How do I choose?

[KKT]

I am a 50 yr old woman and I've been dating a man for about 2 years and have very deep feelings for him. He is an extremely successful politician. He works about 16 hours a day at least 6 days a week and many times he's at work on Sunday afternoons. We have almost nothing in common except that we love being together. (I love all things outdoors... hiking, paddle boarding, any and every beach and he simply doesn't like any of those things) We go out to dinner and I stay with him a couple of nights a week at one or the other of his homes and he's constantly trying to make me feel like his home is mine when I'm there. There are a couple of things though that make all of it feel wrong. Suffice it to say that I will never fit into his world. He is African American and I feel that his career would be harmed by bringing a "white girl" to political functions. If I were also very successful that may be a different story, but I'm just an average woman. In addition he's also never invited me to meet his family and we never hang out with his friends. Again, I feel that it's due to the ethnic differences, but in defense of him, he never really does anything except work unless he goes away a couple of times a year to go big game hunting. He told me when we first met that he never felt he'd want to get married again, that being said, he recently told me that he wanted me to move in with him. However, when I think about what my life would be if we were together I know I would be very lonely.

 

After a lot of prayer, I finally decided that I if I wanted to be with someone that I am compatible with and if I truly want to be married again (I was widowed over 10 yrs ago) then I needed to continue dating other people.

 

Enter another really terrific man. He too is very successful and yet he does nothing to make me feel "inferior". We've dated for a couple of months and he's already introduced me to his friends and wants me to meet his children. We recently attended his church together and he introduced me to everyone. I can tell that he is falling in love with me and I could easily see us being together for the rest of our lives and he would adore me. He also loves the beach, paddle boarding, hiking and scuba diving and wants to retire on the beach one day soon. When I'm with him things just seem to be right and normal.

 

I know which man is making me his priority. I know, with all the details above which man I should "choose". But how do I ignore the love I feel for guy #1? Am I being foolish to date them both (neither of them have asked if I'm dating someone else but they both definitely assume I'm not). Am I being fair to guy #1 in that I've never actually told him that I want to be married again and see what his response is? Am I being fair to myself to ignore that fact that he and I have nothing in common except the peace we both feel in our souls when we are together. I know I'm not being fair to any of us to continue allowing them to both think we're exclusive.

 

My best friend wants me to stop seeing the politician for a month to see how things progress with guy #2 as she's positive he's the best man for my life. I would really appreciate hearing your opinions of the situation. Perhaps someone will say something that speaks to my heart to help me with my decision.

 

Thank you in advance for your advice!!

Edited April 5, 2015 by KKT

[Versacehottie]

I felt like I didn't really have a good solution but your best friend does. I like that one. When you say you would have a lonely life with #1, that is not really encouraging. Plus he doesn't want to get married again--why do you want to fight that battle?!! Lastly #2 has done everything right and you have feelings for him. I'd say the biggest indicator is who has introduced you to family and friends. That's huge and it's an openess that baudes well for a long term relationship. Don't let longing for what could be with #1, get in the way of your happiness long-term. Give it a month of time off. I'm sure you could feign being busy and perhaps even a faux vacation to figure it out, right?

[KKT]

I know that's the correct decision... If only my heart would listen!

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

The guy who is #2 sounds better for you.

 

You said the #1 guy doesn't even like to do the things you do, and it sounds like he is unavailable.

 

I guess it's true, Women always like what they can't have Lol.

[Gary S]

Obviously it's not going to go anywhere with the politician, so why not stop dating him altogether? Your feelings for him will fade with time, if you stop seeing him.