God! The Pain...didn't expect I'd see my ex on the flesh on Easter Sunday...crap...

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Need to vent.

 

Short History: my ex girlfriend, Jenn left me for another guy after our relationship failed a week before last Christmas and jumped ship immediately and hid it from me while we still lived together for 3 months which drove me insane. She eventually moved out recently in March (she left some stuff items behind though) and i've been trying to go no contact on/off with failed success. I had to get my mind right and realize I had enough of the feeling regret/sadness/loss and start focusing on myself and stop worrying about what she was doing.

 

This past Friday, I committed to strict NC despite the messages sent by her. This Easter Sunday I dropped off the rest of her stuff (food items) she had left behind from my place with her roommate. I thought I was doing the right thing as it was the last of her items (emotional triggers) and I didn't want her (THE emotional trigger) coming to my place again and opening emotional wounds.

 

Apparently I did a bad job of collecting all her things as she showed up my door and walked right in to collect the items I missed and preceded to yell at me on why I dropped communication/ignored her as it made her feel like **** and why I came by her place without notifying her what I was doing. It sucked. I guess I should have notified her roommate to tell her what I was doing, but too late.

 

After she calmed down, we sat down and talked and I explained what I needed (NC) and why I needed it (get over her, move on with life, and stop feeling depressed and sad). I told her I still cared about her (bad), still loved her (very bad), and still had hope to reconcile (not good) which is why I needed to go NC and kill this attachment. She listened, we cried, we hugged, she took the remainder of her stuff and left.

 

It sucked that I had to explain to herself what I was doing as I really didn't want to have to give her any reason. I just wanted to disappear from her life - straight up - with no explanation. I felt like when I had to explain myself, I lost my power and self dignity again and she was in control as she was now aware of what my intent was. It's like I transformed back in to the same needy/clingy guy the day after the break up occurred. It sucked.

 

Every emotional wound that was created since the day of the breakup reopened as it sucked to see her cry and pack up her stuff in boxes and go.

 

Even her last message sent to my phone when she left was so cold and a penetrating stab right into my heart:

 

"Thank for talking with me today. I hope you have a good and productive evening."

 

And I thought I was doing a good thing for myself and the universe kicked me in the balls one last time to remind me that what I thought was doing the right thing could have been done in a different way.

 

Let this be a lesson to anyone who reads this. Don't fall in the same pitfall I did.

 

Now I have to rebuild everything again internally (mindset, heart, feelings).

[Mr Scorpio]

I am sorry that you had to experience that pain. Returning food items certainly wasn't worth that. But the worst is over with now. She now has no excuse to contact you. She knows what you are doing and why you are doing it. Stay NC.

[Ruby65]

Ooooff -- what a drama queen!

 

Hopefully, now that she's gotten her ego stroke -- err, I mean "explanation -- she'll leave you alone for a while.

 

I'm assuming you've got her blocked everywhere, online and off? That means Facebook, on your phone, on your email, on every site and app you use?

 

I don't think she's going to disappear quietly into the sunset.... so prepare yourself by making it almost impossible for her to contact you again.

 

Keep moving forward, keep healing -- you're doing great!

 

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Thanks for the responses. I'm slowly feeling better about myself again and slipping back into NC. I still have the urges to reach out to her and find out how she is doing/what she is doing but I have to remember no matter what I do it say...it won't bring her back as she is full throttle into the new relationship with this other guy and I have already indicated to her that I need NC to let go and move on.

[ZiggyZoo]

I don't think you should feel badly at all in this situation. Telling someone how you're feeling about them and why you will no longer be available for texts, phone calls, or hanging out is quite the opposite. You handled it with dignity and honesty, and nobody can fault you for that. If you were begging and pleading it'd be another story, but to me, there's nothing wrong with telling the truth about what's going on. Plus, it'll be easier in the long run, since you won't have to worry about whether or not she's misinterpreted your NC and thinks you hate her, or anything like that. That trips a lot of people up.

 

If anything, she should feel badly for barging into YOUR place and yelling about how your actions have hurt her and made her feel like **** without once stopping to consider how that looks. Ridiculous and hypocritical, from where I'm sitting. She's quite a manipulator, able to make you apologize for trying to take positive steps to heal from HER cheating. What a piece of work.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about losing your "power", which is ridiculous in the first place. NC isn't a contest, the only person you're competing with is yourself, so where does "power" even come into it? Anyway, being honest with yourself and with others is never, ever a bad thing. And I totally agree with Ruby65, she'll try to come back when the guilt gets too much, or as soon as she sees you're getting over her. Best to just block her now totally and move on.