saw my ex last night and messed it up bad.

[itsallnewtome]

I finally convinced myself to go to the leaving party of an old friend that I knew my ex would be at, a club night. it's been three weeks since our final exchange of belongings and no contact . Im glad I did it , it was really good to see everyone . but when I saw her it did really hurt . she was dancing with her new friend, and looked so much more animated and happy than usual . that really sucked. I shouldn't , but I know I secretly want her to be hurting as much as me.

 

now I'm reminding myself that people often show themselves to be happy and care free, when in reality they can be in the depths of depression .

my point is confirmed further because one of my friends said I looked smiley and happy . when really, an hour before I had tears running down my cheeks . I find I'm feeling great one minute , then a reminder of her slips in my mind and I'm on the verge of tears and just want to be by myself . most often I feel very sad.

she isn't the kind to want to look as if she's "winning the breakup" by trying to appear super happy and hoping I notice .

 

I walked out to the smoking area and saw her talking to my friend , froze , and went back inside . he later told me she was talking about the reasons for our breakup . he said she told him she felt we hadn't connected on every level . this comes as a shocker to me , we would often talk about how connected and close we felt to eachother. she called me her best friend . once she said after a several hours long conversation where we asked eachother lots of questions about our morals and ourselves that she felt even closer to me when she thought it wasn't even possible .

and then "we didn't connect on every level"?

I feel like I've never connected with anyone like I did with her , and I was under the impression she felt the same . several times she told me I was her favourite person she's ever met.

he also said "this can't really help but the way she described you it sounded like you were perfect for her. "

 

 

we spoke at the end of the night briefly and I really messed it up.

 

I did an awful job at staying strong , I'd drunk a fair amount which didn't help me make wise decisions. she asked how I was and I said I was alright, but I know I looked awfully sad to see her , no smiles and a stoney face, and my voice stuttered , I was obviously anything but alright . I then told her I still missed her . she said "I know, we're going to miss the s*** out of eachother but it will pass." the encounter ended with a quick hug and me being a flannel with my last words being "you were f****** great."

 

and that wasn't the end of my stupid behaviour , I then went on to kiss an old friend about 5 minutes later a very short distance from the smoking area I know she was in , I wasn't even doing it to get at her but I wish I hadn't . if she had seen it would be a massive disrespect from me and make me look very immature . we were behind a small pillar so I hope her vision was blocked if she had noticed me walk off with the other girl.

 

it seems like her life is so much better than mine right now , she has a new group of friends she told me she really fits in with , when my close friends are all at uni and my relationships with them are waning because of the distance. the ones I have left locally I wouldn't even call friends , just acquaintances. they very rarely try to get in touch with me . it feels like I make all the effort . we will meet and have a good time and say how we should do more things together , and then no further effort from them is made . I don't feel good initiating nearly every conversation I have.

 

what makes it harder is I've always had sub-par social skills/intelligence , which makes making and keeping friends difficult for me. I'm working on them and I know I'm miles better than I used to be however. a couple years ago a gorgeous girl threw herself at me , the girl every guy drools over and everyone talks about her beauty. then lost interest after about 2 days because I was so socially inept. that used to happen a lot , girls would like me before getting to know me cause of various reasons but then get to actually talking to me and lose all interest. but a year later I was actually able to keep a girlfriend very happy for nearly a year . I still feel pretty poor in this area and know it is probably the most vital component for anyone to be happy , a good social life .

 

my only real friend right now is my twin sister , she is always there for me and I have a great friendship with her.

my mum has just gotten over cancer but I worry it will return. my life feels like a ticking bomb , right now I feel I'm on a slippery slope to depression.

[d0nnivain]

You didn't screw up. You went even though you knew she'd be there. You put on a brave face. You were good to your friend to be there to say good bye.

 

And, most importantly, you survived. The 1st meeting is always the hardest & you did it. Good for you.

 

 

Stop being hard on yourself.

[SoThatHappened]

I echo what dOnnivan said. You didn't nothing wrong.

 

Took some balls to go to that party. Believe me, you did just about everything right.

 

Don't worry about your social issues. Don't worry that she seems happy. As you eluded to, people love to put on a happy "mask" in front of others. It's a lot like Facebook. It's usually a front.

 

When they're home alone at night, they could be crying their eyes out. BUT, on Facebook and in front of an ex they put on a facade.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. You seem like a really great guy. If she isn't the one, then she isn't the one. But there are plenty of women out there who will absolutely love your personality and (maybe perceived) social ineptitude.

 

The best thing you can do in your life right now is to cut her out of it completely. Even tell her that you're doing so to heal if you have to.

 

Then, work on yourself and WAIT until you're healed before you try to find someone else (if the right person doesn't find you before that).

 

Heal.

 

Then you'll be fine. I promise.

[itsallnewtome]

I echo what dOnnivan said. You didn't nothing wrong.

 

Took some balls to go to that party. Believe me, you did just about everything right.

 

Don't worry about your social issues. Don't worry that she seems happy. As you eluded to, people love to put on a happy "mask" in front of others. It's a lot like Facebook. It's usually a front.

 

When they're home alone at night, they could be crying their eyes out. BUT, on Facebook and in front of an ex they put on a facade.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. You seem like a really great guy. If she isn't the one, then she isn't the one. But there are plenty of women out there who will absolutely love your personality and (maybe perceived) social ineptitude.

 

The best thing you can do in your life right now is to cut her out of it completely. Even tell her that you're doing so to heal if you have to.

 

Then, work on yourself and WAIT until you're healed before you try to find someone else (if the right person doesn't find you before that).

 

Heal.

 

Then you'll be fine. I promise.

 

thanks man, that was good to read. I'm doing my best to cut her out completely , resisting urges to look at her online profiles as I know each time I have looked at them I feel AWFUL afterward. deleted her off Facebook , Instagram , snapchat etc. blocked her sister's snapchat today too, occasionally she would have stories with my ex in that also made me feel crap. I know I should probably delete every text we have sent eachother and all the intimate pictures also, I haven't worked up the strength to do that yet . thanks for the helpful words

[SoThatHappened]

If you'd like to always have those pictures, just email them to yourself and get rid of them on your phone/computer/etc.

 

That helps keep them at a distance and off of things you view everyday.

 

I compiled all pictures of my ex and sent them to a "ghost" email account. That was around 8 months ago, and haven't looked in the last 5 months or so.

 

I wanted to keep them, but needed to get them out of my sight at the same time.

 

One day, I may delete them forever. Just not there yet and may never be. But, at least I have the option.

[d0nnivain]

I know I should probably delete every text we have sent eachother and all the intimate pictures also, I haven't worked up the strength to do that yet .

 

 

Then don't delete them. Buy a flash drive. Save everything to the flash drive. Put the flash drive in a box. Tape it shut & put it in the back of your closet.

[itsallnewtome]

If you'd like to always have those pictures, just email them to yourself and get rid of them on your phone/computer/etc.

 

That helps keep them at a distance and off of things you view everyday.

 

I compiled all pictures of my ex and sent them to a "ghost" email account. That was around 8 months ago, and haven't looked in the last 5 months or so.

 

I wanted to keep them, but needed to get them out of my sight at the same time.

 

One day, I may delete them forever. Just not there yet and may never be. But, at least I have the option.

 

great idea.