sharp9 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 The first date went really well, we set up the second date during the first and she texted me and thanked me after she got home. When she agreed to the second date she used the phrase "yeah, Saturday night should work", so that sounds a little ambiguous. But I essentially considered it a date. She cancelled because she was out with her family and said "perhaps another time instead?". Now I might be reading in to this too much but rather than offer up a potential time she just said "another time". I kept cool and just texted back "OK, we'll figure something out". Part of me feels like the ball is in her court and it's on her to contact me and reschedule. So what do you think?
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 It isn't clearly in her court. It would have been if you had said something like "OK, let me know another time that's good for you" or something similar. The way you worded it, she could still assume you are going to set something else up. I'm guessing you're both young, in which case her aloofness isn't that surprising. If you really like her, wait a little bit and try to set something else up and see how she reacts. If you're only slightly into her, wait for her to make contact next and see where it goes.
Author sharp9 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 It isn't clearly in her court. It would have been if you had said something like "OK, let me know another time that's good for you" or something similar. The way you worded it, she could still assume you are going to set something else up. I'm guessing you're both young, in which case her aloofness isn't that surprising. If you really like her, wait a little bit and try to set something else up and see how she reacts. If you're only slightly into her, wait for her to make contact next and see where it goes. We're both in our mid 30's if that makes any difference.
Arieswoman Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 OP, why not ask her straight out for another date, then you'll know where you stand? 1
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 We're both in our mid 30's if that makes any difference. It does in my mind. I could see someone in high school ending up with the family when they had a date planned and having to cancel. As an adult getting an "I'm out with my family, when I had a date scheduled with you, some other time maybe?" seems like a pretty bad sign. Worst case, she isn't into you. Best case, she is clueless and can't keep plans she makes. In both cases, I'd be done. The one exception being the family she is out with is her kids and something came up/the divorced dad didn't show up to take custody when he was supposed to. 1
Author sharp9 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 It does in my mind. I could see someone in high school ending up with the family when they had a date planned and having to cancel. As an adult getting an "I'm out with my family, when I had a date scheduled with you, some other time maybe?" seems like a pretty bad sign. Worst case, she isn't into you. Best case, she is clueless and can't keep plans she makes. In both cases, I'd be done. The one exception being the family she is out with is her kids and something came up/the divorced dad didn't show up to take custody when he was supposed to. She doesn't have any kids.
CC12 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 As an adult getting an "I'm out with my family, when I had a date scheduled with you, some other time maybe?" seems like a pretty bad sign. Worst case, she isn't into you. Best case, she is clueless and can't keep plans she makes. In both cases, I'd be done. The one exception being the family she is out with is her kids and something came up/the divorced dad didn't show up to take custody when he was supposed to. I agree with this. If she were excited about seeing you, OP, she would have made it a point to be available for the date you kinda-sorta made. Personally, I think it was pretty clear that she did agree to meet Saturday, but I think she left it sort of ambiguous on purpose by saying that Saturday "should work" in case she wanted to do something else. That's not really a great sign, but if you really like her and want to give her the benefit of the doubt, ask her out again. But for the future, when you schedule a date with anyone, don't just say "Let's meet up Saturday night." You should say, "Saturday night at 7 and I'll pick you up" or whatever. Be specific. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She feels "meh" about you. Trying to force herself but just not feeling the spark. You still may get somewhere if she gets desperate enough.
