smellysocksuni Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Hey, I'm pleased to be in this part of the forum instead of the break up part, for once. I've just started talking to this girl and we've had each other's numbers for two days. We've been talking pretty much constantly via WhatsApp and over the phone - I've done it because It's the weekend and I'm just happy to talk to someone however, this girl is being very full on - very intense and very clingy. I've experienced this before, and it never ends well. This smacks of BPD or some other disorder but the issue is - I'm sort of talking to her as a distraction from my ex, and it's nice to have someone telling me they like me after feeling so terrible for four months after my ex left me. However, I'm apprehensive about all this intensity. It never lasts.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So ease off on replying. You do have some power here, so use it. You don't need to be rude, but you can scale back on the level of communication. If you're only using this as a distraction, however, it might be wise to drop contact completely since that's not fair to her.
Popsicle Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Hey, I'm pleased to be in this part of the forum instead of the break up part, for once. I've just started talking to this girl and we've had each other's numbers for two days. We've been talking pretty much constantly via WhatsApp and over the phone - I've done it because It's the weekend and I'm just happy to talk to someone however, this girl is being very full on - very intense and very clingy. I've experienced this before, and it never ends well. This smacks of BPD or some other disorder but the issue is - I'm sort of talking to her as a distraction from my ex, and it's nice to have someone telling me they like me after feeling so terrible for four months after my ex left me. However, I'm apprehensive about all this intensity. It never lasts. What does she say or do that's so clingy? If it's true that "it doesn't last" then you have nothing to worry about, right? I don't agree that you should back off. Just go with it.
Author smellysocksuni Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 So ease off on replying. You do have some power here, so use it. You don't need to be rude, but you can scale back on the level of communication. If you're only using this as a distraction, however, it might be wise to drop contact completely since that's not fair to her. No, I mean I do like her actually - we do 'click' - I didn't mean using her, I mean it's actually helping me to get over her. I think I'm scared of being hurt again. What does she say or do that's so clingy? If it's true that "it doesn't last" then you have nothing to worry about, right? I don't agree that you should back off. Just go with it. She says a lot of things like "I'm not letting you get off the phone just yet" - I don't know, maybe those sort of things are normal
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 No, I mean I do like her actually - we do 'click' - I didn't mean using her, I mean it's actually helping me to get over her. I think I'm scared of being hurt again. She says a lot of things like "I'm not letting you get off the phone just yet" - I don't know, maybe those sort of things are normal I don't think that's so bad, really. Sounds like she's trying to flirt with you. Having dated a man diagnosed with BPD, I can assure you that the clinginess rears its head in other more alarming ways. That comment, in and of itself, seems pretty benign. Roll with it for now but don't feel you always need to respond immediately. You can slow down the pace and still show interest.
Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 It's too early to tell if she has issues yet, you need to know her longer to see if she shows a pattern. You are doing the right thing by dating, it's good therapy. And if you are concerned it's going to crash and burn, talk to another woman as well... if you multidate and have someone to fall back on, it will lessen the sting of rejection. 2
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