his family. I had a go at him and he said him and this other girl were not official so he wasnt doing anything wrong. ) I wouldnt be happy for a guy im dating to have a fwb on the side but i imagine most guys wouldnt tell me, and i cant even say its cheating, but i still wouldnt like the idea. Its great that you would want to be fair to everyone, i must add that
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Saying you're looking for a committed relationship right now when you are just not with this girl is lying. If you want a FWB without drama be f*ing straightforward. Say exactly what you mean. Dishonesty is not cool and it does not preserve emotions. It preserves your own want. Eww. and just asking for huge amounts of drama to explode in your face
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You don't have to tell girls you are dating you have a FWB unless you intend to continue once sex is in the picture. Once you're having sex you have to be honest about number of other current partners, exclusive or not. You do have to tell her you've slept with someone since your last STI screening when that pre sex convo comes up. And always use protection with the FWB and for at least the first 3 months with someone new (herpes, hiv, etc take 3 months to show up on blood work after acquiring.)
central Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You don't have to be specific about being FWB, or spell it out. You do need to at least establish that it's casual and non-exclusive sometime in the near future, and if she's okay with that, you're fine. You are already friends - the benefits may come and go. Eventually, if they stop, you will need to establish a more specific agreement to resume benefits, unless it seems you are both on the same page about it, such as when you both discuss other dates with each other. As long as you're not exclusive with your FWB, then it's fine to date other people. It's also fine to have (protected) sex to decide if you're sexually compatible before deciding if you may want to become exclusive with someone else. If you become exclusive, you end things with the FWB (if you haven't already). It is not a good idea (and probably unethical) - IMO - to continue having sex with both unless both are aware of this and accept the arrangement. 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) With my FWB's, the understanding was that we were only having sex with each other. But we were both free to date others. Then when either one of us met someone else to have sex with, the sex with the FWB stopped. I would recommend keeping it from women you meet to start dating because it's none of their business. Just make sure that you end sex with the FWB, if you get serious with someone else. But you never know. Since you had a crush on this chick for awhile, maybe it could turn into something. Anything's possible. But I feel you dude. All three of my FWB's were amazing lovers. I think it was so uninhibited because there were no heavy emotions weighing it down. That what I was thinking. Great minds Saying you're looking for a committed relationship right now when you are just not with this girl is lying. If you want a FWB without drama be f*ing straightforward. Say exactly what you mean. Dishonesty is not cool and it does not preserve emotions. It preserves your own want. Eww. and just asking for huge amounts of drama to explode in your face No, I get it. I used to have a huge crush on this girl and would have dated her, but she's got a lot of problems that I don't want to have to fix. I'm not trying to deceive anyone here, I want to make sure that we're on the same page, but want to go about asking in a way that isn't so crass. Edited April 6, 2015 by barcode88
TouchedByViolet Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 That what I was thinking. Great minds No, I get it. I used to have a huge crush on this girl and would have dated her, but she's got a lot of problems that I don't want to have to fix. I'm not trying to deceive anyone here, I want to make sure that we're on the same page, but want to go about asking in a way that isn't so crass. First of all, it's not about asking.... you tell her you are not looking for anything serious, you just want fun. If she is into that her response will let you know. Man up and set the tone of the relationship. Easy. Additionally, most women I know personally are having sex with someone. They might have a fwb or hooking up with an ex while still dating others. Very common. 2
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 First of all, it's not about asking.... you tell her you are not looking for anything serious, you just want fun. If she is into that her response will let you know. Man up and set the tone of the relationship. Easy. Additionally, most women I know personally are having sex with someone. They might have a fwb or hooking up with an ex while still dating others. Very common. Yeah I know it's common contrary to what Women make you think. I didn't mean "asking" her in the traditional sense, but letting her know that I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm about 80% sure she's onboard based on signals so far, but I'll make sure I get it out in the open so there's no misconceptions. I'll bring it up next time I see her.
