Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) "Long story short, i got blindsided about three months ago by my ex gf, I got back from college and all of the sudden she blindsided me. So initially I begged her to back off from her disicion and take me back, she said she wishes we stay friends for ever and that she's terribly sorry that it was a surprise for me, as she saw us growing a part for a while. She reasoned the breakup by saying she doesn't love me anymore. Any how, I embarked on NC and have maintained it for over a 2 months now, yet I'm still waiting her to reach out to me, also i have seen her hanging out w/her friends and that has totally broken me down- as she's moving on and i'm virtually stuck. 1) Will she contact me? has she forgotten about me ? 2) How do I know if I want her or just any GF? 3) How do I move on? Thank you in advance, John! Edited April 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator poster request~T
Ruby65 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Hi and welcome. I'm sure she hasn't forgotten you after only a month. No one can say whether or not she'll contact you in the future, but your best bet is to carry on as if this isn't going to happen. Keep moving forward and try to avoid situations where you're likely to run into her. Here's a guide that will help you with moving on: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you Ruby! I haven't seen her since the BU, I have this thought in the back of my head- that on the one hand I don't want to know what she's up to so I can heal and fortify my heart, and on the other hand that I need to see her moving on for it to destroy me so I can detach from the illusion that she'll turn around. What do I do about it?
marcelo.santos Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 1) Will she contact me? has she forgotten about me ? Assume a "no" as answer for your question and move on - if she contacts you, this do not means that she wants you back or that it will work again. 2) How do I know if I want her or just any GF? You probably want a GF that you love - she is the only one available in this conditions right now - but if you move on you will find someone that you love again. You need to heal yourself before loving again. 3) How do I move on? upgrade your NC to a real NC: stop getting news from her life like you did that she is hanging out with friends - go NC! it works but takes some time to heal. 2
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) upgrade your NC to a real NC: stop getting news from her life like you did that she is hanging out with friends - go NC! it works but takes some time to heal. I haven't mentioned this but we dated for 3 and a half years. I have unfollowed her and her relatives and most of her friends, that piece of news got to me because i saw them there. Edited April 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Posters request~T
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She has not forgotten you but she will not contact you. She's had longer to get used to the idea of being apart which is why she seems to be doing better. After 2 years you miss the good times with her & you do want a happy healthy relationship. Since by her choice you can't have her, you need to realize that your focus has to be on mourning the loss of this relationship which may take longer then a month & moving on in a healthy positive way. You can do this. It will simply take time. Hang in there. 1
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 She has not forgotten you but she will not contact you. She's had longer to get used to the idea of being apart which is why she seems to be doing better. Why won't she contact me ? why the dead silence?
ZiggyZoo Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Why won't she contact me ? why the dead silence? Because she broke up with you and is moving on with her life, without you in it. Best to respect her wishes AND heal yourself and go NC. 1
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Because she broke up with you and is moving on with her life, without you in it. Best to respect her wishes AND heal yourself and go NC. "She has said she thinks the solution is to sever any and all contact. what if I want her back ?" Edited April 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator poster request~T
xpaperxcutx Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 You're asking all the "what-if" questions that a dumpee asks when you are not focusing on doing things that makes you happy. You're projecting your own personal happiness onto your ex and your past relationship. There are no answers, and if you are trying to control the outcome ("she's gonna come back", " We belong together" , etc) you're the only one who is suffering. I can tell you one thing- exes come back when you least expects it. I had an ex come back after a year when I was in a loving relationship. Or better still, sometimes exes don't come back. But by then you will have realized the world is so much bigger without them. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) "She has said she thinks the solution is to sever any and all contact. what if I want her back ?" It's not up to you though. There's nothing you can do to make her change her mind, and a lot that you can do to push her even further away. She wants distance, and like I said, the best thing you can do is give her that and leave it be. Edited April 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 It's not up to you though. There's nothing you can do to make her change her mind, and a lot that you can do to push her even further away. She wants distance, and like I said, the best thing you can do is give her that and leave it be. Why should I consider her wishes and feelings if she didn't give a flying f*** about mine ?
