Is he lying about having cancer?

April 6, 2015

Is he lying about cancer?

Hi, well this might be a little long..... Ok so me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 5 months, we were together for 2 years. Our relationship wasn't the best as we argued a lot due to myself suffering from depression and we lived further away from each other.

We both loved each other (well he said he did but not sure) I say that cause he didn't really show it very well he said it.

Anyway the issue is I found out 2 months ago he has terminal cancer, well I think he does. I'm questioning that he has it because he has a tendency to exaggerate and lie about things. There has never been really bad lies like cheating or things. It was liver cancer but it spread to his pancreas and stomach now. He says he's getting radiotherapy to prolong his life. But something is telling me he is telling me for attention. How can I tell?

He also wants to meet up with me for his birthday, why would he want to see me his ex girlfriend on his apparent last birthday? It's meant to be just a night of having great sex as we were good at that together. He says though he wants me to move on after. He says he doesn't want me to say "I love you" or or him to say it as he says it will hurt too much. I thought someone that was dying would try to say their feelings before they go? Please help as Iv been wrecking my brain for a while. Thanks

April 6, 2015

It is terrible, but I did have an ex fake cancer once. He could tell we were about to break up, and he suddenly developed liver cancer. So of course I couldn't break up with him then - I felt so bad for him. But I figured it out by offering to go to his appointments with him. I offered to take time off work to go, and he accepted. Then I would be at work and he would text me saying he was at an appointment that he was able to schedule last minute. He kept this up for maybe a month. I never called him out on it but did end things. Two years later, he's still alive and still doesn't have cancer.

So to see if he's telling the truth, tell him you want to go to the next appointment. His reaction should give you a hint.

April 6, 2015

Is he lying about cancer?
Hi, well this might be a little long..... Ok so me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 5 months, we were together for 2 years. Our relationship wasn't the best as we argued a lot due to myself suffering from depression and we lived further away from each other.
We both loved each other (well he said he did but not sure) I say that cause he didn't really show it very well he said it.
Anyway the issue is I found out 2 months ago he has terminal cancer, well I think he does. I'm questioning that he has it because he has a tendency to exaggerate and lie about things. There has never been really bad lies like cheating or things. It was liver cancer but it spread to his pancreas and stomach now. He says he's getting radiotherapy to prolong his life. But something is telling me he is telling me for attention. How can I tell?
He also wants to meet up with me for his birthday, why would he want to see me his ex girlfriend on his apparent last birthday? It's meant to be just a night of having great sex as we were good at that together. He says though he wants me to move on after. He says he doesn't want me to say "I love you" or or him to say it as he says it will hurt too much. I thought someone that was dying would try to say their feelings before they go? Please help as Iv been wrecking my brain for a while. Thanks

Listen to your gut sweetie.

The part that has ME doubting his story is (1) he has a history of making shyt up, (2) that he wants to meet up for one more night of hot sex and then he wants you to move on, and (3) doesn't want you to say I love you as it will hurt him too much???

Personally, I think he is full of crap, but you know him better than I.

How about asking who his oncologist is..and gauge his reaction. Research pancreatic cancer on the internet, and ask him questions... gauge his reactions.

If he is lying, he will hem and haw and be uncomfortable answering your questions. Ask him in person so you can look at his body language.

April 6, 2015

If he's been diagnosed with terminal cancer and the last time you saw him was five months ago, he should look dramatically different. Cancer is ugly, and he'll likely have lost a bunch of weight and look very ill. If he looks no different than last time you saw him, chances are slim he has terminal cancer.

April 6, 2015

Sounds like the male version of, "I'm pregnant"!

April 6, 2015

If he's been diagnosed with terminal cancer and the last time you saw him was five months ago, he should look dramatically different. Cancer is ugly, and he'll likely have lost a bunch of weight and look very ill. If he looks no different than last time you saw him, chances are slim he has terminal cancer.

Not everyone with cancer looks ghastly. You really shouldn't generalize like that. My own father had cancer and if you didn't know that, you couldn't tell because his physical appearance never changed. He never lost weight, or lost his hair. His skin never changed color either. And he had cancer for 15 years yet managed to go to his job every day during that entire time, until he died from it.

Although people with cancer can lose their hair and sometimes gain weight or lose weight, it just depends on how they take care of themselves and what kind of treatment they receive and how often they receive that treatment.

I'm questioning that he has it because he has a tendency to exaggerate and lie about things. There has never been really bad lies like cheating or things. It was liver cancer but it spread to his pancreas and stomach now. He says he's getting radiotherapy to prolong his life. But something is telling me he is telling me for attention. How can I tell?