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Yeah I know it's common contrary to what Women make you think. I didn't mean "asking" her in the traditional sense, but letting her know that I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm about 80% sure she's onboard based on signals so far, but I'll make sure I get it out in the open so there's no misconceptions. I'll bring it up next time I see her. You have to be specific you do not see a relationship with her, and only want casual with her. If you're stil dating others with intent of more, careful to be clear about that. Otherwise it is ripe for misunderstanding and hurt emotions down the road and the idea it might be something. Complete honesty is the best path for avoiding drama if it comes to this sort of thing.
soyou Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I've been in FWB relationships pretty often in the past two years. The code for saying "I like you, we have a great time, great sexual chemistry but I dont want to develop anything further with you" is: I'm not ready to be in a commited relationship at this moment because I still want to travel/ explore the world more/ I want to build a solid careeer/ I want to experience different and crazy things in life before I settle. 5 out of 5 guys I've had FBW with were using the similar speech. I got it immediately. The guys were clear and unfront so it was really totally up to me to either continue or stop. With some guys, I decided to continue with the FWB arrangements and some I didnt. Like everyone else already said FWB will always lead to emotional attachments from one of the parties so be aware!! 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 You have to be specific you do not see a relationship with her, and only want casual with her. If you're stil dating others with intent of more, careful to be clear about that. Otherwise it is ripe for misunderstanding and hurt emotions down the road and the idea it might be something. Complete honesty is the best path for avoiding drama if it comes to this sort of thing. I'll make it clear that I really like her as a friend, and enjoy spending time with her, but don't want a relationship with her. I'll polish up whatever I'm going to say to sound a bit more tactful though.
elaine567 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Also if I date other people while having a FWB, is that generally regarded as being acceptable? (As long as I stop the FWB before I have sex with someone else). I haven't read all the thread, but as this is someone you know, then you may have to consider that she really likes you, she may have for some time and this was an opportunity to make her play for you. YOU may see her as a FWB, but she may be besotted with you. You have to consider that. Using her as a FWB would be very unfair. Dating other people AND using her as a FWB would then be downright cruel to her. 1
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I'll make it clear that I really like her as a friend, and enjoy spending time with her, but don't want a relationship with her. I'll polish up whatever I'm going to say to sound a bit more tactful though. That's good. If there's no chance, just don't give her the "right now" or sense it's where you are at in interest of polishing it. She can choose to do it or not only if she has full honesty, otherwise it is lying and taking advantage. No "code" no matter how obvious you think it is. Glad you are going to be honest it's too rare a quality it seems. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Barcode....I like the fact that you want to be as respectful and considerate about your FWB situation as possible; a lot of guys wouldn't care about whose feelings they hurt nor would they care about disrespecting any of the women they're screwing. I also respect the fact that you're the kind of guy who will end the FWB situation you're in with anyone once you enter into an exclusive relationship with a woman you're into and care about. That being said, I think you should tell your female friend straight up what your intentions are with her, but do so in a way that is tactful, respectful and considerate of her feelings - which COULD BE more than what you're feeling for her at this time. . 1
elaine567 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I'll make it clear that I really like her as a friend, and enjoy spending time with her, but don't want a relationship with her. I'll polish up whatever I'm going to say to sound a bit more tactful though. Be prepared for her giving you the cold shoulder too. She may be totally relaxed if this was just sex, but if she really wanted more then she may feel a bit used/embarrassed. If you do sense some feeling for you there, then I think it is best you pass on the FWB idea, she will just get more and more attached. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Ok so long story short, I have a friend who's the same age as me and we used to be co-workers at my old job a few years ago (she actually knew my Ex too). Anyways, she recently broke up with her boyfriend 1.5 months ago and recently we've spent a lot of time talking with each other. She has always been really cute and I've had a crush on her for a while, but we were out of touch until recently. So anyways, last week I asked if she wanted to get drinks together, and she said yes. Friday night I go and pick her up and we go to a decent place near my house and we grabbed some light food (apps) and drinks. We mostly just chatted about what we've been doing since we both left the place we worked at, and talking **** about our exes. Anyways after we've had a few drinks, the conversation started to get flirty in nature between both of us. When we left I asked her if she wanted to come over to my new place, and she agreed. When we got back I showed her around, and she asked if I wanted to smoke weed with her (We used to smoke weed together occasionally back when I smoked more) and I was like hell why not lol, so we went out back and smoked a bowl. Anyways afterwards we came inside and we were sitting down close to each other and chatting, and there was some sexual tension. One thing led to another - Ended up going up to my room and had some of the best sex I've ever had (and its been a while at that). Afterwards we cuddled for a while then went to sleep. The next morning she had to go so I called her a cab and sent her on her way. I did text her later saying it was good to see her again, and I had a good time, didn't hear back from her until this morning but she said she had a really good time and wanted to see me again. Now this is where it gets tricky. I'm not sure what she expects, I like her a lot as a friend, but she has a lot of issues and I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship with her. That being said I felt like we had really good sexual chemistry and I wouldn't mind having a FWB arrangement. How do I ask her if she's open to this? I'm guessing she might already be but I'm not positive... Should I clear this up before I see her again? Also if I date other people while having a FWB, is that generally regarded as being acceptable? (As long as I stop the FWB before I have sex with someone else). Thanks in advance for helping me navigate through the moral grey areas that I'm currently neck deep in. On a slightly embarrassing note she gave me a really big ****ing hickey and I had to buy foundation (roommate's idea) to cover it up for the family easter get-togethers I had to go to today -_- lol. Got **** for it from my Brother's girlfriend who still noticed (it did help though). ****ing hell. I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship with her. The first thing you need to do is get clear in your head about what you want Period. Either you want to pursue a real relationship with her or you don't. And, you need to find out what she wants for herself in the long run with someone. Don't just enter into a FWB with her because you're not sure you want a relationship. What happens if she goes along with an FWB arrangement and you start having deeper feelings? Or vice versa. The second thing is you can have an FWB relationship with someone yet date others and yes, you would need to end the FWB before you become intimate with a new dating partner if you've decided to pursue a "committed relationship" with them. But, this is something that needs to be clear between you and the other person in the FWB scenario. You both agree that the other can date other people. It's all about communication and being on the same page.