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) "She has said she thinks the solution is to sever any and all contact. what if I want her back ?" I am sorry to be so blunt but TOUGH! She dumped you, you didn't dump her, you have no say in the matter. She said she doesnt love you any more, you have to believe her, hard may it be for you. She is silent, because she has nothing left to say to you, the relationship is finished. Any communication from her gives you hope and she doesn't want to give you hope. The only way she will return to you is if she contacts you at some point and says "I am sorry I made a mistake, let's get back together", otherwise you have no chance. NC is the way to go for you. Edited April 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Johnreese Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I am sorry to be so blunt but TOUGH! She dumped you, you didn't dump her, you have no say in the matter. She said she doesnt love you any more, you have to believe her, hard may it be for you. She is silent, because she has nothing left to say to you, the relationship is finished. Any communication from her gives you hope and she doesn't want to give you hope. The only way she will return to you is if she contacts you at some point and says "I am sorry I made a mistake, let's get back together", otherwise you have no chance. NC is the way to go for you. I need closure, to me it was a bombshell from one day to the other, I know that I can shove that closure up my a**, I have a wish for her to come back even for me to turn her down, not hearing from her doesn't let me feel that the relationship is truly dead as it wasn't a gradual process and ended abruptly.
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I need closure, to me it was a bombshell from one day to the other, I know that I can shove that closure up my a**, I have a wish for her to come back even for me to turn her down, not hearing from her doesn't let me feel that the relationship is truly dead as it wasn't a gradual process and ended abruptly. There is no closure surer than silence, I am afraid. She is not speaking to you and moving on with her life, what other clues do you need?
ZiggyZoo Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Why should I consider her wishes and feelings if she didn't give a flying f*** about mine ? You don't know her feelings at all. Chances are, she agonized over the decision to end it with you for months before she did. So THAT'S why it looks to you like she blindsided you. She's just had longer to get used to the idea, but I'll bet it wasn't an easy one for her at all. And chances also are that she's avoiding you and wants distance because she's hurting too. 1
Author Johnreese Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 How can I win her back? I can't bear the thought of her being with someone else
seminoles84 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 How can I win her back? I can't bear the thought of her being with someone else Are you even paying attention? You need to implement No Contact and figure out why you are so dependent on her for your happiness. You'll only push her away if you contact her and pressure her. I know cause it happened to me. Don't make the same mistake.
SoftViolin Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Give yourself some space, OP - from thinking and agonizing about this failed relationship. You clearly need some perspective and are unable to get it standing this close and pondering ways to get her back. Who knows what happened - maybe she ended it because she fell out of love, maybe she was interested in someone else, or it could be dozens of other reasons. Chances are indeed that she is hurting. I will give you a personal example. I just recently ended a relationship because it wasn't right for many reasons. This breakup came out of the blue for my ex as well, even though we have been discussing the issues for months. Right now I am hurting and sad, because I lost a relationship and a friend. I catch myself wanting to talk to him, but I know that now we both need distance and perspective - to reevaluate where things went wrong and where to go next. Wounds are too fresh to attempt any sort of contact or friendship. Same for you - take the time to heal. Get out and do something new. Meet new people, even if everything inside you cringes with internal pain while you do it. Pain will lessen and when you least expect it, it will go away. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 How can I win her back? I can't bear the thought of her being with someone else You can't win her back. And if you try, by sending any messages or calling or anything, it'll backfire. Like I've said twice before, if she requested space, you have to give it to her. Otherwise you'll drive her further away. But right now, there's nothing you can say or do that's going to change her mind. SoftViolin is absolutely right, you need to step back and not do anything until your emotions about this aren't all over the place. Just yesterday, less than 24 hours ago, you were asking why you should give a f*ck about her feelings, and now you want her back? If you try to go after her swinging between desperate and angry like this it'll be a disaster. 1
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