Gaeta Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I met this nice gentleman this morning. The meeting went well, he's nice looking, beautiful smile that grabs your attention. The only thing is he needs a major make over. The shirt he had on had expired its life expectancy a long time ago, it had been washed so many times it was see-through, the shirt was baby-blue and he picked a brown undershirt, the undershirt was stretched and over washed as well. He also wore his work coat, sigh. The kind with the company name printed in big all over. He was not coming out of work. Let me say I am not a fashion guru and I don't care about the name on your clothes tag as long as you are clean and well put together. It's not about him not being trendy it's about being decent looking. I think I just spoke myself out of it, sigh. What you think?
GemmaUK Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Um...have you never had a make over shopping date? You have to wait a little bit..2/3 dates and before you know it he becomes aware that he isn't dressed as well as you and he points it out and asks if you wouldn't mind helping him..and make sure he tells you his budget. Only to be done if you like the guy of course otherwise going on dates you would be seen as leading him on if you aren't into him. The thing is that first impressions (generally speaking) but also what a man wears matter more to women than they do to men - but most men are unaware of that or seem oblivious.
carhill Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Tip: Men are generally more amenable to clothing makeovers after sex However, younger guys might be more amenable, in general, than old farts who are pretty set in their ways. I keep up with trends by friend's wives shopping for me. No shame! 1
Author Gaeta Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I am not even talking trendy here, just decent clothes that have not been washed 200 times already.
preraph Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) You can try, but some guys will never let you do it. The three I loved, two were actually flamboyant, which I love. It was all part of the times. One would borrow my vintage velvets and stuff. One worked on his own style and always looked wonderful, so there was nothing to fix. Then one, you can't get into a tie or anything the least bit flamboyant all these years even though he's like VP of a major entertainment division now. I don't know how he gets away with it. I'd give a nickel to know if his wife has tried. Right now he needs to dye his hair because his gray is coming in very weird. I'd make him fix that. I may anyway even though it's not my place now. He wouldn't even wear trousers instead of jeans until the fertility doctor told him to. Some men, if they don't have a chip on their shoulder about being macho, will let their wives pick out their clothes. But others dig in and won't budge. Edited April 4, 2015 by preraph
CrystalCastles Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 My bf was cut from the same cloth. Shirts with holes, tatty jeans, sneakers with holes oh man! We had a little chat about that. I said, I really like it when men dress up for dates. I have seen you dress up and you look really good! *wink wink*. He got the picture fast, I didn't have to take him clothing shopping either. He did have good taste, when he wasn't being lazy. I also found that dropping hints works too. Like if I see some guy on the bus wearing something nice, I'd be like, oooh! His shirt is nice! Or, look, that guy's shoes are so nice! Or, oh! I love this style of coat on men! Then my bf would take the hint and go buy that thing or something like it when he went shopping next. And then I'd shower him with compliments of course. I think lots of compliments and hints and maybe straight up, "I like it when you wear __________, you look so good in it!" works. 4
GemmaUK Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I'm quite amazed by the other replies here..some of my make overs have just been male friends who would never be more (due to situations). I have been asked for make overs stacks of times by men. I have only done six so far. Only two of them were men I dated and only one of them was I sexual with in anyway.
ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 My opinion on this is any guy should be receptive of change and tolerant of compromise. If I were him I would be fairly happy for someone to help me, within reason and if you do it properly it could be a nice way to get to know him better and establish some communication. 1
Penguin_hugs Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 You could just make hints in a subtle way and get him the occasional gift? For example- my BF didn't have many clothes at all when I first met him. Maybe 5 t shirts tops? 2 of which I hated the colour of- one was bright orange and the other was yellow and blue striped- he looked like a bumble bee! Now for every birthday/ christmas etc I get him a new jumper or t shirt in the colours I prefer (red and blue) and over exaggerate how much I like the colours on him even my Mum has joined in and bought him jumpers Now my choices are his favourites and I haven't seen the bumble bee monstrosity for around 6 months and the orange one has been reduced to night attire 1
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I think if you had felt some genuine chemistry with him ..beyond looks or how he dressed, you would be more inclined to cut him some slack and give him a chance. Emotionally connecting is the hard part, once you've established that, you can advise him on his wardrobe. But if you didn't feel it, you didn't feel it. Or are you willing to see him again..and see how it goes? Your 2-3 date rule?
