flirtatwork Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Okay. There is this girl I like. We attend the same church once a week but we didn't know that we did until she started working at the same place as I work and we started talking about how familiar we seem to each other. On her second day at work we got the chance to chat a little bit and it was then when we found out that we have seen each other before. I thought I was reading some signs from her. Always when I was talking she looked at my lips, back to my eyes, back to my lips. She wanted to be close to me at work, but she's not like that with others. She drove me home one night but she didn't drive straight there, she drove for 2 hours or something and told me basically the story of her life. She gave me her number without me asking for it and texted me a link to a song that she likes. I really wanted to kiss her that night but I didn't because everything was happening so fast, so fast that I wasn't sure if the signs I was reading were right. I may have been a little awkward when we were saying goodbye because of that. Couple of days later I invited her out to have a coffee with me. That plan changed to dinner and it was there where I told her that I really wanted to kiss her that other day in the car and asked her what she thought about that to try to get some reaction from her. She took a ring of her hand and handed it to me and told me to take a look. I asked her what I should be looking for and she told me to read what it said. It was a purity ring. I didn't know how to feel or what so say for a moment. I didn't know if I was being rejected or if this was a statement telling me to make a choice, either I don't get her or I have to be able to wait with sex until marriage. Honestly I don't know what's going on. We still meet and Im teaching her to play guitar and we connect really well when we are alone together. She sends me texts messages and I reply. We go together to this church where we both attend once a week but when we are there it is like we don't know each other and sometimes I don't know how to act. Since she showed me that ring I haven't talked about my feelings or about kissing her again. Im pretty sure that she knows that I am thinking about these things but it seems like she's able to ignore it. Somehow I'm waiting for her to make the next move but while I wait I feel like this is slipping away. Like I'm sailing in to the friend zone. I've never been in this situation before and I don't know what to do. I've been thinking about confronting her again with my feelings, because believe it or not I wouldn't mind not having sex with her until marriage. I'm not joking, it's something about her. She is really special to me. But then I think it could destroy the relationship that we have now and we are building. I just need some help. I need other people to read this and give me advice because I don't want to mess this up.
CarrieT Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 How old are you guys? If in your early 20s (or younger), I would say date and play-the-field. This girl will probably have sex with someone if/when she is given an engagement ring and believes marriage is imminent. BTW, I'm not sure what "being pure" means in regards to just kissing. Usually it means they won't go "all the way..."
Author flirtatwork Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 How old are you guys? If in your early 20s (or younger), I would say date and play-the-field. This girl will probably have sex with someone if/when she is given an engagement ring and believes marriage is imminent. BTW, I'm not sure what "being pure" means in regards to just kissing. Usually it means they won't go "all the way..." 22+ That's what I thought. But it sounded like she doesn't kiss unless she has a boyfriend or something. Just to have it clear, she's not a virgin. She took up the ring 2 years ago after a bad period in her life.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 22+ That's what I thought. But it sounded like she doesn't kiss unless she has a boyfriend or something. Just to have it clear, she's not a virgin. She took up the ring 2 years ago after a bad period in her life. Wtf is the point of that then. Sure it makes sense if she's a virgin and you get to be the first one to have sex with her, and it's special at least. But in this case you get to wait potentially years to have sex with a girl who gave it up easy to some other random guy. But yeah I wouldn't date a girl who wanted to wait until marriage anyway. Not disrespecting those who do, but sex is way too important in a relationship to wait that long IMO.
Maleficent Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Barcode88, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense to you. It's a choice she made. She could change her mind, she could just as well not. OP, that was probably her way of telling you about the vow she took for herself. You should talk to her but should you decide to go down the relationship route, be prepared you may have to respect her decision to not have sex until marriage. 1
Author flirtatwork Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Barcode88, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense to you. It's a choice she made. She could change her mind, she could just as well not. OP, that was probably her way of telling you about the vow she took for herself. You should talk to her but should you decide to go down the relationship route, be prepared you may have to respect her decision to not have sex until marriage. Thank your for your reply Maleficent. Im just not sure what the next step is. I feel like the conversation I would have to have with her about this is a danger zone. I don't want to scare her away. I don't want to seem stupid for not getting that this was her way to reject a romantic relationship with me and I dont want to be rushing things before I get to know her better. But then I don't want to get stuck in no friendzone if I can do something about it. I was thinking about asking her out on a 2nd date next weekend or something. Should I wait until then to bring this up again?
kissmybooty Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I think in the back of her mind she also thinks that you like her so much that you are thinking of marriage because you continue to pursue her even after she told you about the ring. I would , if I was her. So definitely stride cautiously and ask yourself where you see your self going with her.
