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Ex broke no contact; asked her to not reach out unless she wants to fix things

vijis15

By vijis15
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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vijis15 New Member

vijis15

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Well, this girl and I dated for 2.5 months. It was surreal, great, the best relationship of my life so far. We both were into each other, really liked each other. During this time there were few minor misunderstandings, which she had ignored. None of them were related to infidelity. I am truly in love with this girl.

 

And over a course of 2 weeks, she ended things. She first suggested that we should restart, take things slow. Maybe she was worried about how intimate/pace at which the relationship grew over a short periods of time. In the end, she ended it. The reasons given were not convincing. I did agree to talk it out, fix those things, give her space, not expect too much. She suddenly had a need for space and I didn't understand that back then. Finally, she ended it. She just had to do it. We both cried, kissed, hugged and ended it. I argued, tried to reason, didn't help. I stopped calling. Kept it to texting and tried to convince her. She didn't budge. She suggested bring friends. That would've been too painful for me - I said no. I initiated no contact, dropped off the radar.

 

I was genuinely in NC mode - that is no stalking, no accidental bumping, no texting/calling.

 

A week later she messaged me in office chat.. I took a long time to reply and she said she was checking on me.. After couple of days, I texted her and we had a nice friendly chat. But that felt so unnatural to me. It was so awkward. At the end of it, I could not pretend.. I told her that she need not check on me, that I stopped talking to her Cuz I needed to heal. I asked her to stay away unless she wants to discuss things, sort out issues and get back together. Cuz it was too painful for me to pretend like friends. I didn't hear from her after that. And I went back to NC right away.

 

Couple of days back we bumped into each other at work and she gave this big smile and wave.. I felt awkward. I just gave her a "why are you even greeting me" look, nodded and turned away. I didn't have it in me to smile.

 

I was with another girl (a friend) when this incident happened. She is my friend and I had introduced them both sometime back. They used to greet each other every day. After this incident, my ex has stopped greeting her/making any small talks with her.

 

Did I send a really strong message? I didn't want any non sense. If she wanted to give it another shot, only then I wanted to be in touch with her. I felt that's the right thing to say because, I can't think of her as just a friend. What is she going through? Will she reach out to me again? Did I blow it? I still love her a lot and miss her very much. But NC it is for now.

Edited by vijis15
Throldur Established Member

Throldur

Posted
Posted
Well, this girl and I dated for 2.5 months. It was surreal, great, the best relationship of my life so far. We both were into each other, really liked each other. During this time there were few minor misunderstandings, which she had ignored. None of them were related to infidelity. I am truly in love with this girl.

 

And over a course of 2 weeks, she ended things. She first suggested that we should restart, take things slow. Maybe she was worried about how intimate/pace at which the relationship grew over a short periods of time. In the end, she ended it. The reasons given were not convincing. I did agree to talk it out, fix those things, give her space, not expect too much. She suddenly had a need for space and I didn't understand that back then. Finally, she ended it. She just had to do it. We both cried, kissed, hugged and ended it. I argued, tried to reason, didn't help. I stopped calling. Kept it to texting and tried to convince her. She didn't budge. She suggested bring friends. That would've been too painful for me - I said no. I initiated no contact, dropped off the radar.

 

I was genuinely in NC mode - that is no stalking, no accidental bumping, no texting/calling.

 

A week later she messaged me in office chat.. I took a long time to reply and she said she was checking on me.. After couple of days, I texted her and we had a nice friendly chat. But that felt so unnatural to me. It was so awkward. At the end of it, I could not pretend.. I told her that she need not check on me, that I stopped talking to her Cuz I needed to heal. I asked her to stay away unless she wants to discuss things, sort out issues and get back together. Cuz it was too painful for me to pretend like friends. I didn't hear from her after that. And I went back to NC right away.

 

Couple of days back we bumped into each other at work and she gave this big smile and wave.. I felt awkward. I just gave her a "why are you even greeting me" look, nodded and turned away. I didn't have it in me to smile.

 

I was with another girl (a friend) when this incident happened. She is my friend and I had introduced them both sometime back. They used to greet each other every day. After this incident, my ex has stopped greeting her/making any small talks with her.

 

Did I send a really strong message? I didn't want any non sense. If she wanted to give it another shot, only then I wanted to be in touch with her. I felt that's the right thing to say because, I can't think of her as just a friend. What is she going through? Will she reach out to me again? Did I blow it? I still love her a lot and miss her very much. But NC it is for now.

