Do you avoid places, events, activities you once did with ur ex?

[Iluvsushi11]

I do a lot because i still have feelings for him so going to those places or doing those things we once did makes me remember him even more...

I cant go to NYC, i cant go to the arcard, i cant go hiking anymore bc we did that together n i just cant grt him off my mind it hurts so much...

Does anyone else feel/felt like this too ?

[xpaperxcutx]

I haven't gone to any of the places my ex and I have been, but then again, that would mean I can't even go back to my apartment because my ex used to come to my house waiting for me in his car...

 

These places are associated with your ex because you allow yourself to think this way. Yes, it is advisable to avoid these places until you have completely healed, but at the same time don't let past memories dictate your future. When you are ready (given time), you will enjoy these places again, by yourself or with other people.

[artsygirl78]

I do a lot because i still have feelings for him so going to those places or doing those things we once did makes me remember him even more...

I cant go to NYC, i cant go to the arcard, i cant go hiking anymore bc we did that together n i just cant grt him off my mind it hurts so much...

Does anyone else feel/felt like this too ?

 

Yes I have felt this way in the past when I have still had feelings for an ex boyfriend. I do believe that forcing yourself to go to these places when they still act as triggers can really backfire and push your healing backwards, but I also believe - and have experienced - that with time, these feelings fade, and when they do, it is a great idea to go back and claim the space for your own. It is a healing and empowering thing to do when the time is right.

Edited April 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[minimariah]

in the beginning - i did.

but when things got better, ehen i started feeling better and when the pain wasn't so horrible... i started making new memories.

 

i started listening to "our" music and reconnecting that music with new people and new places, i started visiting "our" places and seeing "our" movies and creating new memories.

 

it worked for me - i effectively got rid of him & "disconnected" him from many things that reminded me of him.

[carhill]

I didn't date much when my exW and I split up but, TBH, I didn't give it a second thought and, yup, did end up at places, in activities, etc, etc. that I once did with my exW. Our M was history and the woman in front of me was present tense. I think it was about as uncomplicated as that.

[ApexTitanium]

I can't even set foot in the same city, let alone the places because it hurts so damn much.

My problem is my job requires me to go to the mall we always shopped at, so it hurts every time. Plus the college I go to is the one she did....so that's hard as hell also.

[d0nnivain]

To some extent, we each got "custody" of certain places so out of respect we'd avoid the ones where we knew the other would be. Some places can't be avoided. I would never avoid a whole city, especially one as large as NYC but I might avoid a particular restaurant or activity.

 

 

If it was an activity we did together -- someone mentioned hiking -- if I still loved it, I would just use other trails.

[carhill]

Ha, I remember explaining to the restaurant owner where I had eaten for nearly 20 years, long prior to my exW being on-scene, who the 'new' lady was I was dining with. Naturally, she was curious so I explained. Still eat there. Still would take dates there. Good food and inexpensive.

 

However, as a 20 or 30-something, I doubt things would have gone that easily. Stuff was far more dramatic back then. Time and age afford a different perspective on things.

[ApexTitanium]

To some extent, we each got "custody" of certain places so out of respect we'd avoid the ones where we knew the other would be. Some places can't be avoided. I would never avoid a whole city, especially one as large as NYC but I might avoid a particular restaurant or activity.

 

 

If it was an activity we did together -- someone mentioned hiking -- if I still loved it, I would just use other trails.

 

Its a small city in a large county with many other city's all around it, its not like NYC or something. But we spent all our time together there for the past 5.5 years going to all the stores, restaurants, etc.

[grabaka]

I do a lot because i still have feelings for him so going to those places or doing those things we once did makes me remember him even more...

I cant go to NYC, i cant go to the arcard, i cant go hiking anymore bc we did that together n i just cant grt him off my mind it hurts so much...

Does anyone else feel/felt like this too ?

 

We used to go to bookstores a lot such as Barnes and Noble. We would walk around look at books then when we were finished we would go look for one another so we could leave. I hate going in a bookstore now, makes me sad. Sometimes when I am in a store I imagine to myself I see her from a distance and I am coming to get her so we can leave together. It is really hard so I understand why you avoid those places. Im sure you have a million memories at a million different places so everywhere you turn you see them. I know I do. It worse though when you run into them in one of those places and you make eye contact with them but do not speak and go about your business like complete strangers....Ive experienced that and it ate me up inside. Try to stay strong, it is really really hard to do so....but what other choice do we have?