i am gutted Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 it has been five weeks since I asked him to leave. 2013 I found he had sex with someone he met online......he was away for one night and I asked him to come home. we went to counselling together..tried to move on with what had happened and forgive. March last year I found a secret phone with a number of female contacts, photos of him, them, alsorts of stuff. Tried to move on from that as well, he said he got rid of the phone. The whore he slept with was one of the contacts. so since july 2013 I had become much more suspicious about everything, things were turbulent at times, a few good times but not like it was. this January I saw him on a phone which was not his work phone, ( was spying) I hit him up about it and he threw back at me that he had enough and he ran off. then I found a laptop. found that we was definitely back online on the site he was on before plus another dating site. Found the password and read the emails he was sending other women asking them if they wanted to meet up. So all this time, he was never committed to our marriage. devastated is about the only word I could say. he has gone, found a place to live, I have struggled with this for a long time, I do miss him, am trying hard not to contact him but have faltered a few times. 27 years together and married for 20. son is 19 and daughter is 16 this month. I wish that I hated him - I think it would make it a lot easier to let him go. he seems to have moved on easily and he said to me yesterday that I need to move on. I found that quite hurtful as I cant help but think about everything we have done together. obviously he is not interested in me anymore. I am 43 this year, since I was 16 I was with him. I hate the thought of him being with someone else, but there are too many lies and deception to forgive this time. all the times I asked him if he was online or had the phone or a computer he would say he had nothing........ just don't get it.
LoveMyCat Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 It will be painful for a while...but eventually the fact that he is a lying cheating *#^%} will sink in and you will start to be glad he is someone else's problem. You deserve so much better than being with a person who shows you so little regard. Much better to be on your own, making your own life. Mske time to do things you like, cook things you love, spend time with your kids, friends, pets. If you can make time, do a day of volunteer work. Go to the library. Just keep busy, eat well and go to counseling until you feel stronger. 2
I4givehim Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 it has been five weeks since I asked him to leave. 2013 I found he had sex with someone he met online......he was away for one night and I asked him to come home. we went to counselling together..tried to move on with what had happened and forgive. March last year I found a secret phone with a number of female contacts, photos of him, them, alsorts of stuff. Tried to move on from that as well, he said he got rid of the phone. The whore he slept with was one of the contacts. so since july 2013 I had become much more suspicious about everything, things were turbulent at times, a few good times but not like it was. this January I saw him on a phone which was not his work phone, ( was spying) I hit him up about it and he threw back at me that he had enough and he ran off. then I found a laptop. found that we was definitely back online on the site he was on before plus another dating site. Found the password and read the emails he was sending other women asking them if they wanted to meet up. So all this time, he was never committed to our marriage. devastated is about the only word I could say. he has gone, found a place to live, I have struggled with this for a long time, I do miss him, am trying hard not to contact him but have faltered a few times. 27 years together and married for 20. son is 19 and daughter is 16 this month. I wish that I hated him - I think it would make it a lot easier to let him go. he seems to have moved on easily and he said to me yesterday that I need to move on. I found that quite hurtful as I cant help but think about everything we have done together. obviously he is not interested in me anymore. I am 43 this year, since I was 16 I was with him. I hate the thought of him being with someone else, but there are too many lies and deception to forgive this time. all the times I asked him if he was online or had the phone or a computer he would say he had nothing........ just don't get it. I know how you feel. It's an awful thing to be cheated on.... Karma that's all I have to say...... Let him go. You don't want to spend the rest of your life watching over him. He will get the STD he deserves from one of those lovely, up standing citizens he is sleeping with..... It's all about you time. Go out have a good time. You deserve it. Keep yourself busy.
beach Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Sty positive. At least now you have a chance to meet a decent man - one who may think about you more than himself. It looks like this will be better for you. I hope you think this is a gift to yourself. 1
oldshirt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 . he seems to have moved on easily and he said to me yesterday that I need to move on. . This is the one thing that he has said that was honest and legit. 1
Author i am gutted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 It will be painful for a while...but eventually the fact that he is a lying cheating *#^%} will sink in and you will start to be glad he is someone else's problem. You deserve so much better than being with a person who shows you so little regard. Much better to be on your own, making your own life. Mske time to do things you like, cook things you love, spend time with your kids, friends, pets. If you can make time, do a day of volunteer work. Go to the library. Just keep busy, eat well and go to counseling until you feel stronger. Yeup, pretty painful to say the least. never thought he would do this. just the fact that he said to move on peeved me off a bit yesterday - so easy for him to. but I was told that he has had it in his head for a long time about what he doing and looking back, yes he mentally checked out of our marriage a long time ago. I hate what he has done so much - not the man I married. am trying to keep busy, but the last couple of days have been a bit hard as I have wanted to contact him or go over to his place...........I had my first counselling session last week. was pretty good, got to vent a lot.
Author i am gutted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 This is the one thing that he has said that was honest and legit. sadly I think you are right. he was having his cake and eating it. doing what he was doing and still coming home to cooked meals, washing done and his kids. still cant answer me why - although he did say we drifted apart. cliché much? but he drifted - not us. I am pissed about that. 1
Author i am gutted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I know how you feel. It's an awful thing to be cheated on.... Karma that's all I have to say...... Let him go. You don't want to spend the rest of your life watching over him. He will get the STD he deserves from one of those lovely, up standing citizens he is sleeping with..... It's all about you time. Go out have a good time. You deserve it. Keep yourself busy. I have to let him go I know......I was spending all my spare time watching what he was doing and going mental, searching for him online, looking for his secretive stuff. I did get myself tested and all came back normal thank god. he has always said that he only had the one, but after reading the emails he was sending, I highly doubt that now. I believed him so much and unfortunately, feel like the village idiot.
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I'm sorry for your pain. Losing the life that you shared with him is a big loss. You were with him for many years, since you were 16 so of course it's not going to be easy to move on so quickly. Nobody expects you to get over him and find someone else over night. It takes time, grieving and growth before that can happen. Take each day as it comes, good or bad. Though I hope you have more good days than bad ones. 2
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