Gary S Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I've never had any half-baked relationships, nor a one night stand, never cheated, nor would I ever. It's empty and lack-luster. I have to have romance and affection included with the deal. I want to go on dates with my girlfriend/wife, and hear about her day. I want to make fun memories along the way. Nice women in love are fun, women in love do it better. I won't settle for anything less. I'd rather be single. And yes, this is coming from a man. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 You have to be specific you do not see a relationship with her, and only want casual with her. If you're stil dating others with intent of more, careful to be clear about that. Otherwise it is ripe for misunderstanding and hurt emotions down the road and the idea it might be something. Complete honesty is the best path for avoiding drama if it comes to this sort of thing. Here's the problem though. You can be completely honest with women upfront, and they STILL think that they can eventually change your mind. Going into all three of my FWB's, I was completely honest. "This is just about sex for me since I just got out of a relationship, and I'll never want anything serious with you." They said they understood, and 2-3 months in they told me they had feelings and wanted a relationship. So I ended it in each case as soon as that happened.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Barcode....I like the fact that you want to be as respectful and considerate about your FWB situation as possible; a lot of guys wouldn't care about whose feelings they hurt nor would they care about disrespecting any of the women they're screwing. I also respect the fact that you're the kind of guy who will end the FWB situation you're in with anyone once you enter into an exclusive relationship with a woman you're into and care about. That being said, I think you should tell your female friend straight up what your intentions are with her, but do so in a way that is tactful, respectful and considerate of her feelings - which COULD BE more than what you're feeling for her at this time. . You have such an eloquent way of putting things in all of your posts Thanks for the advice. 1
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Here's the problem though. You can be completely honest with women upfront, and they STILL think that they can eventually change your mind. Going into all three of my FWB's, I was completely honest. "This is just about sex for me since I just got out of a relationship, and I'll never want anything serious with you." They said they understood, and 2-3 months in they told me they had feelings and wanted a relationship. So I ended it in each case as soon as that happened. People. The "since I just got out of a relationship" is tricky though. That's why its best not to give excuses. The problem wasn't that you were fresh out of a relationship, it's that you didn't want a relationship with them. And being honest at least gives you moral high ground. They can't really hate you for it, and that will help mitigate drama in the ending even if they do fall much better than "I'm not ready" or something that implies you're a poor wounded bird who might be fixed if you saw how incredible they are and had time to recover.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 People. The "since I just got out of a relationship" is tricky though. That's why its best not to give excuses. The problem wasn't that you were fresh out of a relationship, it's that you didn't want a relationship with them. No actually that was the case and I was dead serious. That's why I said it. Each FWB situation happened within a month of me breaking up with someone. So I wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship with ANYONE regardless of who they were. It really was just about dealing with sex withdrawl post break up for me. Nothing more.
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 No actually that was the case and I was dead serious. That's why I said it. Each FWB situation happened within a month of me breaking up with someone. So I wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship with ANYONE regardless of who they were. It really was just about dealing with sex withdrawl post break up for me. Nothing more. That is why they thought there was a chance down the line though, because you described it as circumstantial and not about the idea of you two together.
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