asdf24 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I was OK for a couple of weeks and it's been a month since the last time we talked of no contact. We split because of her parents.. wouldn't let us be together.. we exhuasted every effort to try and make it work with them. I didn't show her how much I loved her and she didn't believe I loved her when I told her which really hurt. I drive past were we used to work everyday and all the spots we used to be together because that's where I live. I got all light headed when I remember us being together in one of those spots.. I'm on the verge of crying all the time I'm a grown ass man and people know me as a tough guy.. thisbis the worst feeling in the world. words cannot describe how much I love and miss her. I keep questioning if she feels the same rght now. I know she has in the past when we couldn't be together. But idk if I really messed this one up. She was my whole life.. we were off and on for 2 years.
NC-Thomas Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) She was my whole life.. we were off and on for 2 years. She was your whole life and you were on and yet you were off for 2 years? You and I both know this relationship was doomed the minute it went OFF. These kind of relationships don't work because you obviously are trying to fix something unfix-able, based on clingy, desperate and anxious needs/feelings. Look at yourself and ask: why was she "my whole life"? NO, you have your own life. Focus on making yourself happy. This too, will pass. You will be happy once again. Edited April 5, 2015 by NC-Thomas
Seeker12 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Hey mate chin up, i was in the same position with my ex, we split because her parents wouldnt accept me, didnt fight for it because well i knew itd exacerbate the situation and make things worse for both of us and our families, mutually we accepted to keep our options open and what will be, well will be. This time, and what youre feeling will come to an end, youre mourning the relationship, grieving the loss, ultimately, youll never know how she feels until she tells you, and to be honest right now she may be pretty blunt and harsh to you. Feel the emotions and the pain, cry if you need to mate.
Author asdf24 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) She was your whole life and you were on and yet you were off for 2 years? You and I both know this relationship was doomed the minute it went OFF. These kind of relationships don't work because you obviously are trying to fix something unfix-able, based on clingy, desperate and anxious needs/feelings. Look at yourself and ask: why was she "my whole life"? NO, you have your own life. Focus on making yourself happy. This too, will pass. You will be happy once again. Yeah I mean I sugguested we ended it asked if she wanted to before. But she insisted. She backed out on moving out last minute.. I tried to convince her when she initially broke it off because it seemed like it came out of no where.. I even asked if there was someone else. She was acting really distant and we could only see each other once a month or so. Said I don't mean you being unfaithful but maybe someone else is on the backburner. She asked for me back I rejected her.. I guess but i meant as in it was merely a sugguestion. I called her 2 days later asked how she was doing she stonewalled me was acting like a bitch. I blew up got in a huge fight her over the phone friends were with her so probabaly a lot of **** talking on me. Told her im done playing these mind games your too young for this **** im not valling back. I then apologized the next day.. said you were mean idk if I want to talk to you anymore I guess I hurt her.. Then I went a month no contact.. called her had to drop off some stuff she got really hostile on me.. giving me attitude.. She said I don't care about her just used her I never showed her that I love her. She claimed I don't even know anything about her. I got tongue tied and really emotional .. no tears but you could see it in my face hear it in my voice that u was about to. She said all of her friends say I'm using her and she's too stupid to realize it. I got deep and told her I didn't have it the best growing up and being in the military changed me and it's hard for me to open up.. Told her I've been ****ed over before by a girl too. Said just don't hate me like every other girl in my life.. I used to be a player. I said I want you.. she said it's too late now.. too much damage has been done. asked if we can still talk here and there. Said she can't get over.me if she talks to me. said she doesn't want me to wait two years for me when she goes to college.. anyways I got nothing out I wanted to say when she was saying I hurt her a lot got moody and said mean things.. I explained to her I was under a lot of stress with the police academy I was doing my dad was dying on me from a brain tumoor. I just blew up. This was a long 10 page letter. It was just explaining why I acted the way I did not asking for her back. but I did ask if we can talk here and there and she never confirmed Soni did ask. She wrote back 3 pages.. was genuine. Said basically this is goodbye was the hardest thing she's ever done but its what's best considering the circumstances. if you meet someone from here to there I wish u nothing but the best. I feel like I went straight bitch mode on this breakup or maybe I just showed her that I care and tried to fight iDk. I never showed her any real love before.. I just hate looking like a sad little victim.. I rather come out an ******* than a needy weak man. What does it look like to you.. does it look like I went weak? Edited April 6, 2015 by asdf24
WhiteKnighter Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 It's a really, really hard spot to be in. For me, it's been almost 3 weeks, and while the time apart (when there's nothing to remind me of her or 'us') does make me able to get by, I cannot help but fall back into a depression when things remind me of her. The thing is, I also feel like I'm choosing to only remember the good things. Take that as a sign you are not a vengeful or spiteful person. I'm sure there were bad things between you, too, but you're choosing to remember the good things; that does say a lot. However, take some time to also consider the other end of the story. What DIDN'T work between you? Unfortunately, I had no choice but to see my ex in person today to get something back from her place. The hardest part of that was feeling like I was obviously the one hurting more; I had to try SO HARD to keep a normal attitude and be blunt and mature about it. I really wanted to bust out crying, yelling, and cursing her for hurting me. My heart was pounding in my chest, seriously thought I was going to pass out, even though all she did was come out to the car and hand something off, and said a few things. You need to remember, though, that no matter what transpires (moving on, resolving things, etc), you need to not THINK about all the possibilities. Only when you stop holding onto these expectations can you see things clearly.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Go back and re-read your old posts. In every one you mention that she's either crying hysterically, acting hysterically (at one point she even alarmed EMTs, remember?), being passive-aggressive and taking little jabs at you, or flat-out lying about being promiscuous for some reason. And her friends don't like you, nor do her parents, both of whom beat you up when they found their underage daughter drunk at your place AFTER they specifically forbid you two to see each other. You've broken up and gotten back together numerous times, and she finally bailed for good after her parents threatened to cut her off if she moved in with you. This is such a messed up, clusterf*ck of a relationship, I don't even know where to begin... As a parent, I can say that for me to threaten to cut off any of my kids for who they're seeing, I would have to have very, very good reasons indeed. Not saying that you're a bad guy necessarily, but her parents see something in you that has them extremely upset about the relationship. This isn't something to be taken lightly. Same with her friends, if they don't like the two of you together either, that's another red flag. I suggested therapy in one of your old threads, when you were concerned about depression. I still think it is important, especially if you're still very emotional about all this. You aren't able yet to step back and get some perspective on everything, and I think you really need to. It's fine that you miss your ex, but the relationship was all highs and lows and very toxic. I don't know why you'd miss it, honestly. It looked from my perspective that it was mainly one of you apologizing to the other, or someone walking around with hurt feelings. Long story short, I think you need to honestly examine the relationship and ask why you want to go back to it. Try to seperate your feelings, and realize that you can miss somone and still not want to be with them, if that makes sense. I did it with my ex, realized the relationship wasn't a healhy one and came to terms with it. But it took me longer to stop missing HIM.
Author asdf24 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 It really was a cluster **** of a relationship. I guess I miss it because we were about to move out and it would of finally been normal. But looking back it git toxic and I guess I'm trying to examine why it did. Asking myself if it was the situation or if it was me. It really bothers me. Her opinion of me was so high at one point and It really bothers me that she might think less of me now because of the stress and this breakup and how things played out. Idk what happened with her mom but she really does hate me. Idk if it's the age or something else..
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