He is your ex-bf though. Why would he lie to you about having pancreatic cancer? There's a difference between exaggeration and outright pathologically lying. Did your ex-bf pathologically lie or just exaggerate?

I highly doubt that he's telling you for attention, although some people have lied about having cancer to get money and attention.

If your ex-bf is being treated with radiotherapy (radiation therapy) it's to shrink or control the spread of the cancer. And liver cancer doesn't spread to the pancreas, it's vice versa. It's common that pancreatic cancer will spread to the liver, stomach or nearby organs. Liver cancer isn't a primary cancer, it's a secondary cancer.

That means, the primary cancer started somewhere else and some cancer cells grew in the liver. I know this because a good friend of my dad's died from pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and lungs. In that case, the cancer did cause him to lose weight and did turn his skin a funny color and he was bedridden and barely ate anything. He died 8 months after his diagnosis.

He also wants to meet up with me for his birthday, why would he want to see me his ex girlfriend on his apparent last birthday? It's meant to be just a night of having great sex as we were good at that together. He says though he wants me to move on after. He says he doesn't want me to say "I love you" or or him to say it as he says it will hurt too much. I thought someone that was dying would try to say their feelings before they go? Please help as Iv been wrecking my brain for a while.

Is anyone else invited out on his birthday? Does he update you daily with his cancer symptoms? How do you know he wants you to come over and just have birthday sex with him? How old are you both? If you're both young and he's a reputed liar, then it is possible he made up the cancer diagnosis to get you back and have sex with you. But cancer is very serious, so the only way to verify it would be to ask his parents if it's true. If his parents say that yes, their son has cancer, then you know he is telling you the truth. If his parents deny it, then you know that he is lying to you. Why wouldn't you just ask his parents?

April 6, 2015

Not everyone with cancer looks ghastly. You really shouldn't generalize like that. My own father had cancer and if you didn't know that, you couldn't tell because his physical appearance never changed. He never lost weight, or lost his hair. His skin never changed color either. And he had cancer for 15 years yet managed to go to his job every day during that entire time, until he died from it.

Although people with cancer can lose their hair and sometimes gain weight or lose weight, it just depends on how they take care of themselves and what kind of treatment they receive and how often they receive that treatment.

He is your ex-bf though. Why would he lie to you about having pancreatic cancer? There's a difference between exaggeration and outright pathologically lying. Did your ex-bf pathologically lie or just exaggerate?

I highly doubt that he's telling you for attention, although some people have lied about having cancer to get money and attention.

If your ex-bf is being treated with radiotherapy (radiation therapy) it's to shrink or control the spread of the cancer. And liver cancer doesn't spread to the pancreas, it's vice versa. It's common that pancreatic cancer will spread to the liver, stomach or nearby organs. Liver cancer isn't a primary cancer, it's a secondary cancer.

That means, the primary cancer started somewhere else and some cancer cells grew in the liver. I know this because a good friend of my dad's died from pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and lungs. In that case, the cancer did cause him to lose weight and did turn his skin a funny color and he was bedridden and barely ate anything. He died 8 months after his diagnosis.

Is anyone else invited out on his birthday? Does he update you daily with his cancer symptoms? How do you know he wants you to come over and just have birthday sex with him? How old are you both? If you're both young and he's a reputed liar, then it is possible he made up the cancer diagnosis to get you back and have sex with you. But cancer is very serious, so the only way to verify it would be to ask his parents if it's true. If his parents say that yes, their son has cancer, then you know he is telling you the truth. If his parents deny it, then you know that he is lying to you. Why wouldn't you just ask his parents?

Oh god... Asking the parents is a genius idea Lol.

Let us know op.

April 6, 2015

Not everyone with cancer looks ghastly. You really shouldn't generalize like that. My own father had cancer and if you didn't know that, you couldn't tell because his physical appearance never changed. He never lost weight, or lost his hair. His skin never changed color either. And he had cancer for 15 years yet managed to go to his job every day during that entire time, until he died from it.

Although people with cancer can lose their hair and sometimes gain weight or lose weight, it just depends on how they take care of themselves and what kind of treatment they receive and how often they receive that treatment.

He is your ex-bf though. Why would he lie to you about having pancreatic cancer? There's a difference between exaggeration and outright pathologically lying. Did your ex-bf pathologically lie or just exaggerate?

I highly doubt that he's telling you for attention, although some people have lied about having cancer to get money and attention.

If your ex-bf is being treated with radiotherapy (radiation therapy) it's to shrink or control the spread of the cancer. And liver cancer doesn't spread to the pancreas, it's vice versa. It's common that pancreatic cancer will spread to the liver, stomach or nearby organs. Liver cancer isn't a primary cancer, it's a secondary cancer.

