Is he lying about having cancer?

[GemmaUK]

Primary liver cancer isn't a common cancer but it can happen, it's not only ever a secondary cancer.

It also is possible to drink whilst you have liver cancer. It is actually one of the cancers that is often diagnosed at a late stage so a person can drink for a long period of time whilst having it.

 

 

I would be looking back over the RS to get more of an idea about whether he is lying or not. You say he used to exaggerate but was he actually manipulative and a liar?

Look back at total basics if you are unsure. If he is lying about this and attempting to manipulate one of the most easy to spot traits which runs through that kind of person pretty much 100^ of the time is a lack of taking any responsibility for things.

 

 

If you do contact his Mum I would contact her in the context of asking if she wouldn't mind keeping you in the loop or minding if you call her occasionally to find out from her how he is. I would also call her, not text or write to her but call her.

 

 

You will soon enough know whether he is telling the truth.

[Erised]

You could just send your condolences to his mother and tell her how sorry you are that her son is going through cancer like she did and that you wish them both the best and to let you know if there's anything you can do to help.

 

p.

 

 

Best response. This will sort things quickly and discourage him from doing it again if he doesn't have cancer, especially if she really did.

[Sweetiepie1111]

The thing is I messaged her before and she didn't like it, it was about something else. It was just asking her a simple question nothing offensive, I find her a bit odd.

I have asked my ex about his treatment and he says he gets 20 mins of radiotherapy mon-fri. But I kept asking more and he asked why I wanted to know so much.

In the past he tried to make me jealous by saying that a girls though he was hot and things, but I know it was just to get a reaction from me.

 

But why would he not want me to say "I love you" or for him to say that?

[Gaeta]

If this man cannot give details of his condition it's because he doesn't have cancer. Most stomach cancer are operated on. People getting Radiotherapy usually also have a cancer mass removed first. If he really had cancer I would expect him to be aware of his condition from A to Z. Also, if the cancer had spread to the liver and pancreas, which means his cancer is aggressive, he would be getting chemotherapy. I have a family member dying of pancreatic cancer right now. He is only skin and bone, unrecognizable.

[Leigh 87]

I toldy boyfriend how disgusted I felt about this.

 

He actually thought it was hilarious that a man has to lie to the extent of feigning terminal cancer, JUST to get laid.......

 

 

It's desperate to the point of being bizarre that a man would fake an illness in order to get sympathy sex but, I can't see any humour in it!!

[Sweetiepie1111]

Yes it disgusts me too if he is lying. My gran past away with pancreatic cancer and he knows that.

All I know is that he had an MRI scan when we were together to see why he was getting pain in his liver and being sick all the time. When we were together there were times that he looked awful though, like there was something going on I kept telling him to keep going back to the drs. As he was always getting viruses and the flu constant. It was him that broke up with me due to reasons with arguing and long distance.

He did tell be they found a tumour in his liver and they were going to operate to try and remove it. He then sort of cut me out his life for a bit and I tried to just move on. But for some reason I felt the need to contact him 2 months ago and he said that the operation went ok they removed a tumour but there was another one growing fast and in to his bile duct and pancreas and they offered him an operation but he said that they said it would be risky. He then got told it was terminal and it had spread to his stomach. They apparently sent him a letter saying that he would be getting no more surgery due to it being a waste of time as it is terminal, would they say that?

Then he had the option of having chemo and then radiotherapy or radiotherapy. He said he chose the radiotherapy coz there were more side effects to chemo and it would just prolong his life a little.

Now I don't know if this is all true if you do get an option or anything?

I was very young when my gran died so I don't remember anything.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Yes it disgusts me too if he is lying. My gran past away with pancreatic cancer and he knows that.

All I know is that he had an MRI scan when we were together to see why he was getting pain in his liver and being sick all the time. When we were together there were times that he looked awful though, like there was something going on I kept telling him to keep going back to the drs. As he was always getting viruses and the flu constant. It was him that broke up with me due to reasons with arguing and long distance.

