Natalie8 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Hi, Im not sure if im posting in the right area... As the title says..should i tell him? Right now this is a hypothetical question as im not dating anyone but have always told the guys i was involved with and the last one ended things because of it so now i wonder if this is something i should keep to myself. A bit of background info. When i was 19 i worked in the porn industry for a very short while. I was trying to save up for an operation that i could only have privately. (Im blind in one eye and there was a pioneering treatment that i could have participated in..but would have had to pay for the flights to the US and hospital stay and some other costs..so a few thousands) I couldnt think of any ways to make that kind of money. My day job only payed enough to live on, had no chance of getting a loan and my family was in debt. I decided to do porn but i hated it, hated myself and left the industry after 2 shootings. I felt awful and dirty and i actually gave some of that money to my parents. I didnt have the op of course. This was over 13 years ago. I have done well in my life since, i put myself through uni, i have a good job now and i try to go out of my way to do good things, i have voluntered, i donate blood regularly and i work with special needs children. I am loyal whenever with someone and i would like nothing more than settling down and have children. Have had std test loads of times and im all clear. Have had relationships and i have always told the guys about this. Normally went down ok as they could see i was a stable, normal caring girl. However my last bf took it really badly..called me names , told me im impure, not-future- wife material etc. That really hurt me. Now i wonder if i should just keep this to myself next time. Or is that a bad idea? Do guys deserve to know? Would you want to know? (Btw, i have never came across any of my stuff online, have looked for it using all the right search words. Realistically there is a very small chance that anyone would come across it as there are hundreds of thousands of movies/ videos out there online..but i know that it is out there somewhere of course.) And yes,i know that my future children can come across it too. I will have to live with that and cross that bridge when i get there. Right now i just want to know other people's views on this. Thank you for taking the time to read it! Edited April 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 1
Shining One Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I would not judge you negatively for this. You participated in porn to get an operation on your eyes. You did not do it to support a lavish lifestyle or an expensive drug habit. To answer your question, I would want to know. However, I would also be understanding if you chose not to share and it came out some other way in the future. Some guys will judge you harshly for this and others will not. You have to ask yourself, do you want to be with those men who would judge you negatively for this? 8
kendahke Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Wow... that is a dilemma. I can see good reasons for both sides of it. I suppose you have to determine what you can live with. It's going to take a really secure man to clear that hurdle because as you've experienced, you're going to run across some who will drown in that information. Vet the guy really well is my best advice on this. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 13 years is a long time ago, and you only did 2 shoots. Like you said, the chance of a guy recognizing you, especially with no makeup on, is highly improbable. But there is a benefit to being honest about your past. You get to see the mettle of the man and if he is worthy of your investment. You mentioned it to one guy that didn't take it well. He ended up judging you harshly. As bad as that was, it is a positive thing. You knew right then and there that the guy wasn't worth it. So in a way, you being honest about your past is a test for the guy. 4
Hawaii51 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Not unless you were famous. No body wants to hear about their girlfriend being an ex porn "co" -star. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 No one would be able to find or recognize you. I'd keep quiet. 8
loveweary11 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 You only did 2 shoots 13 years ago?? Don't bother making your life more complicated for nothing. This is literally nothing. 3
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 No one would be able to find or recognize you. I'd keep quiet. I agree, in the UK there was a serious discussion about women in porn recently in the media, and some poor woman who had been a big porn star when she was really young, said she still gets tons of abuse online and IRL, and no-one will date her when they find out who she really is or they recognise her; she is in her thirties.
Toodaloo Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Forget about it if I were you. We all do things we are not proud of. When I was 13 I stole a hair brush and a troll key ring... Does that make me bad, untrustworthy or a thief? No, it makes me a pillock for giving in to peer pressure. It was actually harder to sneak them back into the shop the next day and put them back than to pinch them... I never did manage to give the troll thing back. Its not as if you were doing it to fund drugs etc. You did it twice. Forgive yourself and let it go. There is SOOOOoooooo much out there now it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack... 4
Hawaii51 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 tons of abuse online and IRL, and no-one will date her when they find out who she really is or they recognise her; she is in her thirties. There is a sort of karmic humor to it all.
lgspot Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Forget it. You are living an honorable life NOW... Pick the right guy and it won't matter when the time is right. As others have said, forgive yourself. We all do things based on circumstance.
Author Natalie8 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you for your replies. I did 2 shootings not just 2 scenes so i dont know how many movies they got cut into. What i was trying to ask in my original post is that is it dishonest if i dont tell/ dont bring it up..unless he asks, as i wouldnt lie..and then im unlucky enough that the guy(or a friend of his) comes across it would he have a right to say that i mislead or tricked him or pretended a false persona? The last guy said that every man is looking for a pure women and no man would want an ex porn actress as the mother for his kids. If i look at it like that then guys do deserve to know so they can make an informed decision on whether they want me as a mother for their kids. On the other hand i dont feel that it defines me or im a bad unreliable unstable character because of it and would worry that the guy would look at me differently forever..even if he stayed with me...
