Leximom15 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 How to get over the pain of husband leaving I'm just almost 3 months out of husband leaving me. He has moved kinda quickly with wanting separation legal and wanting to get his things from our home. I was completely shocked when he packed a bag and went to his moms bc he ended time to think. I didn't text him or bother him but all he wanted to talk about were our division of property and then threatened to take my car away. After he did this I got a lawyer to protect myself. I did not want the separation and have really been broken over the whole thing. He has texted me " do u want to try counseling or do u want this to be over" I replied with "why 2options? Either you do or you don't". I really did want to try and he also asked if I still loved him. I told him I would always love him. He never really responded to either of my responses. That hurt a lot. It's like he was looking for reassurance but wasn't wanting to actually work on our marriage. I broke down last week and texted him that he has cause to much hurt in mine and my kids life and I hoped he was happy with his choices. Me and my kids moved 4 hours away from our family to be with him 5 years ago after a long distance relationship for 3 years. I gave it my all. He withdrew sex, stopped coming to bed and I lashed out with anger. It hurt so badly to feel unwanted. I did say some things I didn't mean bc I was trying to get his attention. Evidently those are the only things he can say is e cause of him leaving me. I just don't understand how he could just up and leave without even talking or counseling. I tried for months to get him to talk about it, come to bed with me, make love to me... I even went to counseling alone and was seeing a psychiatrist for meds bc I felt something must've wrong with me. I just need some insight from those of you that have been there and how I can get past this pain. Thoughts of him consume me everyday and I need to move on. I will be moving back to my moms in June after school is out. I will be giving up my job and starting over. It all has been so forced upon me. I can't stay here without anyone and he just gets to transition smoothly back into bachelorhood without much disruption at all on his life! Any advice is welcomed and needed.
I4givehim Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 How to get over the pain of husband leaving I'm just almost 3 months out of husband leaving me. He has moved kinda quickly with wanting separation legal and wanting to get his things from our home. I was completely shocked when he packed a bag and went to his moms bc he ended time to think. I didn't text him or bother him but all he wanted to talk about were our division of property and then threatened to take my car away. After he did this I got a lawyer to protect myself. I did not want the separation and have really been broken over the whole thing. He has texted me " do u want to try counseling or do u want this to be over" I replied with "why 2options? Either you do or you don't". I really did want to try and he also asked if I still loved him. I told him I would always love him. He never really responded to either of my responses. That hurt a lot. It's like he was looking for reassurance but wasn't wanting to actually work on our marriage. I broke down last week and texted him that he has cause to much hurt in mine and my kids life and I hoped he was happy with his choices. Me and my kids moved 4 hours away from our family to be with him 5 years ago after a long distance relationship for 3 years. I gave it my all. He withdrew sex, stopped coming to bed and I lashed out with anger. It hurt so badly to feel unwanted. I did say some things I didn't mean bc I was trying to get his attention. Evidently those are the only things he can say is e cause of him leaving me. I just don't understand how he could just up and leave without even talking or counseling. I tried for months to get him to talk about it, come to bed with me, make love to me... I even went to counseling alone and was seeing a psychiatrist for meds bc I felt something must've wrong with me. I just need some insight from those of you that have been there and how I can get past this pain. Thoughts of him consume me everyday and I need to move on. I will be moving back to my moms in June after school is out. I will be giving up my job and starting over. It all has been so forced upon me. I can't stay here without anyone and he just gets to transition smoothly back into bachelorhood without much disruption at all on his life! Any advice is welcomed and needed. Sure he wasn't cheating? A man never leaves unless he has someone to go to. Maybe I am quick to the assumption of cheater due to my situation but it seems to me he ran quickly. I'm sorry to see you in this pain. It is unfortunate that you gave up so much to be with this man and now you have to move again in less than a few years. It sounds as if he has a lot of growing up to do. I wish you the best of luck. Your a strong woman. You've done it before you will do it again. Keep your head up and a smile on your face 1
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 It sounds like he wants you to leave the door open a crack in case he changes his mind (aka if things don't work out with the other woman) and the can come back home to you. Screw that. Either he's in and working on the marriage with you or not. He can't have it both ways and keep you hanging. Sorry that things have worked out this way. 2
Author Leximom15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I do think he has growing up to do. Wasn't ready for the committment it took for me and my children. I'm not 100% sure he cheated but it seems to be the truth if the matter as I feel he wouldn't have left like he did if there weren't someone else. Of course he says there isn't OW but I know he's bound to say that. It's just sickening that you trust someone and they do the things they do for selfishness. It's so destructible to many! He was so selfish now I look back at it. I think he as passive aggressive in nature which contributed to my "crazy" emotions all the time. Just so sad over it. Need to move on I know. It's hard! 1
Yasuandio Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 When a man withdraws intimacy, something is up somewhere. Believe that. It is crazy-making conduct. Your anger is a normal response. Look into Passive-Aggressive behavior and see if any of it rings a bell. Sounds like he is the one with the mental condition that needs treatment. That said, I would advise you to look into the personality types that attract PA's and self-centered types (aka: Narcissists). His call to you for reassurance that you still adore him strikes me as a cry for "Narcissistic Supply." Check the "Critical Readings Pinned Thread" at top of our section (and link at my signature line). On the last postings, there are some links to Sam Vaknin, who explains PA and Narcissism very well - although, in a complex manner. He has a few U-Tubes that specifically describe the personality type that attracts these disordered types: [Typically, it is a female that falls victim] "she," is good-hearted, kind, giving, often naive, over-trusting, issues with boundaries, etc. Vaknin also has U-tubes on how to handle this PA/Narcissist situation if you intend to stay in it. First, and foremost -- you must present yourself, for real, from a position of strength. From your, that doesn't seem to be the case. He has you where he wants you -- clinging with hope. Don't allow him to keep you in a co-dependent state -- this is your chance to break loose. Just my take. Yas 1
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