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I think if you had felt some genuine chemistry with him ..beyond looks or how he dressed, you would be more inclined to cut him some slack and give him a chance. Emotionally connecting is the hard part, once you've established that, you can advise him on his wardrobe. But if you didn't feel it, you didn't feel it. Or are you willing to see him again..and see how it goes? Your 2-3 date rule? To add...look at the bright side. At least his clothes were clean and he knows how to do laundry! +1 for him!
ManyDissapoint Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Are you looking for a man, or a mannequin? 1
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 You can but it takes a while. When I met DH he owned 1 pair of cheap shoes & some polyester shirts. I showed him the wonders of comfy shoes & natural fabrics. I created a monster because he just bought 3 cashmere blazers. lol 5
Hawaii51 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Coming from a relatively aloof person; You can have your affect, but in the ends if he's not comfortable with it. I can't spend time trying on jeans and **** at the mall. Just the thought gives me a little panic attack. I like looking good and stylish, but it's hard caring about it at all. I'd rather just wear my board shorts and flip-flops. I finally got a hair-cut yesterday after about 6/7 months (didn't touch the beard).
Weezy1973 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Women who care about the way a man dresses aren't for me. And I don't care about how a woman dresses either. To be fair.
katiegrl Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Women who care about the way a man dresses aren't for me. And I don't care about how a woman dresses either. To be fair. Okay..so now that we've established you and Gaeta aren't right for each other..... :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:: 3
Erised Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Women who care about the way a man dresses aren't for me. And I don't care about how a woman dresses either. To be fair. I don't care at all about fashion. But it seems wrong going into something thinking of how you can change a person. Though I suppose if it mattered to someone and they bought the clothes in outfits; I'd wear them. If they were comfortable. If it's so important to you someone change, you certainly should put your own investment into it.
Author Gaeta Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I thought I had made it clear in my original post that it's not about being trendy or in fashion. It's about having decent clothes. When a shirt has been washed so often you see through it and the wrist and collar are yellow, it's time to throw it away.
Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Birthday and Christmas and even random gifts work well 1
Erised Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I thought I had made it clear in my original post that it's not about being trendy or in fashion. It's about having decent clothes. When a shirt has been washed so often you see through it and the wrist and collar are yellow, it's time to throw it away. It would appear he's comfortable with it. You can purchase clothes as a gift if it bothers you; it doesn't appear to bother him.
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 You could just make hints in a subtle way and get him the occasional gift? For example- my BF didn't have many clothes at all when I first met him. Maybe 5 t shirts tops? 2 of which I hated the colour of- one was bright orange and the other was yellow and blue striped- he looked like a bumble bee! Now for every birthday/ christmas etc I get him a new jumper or t shirt in the colours I prefer (red and blue) and over exaggerate how much I like the colours on him even my Mum has joined in and bought him jumpers Now my choices are his favourites and I haven't seen the bumble bee monstrosity for around 6 months and the orange one has been reduced to night attire I got this far into the thread and then after the second paragraph in this post my head went "I seriously want a bright orange t-shirt!". No seriously, I'm off to find one, and I'll be damned if I care who likes it! 1
Vercetti Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I like guys that make my job easy. No need for makeovers. If someone is not naturally inclined to pull off whatever...thier not going to pull off whatever anyway. Let them express thier true rebellious man mans self through slacker dress. Let them keep fear that iconic classic menswear is metrosexual.
Penguin_hugs Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I got this far into the thread and then after the second paragraph in this post my head went "I seriously want a bright orange t-shirt!". No seriously, I'm off to find one, and I'll be damned if I care who likes it! Haha- good for you! The colour suits some people, but not him His hair is a light brown and reflects the orange colour so he looks a bit tangoed
Els Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 It really depends on how important it is to you. If you really value a well-dressed man then don't try to date a very poorly-dressed one and expect him to make a 180 degrees change just for you. It's not fair to either of you. Personally I'd just buy the guy some clothes later on if I wanted to - but a man's dress isn't really important to me as long as it's clean, washed-out is fine by me. Given that it WAS important enough to you that you considered nexting him, I really don't think you should date him.
Author Gaeta Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I am not going to pursue it. He also needs a good professional teeth cleaning. The plaque build up on his bottom teeth was off putting, that plus the wraggy clothes, sigh.....He's 47, probably makes 65K per year, no reasons for him to look so neglected.
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