He did tell be they found a tumour in his liver and they were going to operate to try and remove it. He then sort of cut me out his life for a bit and I tried to just move on. But for some reason I felt the need to contact him 2 months ago and he said that the operation went ok they removed a tumour but there was another one growing fast and in to his bile duct and pancreas and they offered him an operation but he said that they said it would be risky. He then got told it was terminal and it had spread to his stomach. They apparently sent him a letter saying that he would be getting no more surgery due to it being a waste of time as it is terminal, would they say that?

Then he had the option of having chemo and then radiotherapy or radiotherapy. He said he chose the radiotherapy coz there were more side effects to chemo and it would just prolong his life a little.

Now I don't know if this is all true if you do get an option or anything?

I was very young when my gran died so I don't remember anything.

 

Ok, well if he had an MRI for pain in liver, and they found a tumor (which CAN be cancer FYI) that's a probable cause....

 

I've never heard of them giving up on someone just because they're terminal... Granted my Grandad passed away from Pancreatic cancer and it's pretty much a death sentence.

 

Why don't you clear this up with him/his mother and get back to us? There's no point sitting here speculating if he's lying or not when you can just find out.

[writergal]

Agreed. Speculating here isn't going to determine if he's lying or telling you the truth OP. Ask for dr.s letters, ask his mum, ask his father, brother or sister. Ask someone who knows him. I think this isn't going to end well for you either way, since he is your ex. Nobody who has cancer would have the energy to get laid if they were doing radiotherapy every day for 20 minutes. That seems really bizarre and far fetched to me that he'd lie to you that he has a terminal illness to get laid by his ex. Just bizarre.

[ASG]

Er... yeah, if there is too much cancer, doctors don't remove it. If you can't remove it all, you can't cure it. And there is such a thing as removing too much. Maybe that is the case and they wouldn't be able to take it out.

 

So they try other treatments. Like radiation.

 

But liver cancer tends to be discovered too late and it's mostly terminal. My friend's dad was diagnosed in March and died in August, a few years back. It was already stage 4 by the time they found it.

 

I get that you're suspicious, but I'd try to get the actual facts before writing it all off. Last thing you want is to find out he's dead and that you thought he was a liar...

[Redhead14]

Is he lying about cancer?

Hi, well this might be a little long..... Ok so me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 5 months, we were together for 2 years. Our relationship wasn't the best as we argued a lot due to myself suffering from depression and we lived further away from each other.

We both loved each other (well he said he did but not sure) I say that cause he didn't really show it very well he said it.

Anyway the issue is I found out 2 months ago he has terminal cancer, well I think he does. I'm questioning that he has it because he has a tendency to exaggerate and lie about things. There has never been really bad lies like cheating or things. It was liver cancer but it spread to his pancreas and stomach now. He says he's getting radiotherapy to prolong his life. But something is telling me he is telling me for attention. How can I tell?

He also wants to meet up with me for his birthday, why would he want to see me his ex girlfriend on his apparent last birthday? It's meant to be just a night of having great sex as we were good at that together. He says though he wants me to move on after. He says he doesn't want me to say "I love you" or or him to say it as he says it will hurt too much. I thought someone that was dying would try to say their feelings before they go? Please help as Iv been wrecking my brain for a while. Thanks

 

"He has a history of lying and exaggerating" and "but something is telling me he is telling me for attention" -- you have two reasons to be suspicious -- his history and your gut. Trust you gut. The way I see this is he is attempting to play on your sympathies in order to have sex Period and you will know the truth when he doesn't die in a year or so. You are his ex, remain that way. If you want to call him out on it -- ask him for medical records . . . he should have a file about 24" thick.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

"He has a history of lying and exaggerating" and "but something is telling me he is telling me for attention" -- you have two reasons to be suspicious -- his history and your gut. Trust you gut. The way I see this is he is attempting to play on your sympathies in order to have sex Period and you will know the truth when he doesn't die in a year or so. You are his ex, remain that way. If you want to call him out on it -- ask him for medical records . . . he should have a file about 24" thick.

 

I think when something life/death is involved, you'd want the truth.

 

Heck if it was my Ex and she died tomorrow, I'd probably still feel bad. Even though I had intense dislike for her, she was still a good person.