 

Only time will tell.

  • Like 1
Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

Posted
Posted

If she ever changes her mind about the relationship, she'll still let you know. You haven't said or done anything that would stop her from doing this.

 

I think it's wise not to go along with her desire for friendly chit-chat or superficial contact. Too bad if she doesn't like it. Avoid her as much as possible and continue your NC.

 

You're doing really well -- keep it up! :)

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vijis15 New Member

vijis15

Posted
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Posted

Thanks Ruby65. What I don't understand is - even after I sent a strict message that I don't want anything to do with her unless she wanted to get back, why did she wave and smile at me?

We had bumped into each other couple of times before - at that point, we both were too sad to smile or greet or nod.

That gesture confused me - was it her way of thanking me for backing off? Or was she sending out feelers?

xinaxxsdertf Established Member

xinaxxsdertf

Posted
Posted
Thanks Ruby65. What I don't understand is - even after I sent a strict message that I don't want anything to do with her unless she wanted to get back, why did she wave and smile at me?

We had bumped into each other couple of times before - at that point, we both were too sad to smile or greet or nod.

That gesture confused me - was it her way of thanking me for backing off? Or was she sending out feelers?

 

I went through this same thing man, ex left me so i went NC and told her not to text me unles she wants to try again. Well a week later she reached out and i took it upon myself to assume this was her wanting me back. it turns out they sometimes feel the need to text you or send signals (maybe they miss you). Or they just try act civil towards you like everything is fine.

 

If she wants you back, she will make clear signs Of it. dont be tragic like me and think you know what they are thinking. My ex only texted me to literally see how i was, even after me telling her to only txt if she wants reconciloation

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vijis15 New Member

vijis15

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Posted (edited)

Thanks for sharing your experience xina!!

 

I hear you. Kind of going through the same. When my ex reached out to me for the first time after a week, she wanted to "check" on me. That's when I clearly told that she need not "check" on me and that's not necessary any more.

 

Like you said, yeah they may do it out of guilt/had a weak moment and were missing you/were ensuring that you didn't get over them in a week's time! That would hurt their ego, no? :)

 

Well, I have decided that I don't want no non sense, no games. I am back to NC and that's best for me. I have even begun to court another girl/proceed into dating soon. I know rebounds are not good, but it keeps me centered, a distraction helps. I've picked up swimming and have set personal goals in the pool.All these are helping me to cope.

 

Do let me know how things progress in your case. It sounds very similar to mine. Let me know if you have a thread running on this. Good luck on your NC! In our case that's the best win win situation. NC might bring them back or NC will help us get over them, move on.

Edited by vijis15
Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

Posted
Posted
Thanks Ruby65. What I don't understand is - even after I sent a strict message that I don't want anything to do with her unless she wanted to get back, why did she wave and smile at me?

We had bumped into each other couple of times before - at that point, we both were too sad to smile or greet or nod.

That gesture confused me - was it her way of thanking me for backing off? Or was she sending out feelers?

 

You're way over-thinking what was likely just a fleeting instinct to be polite.

 

She wasn't deliberately seeking you out or trying to send you a message. She was just being friendly from a distance when she happened to run into you.

 

Means nothing. Let this go. ;)

spiritofjosh Established Member

spiritofjosh

Posted
Posted

To be honest, since she's mentioned being friends when you broke up I feel like she's actually trying to remain friends. I hate to say it but dating for 2.5 months isn't all that long, but everybody is different. You're doing a good job keeping NC because for everybody that's been hurt and has tried it, me included, it isn't easy.

 

The fact you work with her may or may not be of help to you, I reckon. My advice is to act and look as happy as you can muster even if it's fake. Show her you aren't hurting and that you are strong then she may remember the person she first started dating.

  • Like 1
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vijis15 New Member

vijis15

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Posted (edited)

@Ruby: god, you're brutally honest and I appreciate that. I should listen to you since you're a woman and you have a better idea of how women think. I've let it go. Staying NC. I don't want anything to do with a person who broke my heart no matter how well they mean.

 

I bumped into her today as well. I just said a "hey" and turned away.

 

@Josh: NC is the only win win solution for me. It'll either allow me to move on or make her change her mind (odds of which are low - agree Ruby? :))) and yes, we work in the same firm, but in entirely different departments. We don't have to interact professionally at all!

 

Thanks for your support guys. Means a lot.

Edited by vijis15
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