Lostin_love Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I'm a very controlling and ambitious person. I like for everything to be planned out. As a result I have excelled through high school and college. I'm now prepping for medical school which is about 2 years away. My boyfriend of a year and a few months is the complete opposite of me, he's a laid back artist, who didn't finish high school. I live on my own, volunteer in a hospital, work, and go to school fulltime. My boyfriend lives 6 hours away with his mom. He's unemployed and trying to get his high school diploma. He comes to visit often enough and our relationship is wonderful outside of 2 interconnected problems: his lack of ambition and him not having a job. If we go on dates I have to pick up the tab or he has to ask his mom for money. It's been hard for him to find a job, he has a weird name, is a drop out, with no work experience. As for his lack of ambition he really doesn't have a plan for his life that he can count on. He sees us together, as he's brought up marriage and children very frequently. But as for a career, he's counting on some big break to become a famous musician and that's just not realistic to me. I feel like the career path Im headed towards just doesn't mesh with the life he wants. As a surgeon I'll be on call for the first couple years most likely, I need someone with a stable job, set hours, that sort. If he's a musician there will be tours, promo, studio time who the hell will raise our children?! Like in what does a RAPPER date a DOCTOR?!?! I'm trying to get him to be realistic, become an audio engineer to at least keep some aspect of the dream alive, go to community college, transfer in to my school to get his bachelors (we have a great program), join ROTC to pay for school so he can have his schooling paid for since he can't get the scholarships I did. I feel like he doesn't want to do that, but is willing to, to make me happy. I want him to do it for himself not me. We're a the point where I'm considering ending things and he thinks I'm ashamed of him. I'm from a cultural background where you're not successful if you're not a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer of some sort and I feel like he has the American Dream culture where anyone can be anything and do what makes you happy. It's a culture CLASH. And it's destroying our almost perfect relationship! HELP ME PLEASE!!
OneBigIdgit Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 perfect relationship?????? on what planet? There are enough red flags there to decorate every toe and finger of the entire Chinese populace. Date casually until you settle into a more approachable lifestyle. That sounds like at least 3-4 yrs. You have your life well structured and hapnin' in regards to the professional side. You don't and won't have time for a shared relationship even with a compatible guy. Delay the marriage and kids plans for at least 3-4 yrs. Dump this guy
Author Lostin_love Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 What red flags am I missing? I have my fair share of problems, that most often send guys running in the opposite direction(emotional red flags) but yet he still accepted me for who I am and chose to love me, even when I didn't love myseld. I owe him a great deal, he taught me how to trust and fall in love again. As for the future, with him or not, I wasn't planning on being married for at least 7 years, I'm 19 now. And I want my first child at 31.
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