[maysj18]

Primary liver cancer is a very real diagnosis; however, most common areas of metastasis are not the pancreas or stomach. That doesn't mean he's lying; it could mean that he was misinformed. A lot of people think that if they have breast cancer that spread to the brain, they now have brain cancer. No, they have breast cancer that metastasized to the brain. Very different. The tumors are composed of cancerous cells that originated in the breast, not the brain. So, he may have pancreatic cancer with liver and stomach involvement as opposed to liver cancer with pancreatic and stomach involvement. Unfortunately, treatment options are grim and radiotherapy alone is usually just given to provide pain relief rather than prolong life.

 

Do not try to call his doctor, by the way. it's against the law for them to issue you ANY documentation or to even tell you that he's a patient. Don't go that route. There are so many things to ask him such as what cell type? What stage? Where did they take a biopsy? Ask to see a scar. Maybe even make up a name. Say you were researching liver cancer and wanted to know if he had the beta or alpha type? If he says either of them, he's lying because they don't exist. lol You just have to be super good at sounding like you know what you're talking about.

 

Trust me though- is he had a liver biopsy or any sort of biopsy actually, he would have a scar.

[pteromom]

How about just asking him to meet you for dinner or something, as FRIENDS? There, you can talk more about his cancer and prognosis and what he wants from you, and can get a better read on the whole situation.

 

If he is truly dying and wants to have some mind-blowing sex with you, I'd go for it...but you need more confirmation first.

 

If he isn't willing to even sit and talk with you, but wants you to come over and f*** him though, he's crazy. You can be a friend - even a friend with benefits - but you aren't a whore.

[Sweetiepie1111]

Ok I asked a few more questions, I asked him is he getting alpha or beta, he replied with the type he is getting is IMRT (Intensive modulated radiation therapy). Which he could have looked that up or known it from when his mum had the treatment. He also said he was getting annoyed with all the questions I'm asking as I'm giving him the 3rd degree as he put it. He said I'm the only one that is asking questions about it and he said it feels like I'm thinking he is lying.

I was about to ask his mum on Facebook as that's the only way I can get hold of her and I cant find her anymore on it.

 

So confused!!

[Methodical]

Tell him you are worried and would like to accompany him when he sees his oncologist because you care. How he responds will answer your question. If he can request a booty call, why can't you request to accompany him?

 

I have been in your position with a "friend" and it was all a BIG FAT LIE! If he's telling the truth, he shouldn't mind you going with him.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ok I asked a few more questions, I asked him is he getting alpha or beta, he replied with the type he is getting is IMRT (Intensive modulated radiation therapy). Which he could have looked that up or known it from when his mum had the treatment. He also said he was getting annoyed with all the questions I'm asking as I'm giving him the 3rd degree as he put it. He said I'm the only one that is asking questions about it and he said it feels like I'm thinking he is lying.

I was about to ask his mum on Facebook as that's the only way I can get hold of her and I cant find her anymore on it.

 

So confused!!

 

Well as long as you weren't super awkward about it, he shouldn't be getting defensive. That's surprising.

 

Just ask his Mom "Johnny told me he has ___ Cancer, I'm so sorry Let me know if there is anything I can do to help" or some generic ****.

 

If you get a reply saying he doesn't have cancer, well there you go.

[katiegrl]

"He has a history of lying and exaggerating" and "but something is telling me he is telling me for attention" -- you have two reasons to be suspicious -- his history and your gut. Trust you gut. The way I see this is he is attempting to play on your sympathies in order to have sex Period and you will know the truth when he doesn't die in a year or so. You are his ex, remain that way. If you want to call him out on it -- ask him for medical records . . . he should have a file about 24" thick.

 

^^This! And nuff said...

[katiegrl]

Ok I asked a few more questions, I asked him is he getting alpha or beta, he replied with the type he is getting is IMRT (Intensive modulated radiation therapy). Which he could have looked that up or known it from when his mum had the treatment. He also said he was getting annoyed with all the questions I'm asking as I'm giving him the 3rd degree as he put it. He said I'm the only one that is asking questions about it and he said it feels like I'm thinking he is lying.

I was about to ask his mum on Facebook as that's the only way I can get hold of her and I cant find her anymore on it.

 

So confused!!

 

"He said I'm the only one that is asking questions about it and he said it feels like I'm thinking he's lying."