Buddhist Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 She showed it to you because she wants you to only be in a relationship with her if you are willing to remove sex from the equation. It's that simple. What you do now is up to you but if you think you can bring her around to having sex with you outside of marriage, that would be a really poor way to enter into a relationship with her. At least she's letting you know what kind of relationship she is offering you before you run too far with your feelings. 3
Maleficent Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Thank your for your reply Maleficent. Im just not sure what the next step is. I feel like the conversation I would have to have with her about this is a danger zone. I don't want to scare her away. I don't want to seem stupid for not getting that this was her way to reject a romantic relationship with me and I dont want to be rushing things before I get to know her better. But then I don't want to get stuck in no friendzone if I can do something about it. I was thinking about asking her out on a 2nd date next weekend or something. Should I wait until then to bring this up again? I'm with Buddhist. I don't think she used this as a way of rejecting you. She is probably aware some people will reject her because of that choice and I would bet she is waiting for you to make some sort of move.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Barcode88, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense to you. It's a choice she made. She could change her mind, she could just as well not. OP, that was probably her way of telling you about the vow she took for herself. You should talk to her but should you decide to go down the relationship route, be prepared you may have to respect her decision to not have sex until marriage. I'm just expressing my opinion. It doesn't really make sense to have a purity ring if you're no longer pure... Lol. Whatever floats her boat though I won't lose sleep over it.
Maleficent Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I'm just expressing my opinion. It doesn't really make sense to have a purity ring if you're no longer pure... Lol. Whatever floats her boat though I won't lose sleep over it. And I've expressed the opinion her decision doesn't have to make sense to you. She still gets to make that decision and have it respected. Whether or not her decision makes sense is not what OP was asking anyways. Good night though
Author flirtatwork Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 She showed it to you because she wants you to only be in a relationship with her if you are willing to remove sex from the equation. It's that simple. What you do now is up to you but if you think you can bring her around to having sex with you outside of marriage, that would be a really poor way to enter into a relationship with her. At least she's letting you know what kind of relationship she is offering you before you run too far with your feelings. I'm with Buddhist. I don't think she used this as a way of rejecting you. She is probably aware some people will reject her because of that choice and I would bet she is waiting for you to make some sort of move. Thank you both for replying. This has helped a lot. I'm gonna see how this week works out and plan another date with her next weekend. Maybe I'm thinking to far ahead but I think if I can talk openly about these things again with her and tell her I would remove sex from the equation to be with her it will hit the spot. Like I said in the first post, my gut is telling me that she likes me in a romantic way because of the signals. But maybe I was wrong. That is what is so hard about all this. I have to break the ice AGAIN, and of course I am afraid of getting rejected. And I always have a hard time being only friends after rejection. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 It didn't sound like she was the virgin type, it seemed like a reaction from a previous relationship judging by the awkward behavior, but now she's trying to "change" her life by being celibate and all of that. IMO you backed off way too dramatically just because she showed you her ring of power, it was just a conscious warning for her and to remind herself and you what she is was aiming for...she probably doesn't desire to "give all of herself", especially when she's in a religious community trying to live her life now by what she believes is right...plus religion provides a kind of forgiveness for those who feel ashamed or regretful of that past, it provides them in their minds with a second chance they cannot give themselves. You on the other hand, are coming in blind, and with your blinders on thinking it's all some kind of romantic fairy tale. But what you don't understand is this girl already has serious issues and hangups, that's why she's choosing this route more than likely...rather than just having this ingrained believe to be celibate to marriage...there's a big difference in the two. I think you should back-off personally for your own good. You just sound young, inexperienced and easily falling "in-love" with the fantasy of this girl, all the while she's got some serious feelings and issues to be addressed that are going to cause you problems in your relationship, but you think those things will just be overcome with a snap of the fingers...so I see you highly misunderstanding, misinterpreting the situation and becoming easily confused and lost, and taking everything personal that she does or doesn't do...in a nutshell, you're just not going to understand her, and with your emotions and growing desire for her, you're just going to be all the more blinded from thinking rationally. Of course she wants "love" and an interest from you, but she's going to make you jump through a jump of hoops just to prove yourself to her...and this is not because of you but because of her broken trust from the past relationship. She needs to resolve those issues within her past, instead of just trying to turn an eye on them and wish them away, because she can very likely fall into another trap and lose control..she seems like the type. If you were the type of guy she falls for, he could probably "ruin" all this for her by pressing the right buttons on her. At any rate, I know you're going to keep trying and I don't blame you if you do, just know that you are in over your head and you're falling in "love" with an ideal of the girl not who she actually is. You don't know her, you just met her, and while she's just easily taking her time casually you're doing backflips and over-thinking the hell out of everything and obsessing over it...you need to just make a move and try, and if you get rejected so be it, you don't need to act like a saint...in fact if you do, she'll likely lose interest in you or just be with you because you seem like a safe, reliable and trustworthy vibe...her romantic interest will dwindle or be very limited, and that you are doing to yourself.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 And I've expressed the opinion her decision doesn't have to make sense to you. She still gets to make that decision and have it respected. Whether or not her decision makes sense is not what OP was asking anyways. Good night though I never implied that it had to make sense to me. Good night
Gary S Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 There is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage for sex. Some of these people will kiss, some won't. Go in for the kiss and find out. Take her out on some dates.
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 She's definitely interested. She showed you the ring so you could make the decision to date without sex or not. The ball is in your court.
Els Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) If both of you are very religious and are regular church attenders, it's very likely that she just meant exactly what she said - she's saving sex for marriage and she wants that to be known up front. I wouldn't consider it a rejection. Now YOU have to decide whether you are in agreement with that or not. I have to say, though, that if you aren't interested in waiting for marriage, church isn't really the best place to be meeting girls. Edited April 6, 2015 by Elswyth
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