kitkatleen Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So me and my SO have been dating for a year. It was going really smoothly, he loved me so much. So it started going downhill from march.. Both sides having stress. I was dealing with work stress & he was dealing with his exams/work. So we started fighting alot & he became distant.. And i got even more paranoid because i needed him and he was distant. We talked & argued many times about it and here we are, he said he don't feel the same anymore. He needs me, he still loves me but he don't feel the same as he did for me as before. I guess this fits the "i love you but i'm not in love with you". He asked for a break up and told me he don't love me anymore & because he know he's hurting me but he came back immediately because he needs me in his life and he wants to work on his feelings for me. I've been really understanding & i guess he feels worse as he knew how hurt i was yet i'm still there for him. He's worth it but he's so stressful nowadays. What can i do? I tried to be loving but he's still "cold" as compared to the past. His finals will be end of apr and work have starting to get better. Is this relationship doomed? We are working it out now but i don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on someone so amazing.. Do feelings really not come back?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So me and my SO have been dating for a year. It was going really smoothly, he loved me so much. So it started going downhill from march.. Both sides having stress. I was dealing with work stress & he was dealing with his exams/work. So we started fighting alot & he became distant.. And i got even more paranoid because i needed him and he was distant. We talked & argued many times about it and here we are, he said he don't feel the same anymore. He needs me, he still loves me but he don't feel the same as he did for me as before. I guess this fits the "i love you but i'm not in love with you". He asked for a break up and told me he don't love me anymore & because he know he's hurting me but he came back immediately because he needs me in his life and he wants to work on his feelings for me. I've been really understanding & i guess he feels worse as he knew how hurt i was yet i'm still there for him. He's worth it but he's so stressful nowadays. What can i do? I tried to be loving but he's still "cold" as compared to the past. His finals will be end of apr and work have starting to get better. Is this relationship doomed? We are working it out now but i don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on someone so amazing.. Do feelings really not come back? You need to knock him off the pedestal first. He's not that amazing if he's distant and then tells you he wants to break up, but that he needs you. That is not fair to you. If he wants to break up, so be it...but he shouldn't then be coming back and saying he "needs" you. He was ready to give up on you so you need to be careful moving forward. I think you can still be loving without giving too much. Be cautious not to throw yourself at him; you need to protect your own heart too. Give each other some space for a little while. Feelings don't tend to magically come back, but the added stress and pressure of external circumstances could be highlighting pre-existing problems. If this exam period passes and it's not improving, then yes, it's probably time to pull the plug. 2
Author kitkatleen Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 You need to knock him off the pedestal first. He's not that amazing if he's distant and then tells you he wants to break up, but that he needs you. That is not fair to you. If he wants to break up, so be it...but he shouldn't then be coming back and saying he "needs" you. He was ready to give up on you so you need to be careful moving forward. I think you can still be loving without giving too much. Be cautious not to throw yourself at him; you need to protect your own heart too. Give each other some space for a little while. Feelings don't tend to magically come back, but the added stress and pressure of external circumstances could be highlighting pre-existing problems. If this exam period passes and it's not improving, then yes, it's probably time to pull the plug. I am cautious, i've been "pulling back" but being supportive at the same time. But i do have days that i feel ****ty, especially when he neglects me. I know it isn't fair but i still choose to go back with him & work it out. I figured the added stress etc have been making it worse & he can't focus on his feelings. He's the type who can't focus on 2 things as well. I'm giving myself till the end of his exams. Of course i am still wary that he's just needing me because he's down now. I'm confused that's why i am seeking advice here... It hurts badly but i can't just leave him, not at this time.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So when he needs you he'll be there, but where is he when you need him? Cut this one loose OP. 3
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