 

^^BUSTED!

 

He's only thinking that because he IS lying! If he truly had cancer, he would be happy to answer your questions ...and it would NEVER even occur to him that you think he is lying.

 

It's his guilty conscience talking... because he IS lying. Or at least exaggerating.

[Redhead14]

Ok I asked a few more questions, I asked him is he getting alpha or beta, he replied with the type he is getting is IMRT (Intensive modulated radiation therapy). Which he could have looked that up or known it from when his mum had the treatment. He also said he was getting annoyed with all the questions I'm asking as I'm giving him the 3rd degree as he put it. He said I'm the only one that is asking questions about it and he said it feels like I'm thinking he is lying.

I was about to ask his mum on Facebook as that's the only way I can get hold of her and I cant find her anymore on it.

 

So confused!!

 

He said I'm the only one that is asking questions -- that's likely because you're the only one he's told . . .

[elaine567]

I think the main thing that is very suspicious here, is the night of mind blowing sex.

 

I am dying, can we meet up.

I am dying I would like to see you one last time

I am dying, can you come over?

I am dying I would really like to talk to you face to face.

 

All those scenarios could in fact lead to mind blowing sex, but

 

I am dying, lets have a night of great sex, and please just move on afterwards, just doesn't sound right to me, but I could be wrong.

[Mrlonelyone]

I think the main thing that is very suspicious here, is the night of mind blowing sex.

 

I am dying, can we meet up.

I am dying I would like to see you one last time

I am dying, can you come over?

I am dying I would really like to talk to you face to face.

 

All those scenarios could in fact lead to mind blowing sex, but

 

I am dying, lets have a night of great sex, and please just move on afterwards, just doesn't sound right to me, but I could be wrong.

 

If you know you are going to die in 6 months do you pursue a committed LTR in order to have some final pleasure in life? If she's unsure the OP should ask to see medical records. If she's willing to grant a dying (I presume) friend a final carnal wish what's the harm? If she's not willing then say no.

 

The man is in essence saying to the OP that he wants to spend his last intimate moment with her. He might as well have proposed.

[jen1447]

IMO, the concept of due process is all well and good, but it doesn't always apply well to all facets of life, least of all romance. If the only way OP can be 'sure' enough to take action one way or the other is to essentially get some sort of irrefutable statement of fact on the matter, that's too high a standard to be realistic.

 

Too many red flags here imo. Precedent, circumstance, suspicious behavior, etc. I'd bow out.

[maysj18]

Well, IMRT is rarely used by itself to treat pancreatic cancer. The only cases usually involve patients whose cancer failed to respond to conventional chemos OR recurred. Otherwise, patients receiving IMRT are also receiving chemotherapy of some type. It's a type of electron beam radiation so it used in palliative care sometimes, but I just can't imagine that being the ONLY treatment he's ever received?

[Sweetiepie1111]

Well I confronted him today that I wasn't sure that he was telling me the truth. His response was not obviously nice, got called an evil bitch and other things. I explained why I thought the way I did and he then told me that he "didn't love me, hasn't for a while" and said I was the one that apparently "lied all the time".

He also said that I was mental and I was "faking my depression".

It is like he hasn't got his own way and he is throwing his "toys out the pram". That is all I need to know he was talking sh*t. Now he is blocked and I will not be going to meet him ever. If he was telling the truth and he did die then I don't think I would feel bad coz he has made me so suspicious for a long time and my gut has rarely been wrong.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Well I confronted him today that I wasn't sure that he was telling me the truth. His response was not obviously nice, got called an evil bitch and other things. I explained why I thought the way I did and he then told me that he "didn't love me, hasn't for a while" and said I was the one that apparently "lied all the time".

He also said that I was mental and I was "faking my depression".

It is like he hasn't got his own way and he is throwing his "toys out the pram". That is all I need to know he was talking sh*t. Now he is blocked and I will not be going to meet him ever. If he was telling the truth and he did die then I don't think I would feel bad coz he has made me so suspicious for a long time and my gut has rarely been wrong.

 

Good for you. Honestly it sounds like he was lying if you ask me, and even if he isn't - You don't owe him a thing.