That means, the primary cancer started somewhere else and some cancer cells grew in the liver. I know this because a good friend of my dad's died from pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and lungs. In that case, the cancer did cause him to lose weight and did turn his skin a funny color and he was bedridden and barely ate anything. He died 8 months after his diagnosis.

Is anyone else invited out on his birthday? Does he update you daily with his cancer symptoms? How do you know he wants you to come over and just have birthday sex with him? How old are you both? If you're both young and he's a reputed liar, then it is possible he made up the cancer diagnosis to get you back and have sex with you. But cancer is very serious, so the only way to verify it would be to ask his parents if it's true. If his parents say that yes, their son has cancer, then you know he is telling you the truth. If his parents deny it, then you know that he is lying to you. Why wouldn't you just ask his parents?

There was a national news story awhile back about a guy who told his job, his parents, and his friends that he had terminal cancer.

Did it to garner sympathy.. of which he garnered oodles of!

So not sure asking parents would clarify anything..he could have told them too.

Why would he lie to the OP? To get some hot no strings sex for one night..and then he gets to walk away ... he even made sure to tell her not to say I love you...as it would hurt him too much.

Yeah right.. ::eye roll::

April 6, 2015

Oh god... Asking the parents is a genius idea Lol.

Let us know op.

Well then what do you suggest? He's not going to give her his oncologist's information, even if he is telling her the truth. I don't see why my suggestion to ask his parents is ridiculous. Mind explaining to me why my idea is dumb?

April 6, 2015

There was a national news story awhile back about a guy who told his job, his parents, and his friends that he had terminal cancer.

Did it to garner sympathy.. of which he garnered oodles of!

So not sure asking parents would clarify anything..he could have told them too.

Why would he lie to the OP? To get some hot no strings sex for one night..and then he gets to walk away ... he even made sure to tell her not to say I love you...as it would hurt him too much.

Yeah right.. ::eye roll::

Well someone other than the ex-bf has to know the truth. Like I said, he won't give up his oncologist's info to the OP...esp. if he is lying to get sex.

April 6, 2015

Well then what do you suggest? He's not going to give her his oncologist's information, even if he is telling her the truth. I don't see why my suggestion to ask his parents is ridiculous. Mind explaining to me why my idea is dumb?

No but if she asks questions about the cancer and his oncologist....she can gauge his reactions!

Spotting when someone is lying is very easy if you know what to look for and what questions to ask...

In any event OP... maybe just turn down his offer for one night of hot no strtings sex...and see what else he comes up with...

April 6, 2015

I had thought about asking his mum but I don't know her well enough to message her. Well the reason we were going to have sex was that we do have mind blowing sex. But there is just this feeling that I get that he isn't telling me the full truth or is lying completely. His mother had cancer last year and is recovering from it and I know that is true. It's just I got soooo upset when he told me about himself having cancer. There just was that guy feeling that something wasn't right. He sent me a pic recently of himself and he looks the exact same as when the last time I saw him.

April 6, 2015

I had thought about asking his mum but I don't know her well enough to message her. Well the reason we were going to have sex was that we do have mind blowing sex. But there is just this feeling that I get that he isn't telling me the full truth or is lying completely. His mother had cancer last year and is recovering from it and I know that is true. It's just I got soooo upset when he told me about himself having cancer. There just was that guy feeling that something wasn't right. He sent me a pic recently of himself and he looks the exact same as when the last time I saw him.

Ask his mom.

April 6, 2015

I had thought about asking his mum but I don't know her well enough to message her. Well the reason we were going to have sex was that we do have mind blowing sex. But there is just this feeling that I get that he isn't telling me the full truth or is lying completely. His mother had cancer last year and is recovering from it and I know that is true. It's just I got soooo upset when he told me about himself having cancer. There just was that guy feeling that something wasn't right. He sent me a pic recently of himself and he looks the exact same as when the last time I saw him.

Like I said earlier...follow your gut. It rarely let's us down!

Problem is..people often dismiss their gut feelings because they are not ready to face the reality of a situation.

Don't do that! Listen to it... it knows.

April 6, 2015

People like this are disgusting.

And to think there are people in agonising pain due to cancer. And he sees it as a way to get sex.

He's " sick" alright. In the head....

April 6, 2015

No but if she asks questions about the cancer and his oncologist....she can gauge his reactions!

Spotting when someone is lying is very easy if you know what to look for and what questions to ask...

In any event OP... maybe just turn down his offer for one night of hot no strtings sex...and see what else he comes up with...

That is true. I think the whole situation is strange, to be honest.

