I don't think I'm in love with my boyfriend anymore, but I'm scared of losing him.

[BornToDie]

My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years with a 3 month long breakup somewhere in the middle. We've lived together since last summer with no problems, but from the beginning of this year, I've felt myself falling out of love with him (or so I think).

 

It started pretty gradually, and I mostly thought I was going through a phase. I recently turned 22, and since then, I see everyone around me getting married or having children, and it scares me. My boyfriend wants to get married and is consistently talking about our upcoming future. I did want this at first, but now I'm just not sure.

 

Right now, I enjoy going out with my close friends. My boyfriend, who hates going out, guilt trips me and blows up my phone. When I get home, he talks about how I "left him" and how he had nothing to do while I was gone. He's come out with me a few times, but he follows me around the entire time and says he has no interest in speaking to "those people" I talk to, "no matter how nice they may be." He is completely content with sitting at home and doing nothing, but he expects me to do the same.

 

At times, I just feel he acts downright childish when he's angry with me. When I once tried to talk to him about a situation, he ignored me, went into the bathroom, and pretended he didn't hear me. Another time, when we were sitting together, he started a timer on his phone and then announced, "this is how long it's been since you haven't said anything to me." He's admitted to me that he has an issue with watching more porn than he's comfortable with, but it's impacted our sex life, and he once told me that "since you're doing what you want, I did what I wanted" by watching it and not having sex with me.

 

I feel that he's being needy and tries to pull me closer if I want independence. However, this situation is hard for me because when the two of us spend time together, despite me not feeling as though I'm in love anymore, I still enjoy his company. He still makes me laugh, and I still consider him to be my best friend. I know breaking up with him may burn this bridge. Expectedly, I'm close to his family. His parents have taken care of me in rough times and consider me to be "part of the family," and his siblings are two of my best friends. I don't have very much family, and ending this relationship would mean letting them go, too.

 

My boyfriend has told me that he feels like he needs me to be happy. IMO, this is a red flag because needing someone for happiness is unhealthy; you should want them instead.

 

I feel unhappy in my situation and am very scared that I'll burn so many bridges and end up regretting it in the future, realizing that I do love him after all. Furthermore, it's been years since I've been single, and I'm honestly scared to be. The thought of one day starting over again in an attempt to connect with someone the way I once did with my SO feels so much more terrifying than my current situation.

 

Should I end this, and if so, how?

[Poppyolive]

I think you should end it, gracefully. It sounds toxic and have grown apart. You could either decide to share up abd together, put the work in or walk away, without looking back.

 

Let him go free, to heal and move on. Let yourself free, to heal and move on. I'm sure there are more suitable partners for each of you.

 

You're only 22, go traveling. Experience the world around you.

[Mrin]

Scared of losing a guy that you don't love anymore and who is getting increasingly needy and childish? That's not what you should be scared of honey. You should be scared of continuing on in this relationship, feeling claustrophobic, limited and eventually HATING him. And pissing away precious years in the process. Or getting pregnant by man you can't stand.

 

You should do both him and you a favor and end it. Give you both some room to grow.

[Mrin]

Forgot you asked how. Just sit him down and end it. Tell him you need to be on your own. That you'll always cherish his memory but it is now time to close this chapter. You two simply outgrew each other. 5 or 10 minutes tops. Do it in a public place like a park. Be certain in your words. Do not leave any openings. Do not try to convince him to see it your way. You are just there to tell him, not convince him.

 

Consider going no contact afterwards.

[SSM3]

You are 22 y/o chill.

 

Don't worry, go and enjoy yourself before you get married and have kids. You are too young for all that