Author sharp9 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 She feels "meh" about you. Trying to force herself but just not feeling the spark. You still may get somewhere if she gets desperate enough. So here's the funny thing, these are direct quotes from her OLD profile: Integrity and loyalty are of paramount importance in my life. You will never have to wonder whether I am on your side. I will stick it out through the worst and celebrate through the best of things. I am a great communicator and you'll always know where you stand with me. No passive-aggressive energy here. 1
ZA Dater Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 OP, why not ask her straight out for another date, then you'll know where you stand? Agree, no harm in asking.
kendahke Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She cancelled because she was out with her family and said "perhaps another time instead?". She was already out and about with her family and time got away from her (it is a religious/family weekend after all for those who celebrate it) and she didn't want to leave or did she make those plans with her family at the last minute and scuttle those with you because she didn't want to be bothered with you? Big difference there. And being in one's 30's has nothing to do with what level of familial interaction they may have. If you're not close to your family, then yeah, it would look like a slight. If you're close to your family, especially on this weekend, then you wouldn't be quite so bitter about it. 1
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She cancelled because she was out with her family and said "perhaps another time instead?". And your job was to answer with: Yes I am free following Thursday about you? Simple as that! Yes she should have or could have but not all women are assertive and communicative. To me her *?* indicates she was looking to reschedule with you. So offer her another time and place. 2
devilish innocent Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I actually see how it could look worse if she did suggest another potential time right away. It could be like saying, "I have to cancel on you because something better came along, but I have an opening in my busy schedule between the hours of 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm on Saturday, April 11. If you can accommodate yourself to my needs and make yourself available during that particular time, then I'd be willing to fit you in." She was feeling bad that she had to cancel and wanted you to know that she was still interested in meeting you again. I don't think there's anything more to read beyond that. She might have even intended to set something up after saying that, but your response would have pushed her back from that. I don't think it's clear that the ball is back in her court. I think you should ask her out again. I'm pretty sure she'll agree to something.
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So here's the funny thing, these are direct quotes from her OLD profile: Integrity and loyalty are of paramount importance in my life. You will never have to wonder whether I am on your side. I will stick it out through the worst and celebrate through the best of things. I am a great communicator and you'll always know where you stand with me. No passive-aggressive energy here. She lied on her profile. At best she's self delusional. She's hardly straightforward or a great communicator. You could try one more time because she said, perhaps another time. I'd remind her of that & allude to her profile when you ask. Give her the clear opportunity to say no thank you. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 OP the ball isnt clearly in her court the way you worded it. Also the way she was ambiguous about Saturday you shouldn't have expected it to be solid plans. Go cold on her for 2 more days and then ask her if she wants to get together again. Unless she commits to plans this time around (no "it should work") then cut her loose.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Two major strikes here. 1) She said Sat "should" work. This is a non-committal phrase. When a woman is interested, she gives you a definite yes. 2) Family time is usually planned ahead. So she purposely agreed to a night where she knew she'd be busy. If I was in your position, I'd wait for her to reach out to me. I wouldn't pursue a woman showing low interest. However, you have to remember that you're the man. It's up to you to plan dates. So if she reaches out to touch base, you need to cut to the chase and say "Great to hear from you! When are you free to get together?" If she reaches out, and you just chit chat expecting her to ask you out, you've got another thing coming..LOL When a woman is invested, she'll be the most loyal thoughtful person in your life. She'll love to do things for her man. Ex - My new GF paid for dinner yesterday, spent all night seducing me, and then asked when I could see her again. Sounds like a fantasy come true right? But the reason my woman respects me so much, is because I handled things properly. In the beginning, you need to be the man and take the reigns. Edited April 5, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 A lot of women won't ask for the dates in the beginning, you have to do it. Put her on probation for two weeks then ask for another date. Not on the weekend, she's busy.
jen1447 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She feels "meh" about you. Trying to force herself but just not feeling the spark. You still may get somewhere if she gets desperate enough. Yep. I'd just add that I'd leave it if I were you, mainly just bc she's (maybe inadvertently) left you in the unenviable position of having to appear to be a bit of a failure/fringe needy guy by persisting. If a super secure guy got this response, he'd take it as "cut my losses and go," which ironically is a response she'd find more appealing from you. So pushing for a followup date might be less than welcome and result in my "um we'll see maybe if I can't think of anything else to do possibly," while letting it go might result in her contacting you instead all excited.
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