josh1990 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So I will substitute names in this, and I dont think im looking to do anything rash but just want some opinions and advice. So I have been with my girlfriend since I a teenager, for 5 years. The first 2 years were great, however its progressively gotten worse. I love her very much and sometimes I am so grateful to have her she does some great things that i cant help but smile. However she has some real anger problems and she is sort of selfish. She has a lot that goes on in her life and we basically live together (for the past 3 years) however she is really negative towards herself and seems miserable. She also is angered EXTREMELY easy. This is my biggest problems. The smallest things set her off from the softest punch when we are play fighting (literally a love tap) when she is wailing on me, to just beating on a desk will and can infuriate her. Anyhow in the past 2 years I've probably tried having this discussion with her 5 times or so it always goes in one ear and out the other. She doesnt take me seriously when I tell her she just needs to calm down and relax sometimes. However the anger blows over by the next morning when we wake up and its like everything is good or new until i do some small thing to piss her off (happens daily almost) There have been times I've thought about breaking up with her but she doesnt know about this because of these problems. Anyhow we work at the same job and a new girl has started recently, its actually her old friend next door neighbor (I dont believe they were ever that close and didnt really keep in touch at all) Anyhow we've flirted a little bit, there is no saying she likes me but i definitely have a crush on her. It somewhat motivates me to move on from my girlfriend now but I do love her very much, but I just feel she may not be the one. I have not interest in cheating on her by any means but without her in my life I could be quite lonely all my friends have moved away and I pretty much spend all my time with her.. I dont really know what to do so just want to see what the anonymous public has to say
Author josh1990 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Id also like to add another reason I wouldnt leave her is because we are both 100% faithful to each other and we both know that we wouldnt cheat on each other. I think she is madly in love with me and wouldnt break up with meunder the worse conditions but i've somewhat lost that in love feeling
carhill Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 IMO, a healthy interim measure, accepting that you can't change her, would be to develop an independent social life and circle and end the era of her being your be-all and end-all. Focus in particular on making male friends and engaging in mutual interests. Welcome to LS 1
Gloria25 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 IMO, relationships are to figure out if people are a match...(well, unless you're just looking for companionship and/or someone to keep you temporary company till you marry). Deciding what's a "match" requires several things: -For one, you have to know what you are looking for. I mean, you've been with her since you were a teenager and haven't formed RLs with other women, so she's all you know. Have you ever had a talk with your parents and/or look at other relationships to decide what you want in a woman? IMO, youth should be taken to enjoy company of others w/o tying yourself down to one person. I mean, you are already shacking-up/playing house with this girl. So, you have locked into this girl while both of you are so young and w/o getting to know her. I mean, now that she's showing you who she is, you are reluctant to back out cuz you closed yourself off to her and are sharing rent/expenses. IMO, next time don't get under the same roof with someone unless you are married. -Two, deal breakers. No one is 100% what we want. You said you two will never cheat on each other...so, despite all the other negative stuff about her, finding someone who will not cheat on you is the only thing you want in a mate? So, IMO, you have to decide what you will be willing to accept in someone and what is a deal breaker. I don't know, but IMO, everything else negative you listed about her makes her not cheating be small fries. So, if you want to put up with all the negatives about her because it's hard to find someone who won't cheat, then more power to you. In sum, I think you did so many things to "lock you in" with someone you barely know. Now, she is showing you who she is and you are reluctant to have the courage to back out. You both are young and will not be the same at 18, 20, 25, 28, and 30. I say take a step back, date w/o locking yourself onto the first chick you see and get to know yourself and what you want in a mate...so, by the time you mature (like late 20's early 30's) and are set in your life, education, and/or career - you can make an informed choice in a woman. Good luck,
Author josh1990 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I appreciate the answer and agree in several ways. The only plus to her isnt that she doesnt cheat but I know she is loyal and always will be. She can be sweet at times, but it doesnt compare to her anger and the way she treats me sometimes. You are right that I dont have the courage to back out of it though. Because like I said I do love her but I compared to what we have I dont feel the same as I used to anymore, I think she sees it at times too that I dont feel the same that I used to but if she mentions it I disagree because I dont want to hurt her. im 22 and in college, she is 21 and also in college, for whatever that means. p.s. One of the biggest things in her that I cant stand that coincides with her anger is she can NEVER be wrong, and even when she is and knows she is she wont apologize or make any kind of acknowledgement, she will stick to her stance. It's very frustrating at times.
salparadise Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I appreciate the answer and agree in several ways. The only plus to her isnt that she doesnt cheat but I know she is loyal and always will be. She can be sweet at times, but it doesnt compare to her anger and the way she treats me sometimes. You are right that I dont have the courage to back out of it though. Because like I said I do love her but I compared to what we have I dont feel the same as I used to anymore, I think she sees it at times too that I dont feel the same that I used to but if she mentions it I disagree because I dont want to hurt her. im 22 and in college, she is 21 and also in college, for whatever that means. p.s. One of the biggest things in her that I cant stand that coincides with her anger is she can NEVER be wrong, and even when she is and knows she is she wont apologize or make any kind of acknowledgement, she will stick to her stance. It's very frustrating at times. I think it's appropriate for you to take a look at Downtown's 18 item list and see if it seems consistent with her behaviors, or not. Try to be objective.
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