loveweary11 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 There is a sort of karmic humor to it all. How, in any way, is there karma involved here? It's the pig headed morons that make up the majority of the population that cause this other girl to have problems, not karma, for she didn't harm anyone. 4
Friskyone4u Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 That is a long time ago and while anything is possible you probably have as much chance of winning the lottery as someone you are dating or been involved with seeing it, especially if you were not involved in this for a long time. If you were still involved or thinking about doing it again it might be different. Very few people don't do something they are not proud of . And if what you did only two times 13 years ago makes it you non wife material there are now thousands of young women out there who will never get married Relax and don't bother broadcasting this to everyone you have a few dates with or even someone you like a lot
lgspot Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you for your replies. I did 2 shootings not just 2 scenes so i dont know how many movies they got cut into. What i was trying to ask in my original post is that is it dishonest if i dont tell/ dont bring it up..unless he asks, as i wouldnt lie..and then im unlucky enough that the guy(or a friend of his) comes across it would he have a right to say that i mislead or tricked him or pretended a false persona? The last guy said that every man is looking for a pure women and no man would want an ex porn actress as the mother for his kids. If i look at it like that then guys do deserve to know so they can make an informed decision on whether they want me as a mother for their kids. On the other hand i dont feel that it defines me or im a bad unreliable unstable character because of it and would worry that the guy would look at me differently forever..even if he stayed with me... I don't feel it defines you. Again I say, It won't matter to the right guy!!!! Who you are as a person is what matters. I have no doubt that you will do what's right when the time is right. So many people prejudge. No need to let random dates know your entire history.... 2
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 How, in any way, is there karma involved here? It's the pig headed morons that make up the majority of the population that cause this other girl to have problems, not karma, for she didn't harm anyone. Exactly. ..............
lgspot Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Hi, This was over 13 years ago. I have done well in my life since, i put myself through uni, i have a good job now and i try to go out of my way to do good things, i have voluntered, i donate blood regularly and i work with special needs children. I am loyal whenever with someone and i would like nothing more than settling down and have children. Have had std test loads of times and im all clear! After all I've been through, I'm pretty choosy who I date now. The paragraph above is all I would need to know. Its who you are the matters. I would date that girl!!!! 2
Toodaloo Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Natalie How often do you actually think about it? Day to day? Is it actually a great part of who you are? No its not. If it comes up you can explain but as I have said before its something a long time in your past. Most people really don't have a clue and are not porn collectors. They may have an old video or DVD stashed away in a sock drawer of watch a few clips on what ever internet things are going these days but most grown up adults tend to spend far more time worrying about other things. It was 2 shootings not 2 years of active hardcore filming. You have far more about you than you had sex and got filmed doing it. God if you are going to judge a person on that then I will have to join you as I have filmed myself with several of my exes. There is a blow job clip that I am not 100% has been deleted... So come on. Give yourself a break. The guy that is right for you will not give a damn. If it comes up then yeah ok talk about is as you have with us. If not then there is no reason to continue to bash yourself over this... 3
carhill Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 13 years ago? Nah, water long under the bridge. Maybe if you were Traci Lords or something and he didn't recognize you but, other, just go on and enjoy your relationship and dating experiences.
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Since it was so long ago, and for such a short time, I would not bring it up. If asked, you can be truthful since your motivations were for a good reason. But I would not bring it up.
True Gent Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Natalie8 that is a very sincere post. There is no way anyone who falls in love with you for who you are should be put off by this. It's probably a topic that will not be discussed early on in a relationship. I don't think you need to make it known. However if you do tell and they bail out on you when it's obvious to everyone here how you yourself feel about it all, I'd say they aren't right for you in the first place. You are a good person who does good things and has achieved a lot. Your negative experience has helped mould you into who you are today. Keep your head up and be proud of who you are. 1
Maxtor Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Let it stay in the past. You don't need to tell everything about you. You worked in porn, you didnt kidnap children. So relax.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 What i was trying to ask in my original post is that is it dishonest if i dont tell/ dont bring it up..unless he asks, as i wouldnt lie..and then im unlucky enough that the guy(or a friend of his) comes across it would he have a right to say that i mislead or tricked him or pretended a false persona? There is always the possibility of this happening, that's why it's best to be honest about it in the beginning of a relationship. Obviously it's not first date conversation. The fact that it was 13 years ago, and you did it for a legitimate reason when you had very little options, a smart guy will accept you and not judge you. The last guy said that every man is looking for a pure women and no man would want an ex porn actress as the mother for his kids. If i look at it like that then guys do deserve to know so they can make an informed decision on whether they want me as a mother for their kids. On the other hand i dont feel that it defines me or im a bad unreliable unstable character because of it and would worry that the guy would look at me differently forever..even if he stayed with me... Your last guy had no hold on reality. He sounded delusional. Everyone has some sort of past, mistakes they are not proud of. Unless the person is a serial killer, or a serial homewrecker, the person deserves a chance. But you are right that the other person in the relationship does deserve to make an informed decision. 1
Purepony Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 The right guy will stay with you no matter what he won't look for excuses to break up with you it's just an excuse for him to leave
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Personally a former porn actress wouldn't be a huge dealbreaker for me if it was in the past, and even much less so as long as it was brief.
Recommended Posts