I had thought about asking his mum but I don't know her well enough to message her. Well the reason we were going to have sex was that we do have mind blowing sex. But there is just this feeling that I get that he isn't telling me the full truth or is lying completely. His mother had cancer last year and is recovering from it and I know that is true. It's just I got soooo upset when he told me about himself having cancer. There just was that guy feeling that something wasn't right. He sent me a pic recently of himself and he looks the exact same as when the last time I saw him.

Now I am confused. You don't know his mum well enough, but you know she has cancer how? How do you know that's true? Did your ex-bf tell you she had cancer? Did she tell you she had cancer?

Nevermind I was wrong with my suggestion to ask his mom. Just do yourself a favor and avoid your ex-bf completely. This whole situation sounds screwy.

Barcode and katie, now I share your cynicism.

April 6, 2015

That is true. I think the whole situation is strange, to be honest.

Now I am confused. You don't know his mum well enough, but you know she has cancer how? How do you know that's true? Did your ex-bf tell you she had cancer? Did she tell you she had cancer?

Nevermind I was wrong with my suggestion to ask his mom. Just do yourself a favor and avoid your ex-bf completely. This whole situation sounds screwy.

Barcode and katie, now I share your *cynicism*.

Is that what it is? And here I was thinking I was simply being a realist...

April 6, 2015

Is that what it is? And here I was thinking I was simply being a realist...

Yeah, that too!

April 6, 2015

Yes I agree the situation is stupid but it's my feelings he is playing with.

I know from Facebook that she had cancer she wrote something about it.

But I think he is just playing me for a fool and just wants no strings sex and that's all. Another thing is that he got drunk one night and told me he "really really loved me" but why would you go out and get drunk when you have terminal cancer surly it would cause sooooo much pain the next day?

I appreciate everyone replying, thanks

April 6, 2015

Yes I agree the situation is stupid but it's my feelings he is playing with.
I know from Facebook that she had cancer she wrote something about it.
But I think he is just playing me for a fool and just wants no strings sex and that's all. Another thing is that he got drunk one night and told me he "really really loved me" but why would you go out and get drunk when you have terminal cancer surly it would cause sooooo much pain the next day?

I appreciate everyone replying, thanks

Why don't you find out for sure before you jump to any conclusions though. If he really did have cancer, the last thing you want to do is find out he's died and you thought he was faking it lol.

April 6, 2015

Why don't you find out for sure before you jump to any conclusions though. If he really did have cancer, the last thing you want to do is find out he's died and you thought he was faking it lol.

Whether he has cancer or not, don't have sex with him!

If he does, you will find out eventually.

It doesn't really change anything. He is still your EX.... either way.

Edited April 6, 2015 by katiegrl

April 6, 2015

For some reason I have a feeling that he is not faking it. You should see him for his birthday but if he is that sick you won't be able to have sex anyway. Especially if it's spread to the pancreas, he will be anorexic and not look the same. The only reason you should go is for your sanity if it is indeed true, you won't regret it. If it is not and he tries to get you in bed, well guess what at this point he will lose you for ever and see you for the last time because now you would have lost that last bit of trust. He might want to see you because he might still have feelings for you and if he was really diagnosed with this then he probably did not have anything else to wrap his head around while dealing with this. I usually have a really good intuition about things, and if it's not right you won't lose a thing.

April 6, 2015

Wait a minute he can't be drinking if he had cancer spread to the pancreas and liver. Liver metabolizes alcohol and he'd be dead by now. Ok I just read that post and reconsidering my reply.

April 6, 2015

Ask more specific questions about his diagnosis and treatment. I think he's not being honest with you, based on some of the things you've said here, but if on the off-chance he is, I don't see why he'd have a problem answering your questions.

You could tell him you would be glad to see him but will not be engaging in sex with him. As an ex-boyfriend, particularly one who claims to be terminally ill, he should be able to understand why. If he gets angry or changes his mind about seeing you, then I think you have your answer. If he were truly dying of cancer and worried he might not see you again and loves you as much as he says, I think he would welcome the chance to meet regardless of whether sex is on the table.

April 6, 2015

I had thought about asking his mum but I don't know her well enough to message her.

You could just send your condolences to his mother and tell her how sorry you are that her son is going through cancer like she did and that you wish them both the best and to let you know if there's anything you can do to help.

Whether he's lying about it or not, there is something very sick and manipulative about telling an ex, "Hey baby, I'm dying and my only wish on my very last birthday on this earth is for you come over and sex me up and then go away. And there will be no 'I love you's' either. Cool?"

It's pretty ****ed up.

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Is he lying about having cancer?

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