Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) The man offers to pay for the dates. If she's a good lady, she'll spring for show or movie tickets once in awhile. The nicest women will take turns paying, but those mother Teresa's are rare. Yes, if you go on 4 dates and it did not turn into a relationship, you spent some money on a woman who you will never see again. It's not a total waste though, you got some practice. Also, keep something in mind - the woman probably spends more on her cloths, makeup, and has more shoes than you, plus it probably takes her longer to get ready. And for those who would say that's just high maintenance, let me remind you that you, as a man, benefit from all this - men like an attractive woman. It's a two-way street. If you want to save your wallet, don't go on expensive dates in the beginning. Also, you can use the kiss test - if you go for the kiss on date one and she turns her head so you kiss her hair, the dreaded hairball trick, she does not like you and probably never will, so you don't need to call her again But women like a generous gentleman, so you have to pay - those are the rules. If you don't buy this and you want to go against reality, it might be a very, very long time before you get a girlfriend. You might have a walker by then Edited April 5, 2015 by Gary S
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 You need to indicate your interest in her. You need to make it clear you'd like to see her again and you let her decide if it's a yes or a no. You don't ever dance around the pot like this if you like a girl! You have 2 options: A. You tell her right at the end of the date you enjoyed yourself and would like to do it again! If she replied she'd like that as well then you book that second date right then and there. B. You contact her after the date and tell her you enjoyed meeting her and would like to do it again soon. If she replies positively you book that second date then and there. So men not only are expected to PAY but have to put themselves out there to see if SHE is interested. The woman gets a free outing and is expected to wait around for a text or call. lol Dating in 2015, gotta love it
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 So men not only are expected to PAY but have to put themselves out there to see if SHE is interested. The woman gets a free outing and is expected to wait around for a text or call. lol Dating in 2015, gotta love it Hey you're only 30, what kind of other dating have you known lol, not like you're 50 We warned you I don't know how many times to keep the first meet to a coffee but you won't listen seems like! Yes you need to show your interest. A few ladies don't have a problem showing their interest first but it's the minority, most woman will wait for the guy to give them a green light first.
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Hey you're only 30, what kind of other dating have you known lol, not like you're 50 We warned you I don't know how many times to keep the first meet to a coffee but you won't listen seems like! Yes you need to show your interest. A few ladies don't have a problem showing their interest first but it's the minority, most woman will wait for the guy to give them a green light first. Well I plan to do what I did last summer when it lead to a second date After the first date I let 2 days go by without a text or phone call lol
Erised Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Well I plan to do what I did last summer when it lead to a second date After the first date I let 2 days go by without a text or phone call lol That sounds like a horrible idea, especially if you meet through online dating. It shows low interest when a person is probably being inundated. 4
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 That sounds like a horrible idea, especially if you meet through online dating. It shows low interest when a person is probably being inundated. Not if you ended the date on a good note
sharp9 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Guys usually feel it's a bad sign if she reaches for the check or quickly offers to pay her share. But eveyone has different expectations. Anyways if you can't get past the first date, you need to work on your game. With a lot of women they will reach for their purse after the check comes as a test to see if you will pay. It's the easiest test in the world to pass. All you have to do is pay the bill. I always say "I'm the one that asked you out so I should pay".
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 With a lot of women they will reach for their purse after the check comes as a test to see if you will pay. It's the easiest test in the world to pass. All you have to do is pay the bill. I always say "I'm the one that asked you out so I should pay". She left the tip and I paid the bill
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 After thinking about the date I forgot to do one thing "Compliment her" I was just so focused on avoiding a lot of silence during the date and keeping the conversation Light and fun that I forgot to give her a compliment" Damm
SunnySide0418 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 With a lot of women they will reach for their purse after the check comes as a test to see if you will pay. It's the easiest test in the world to pass. All you have to do is pay the bill. I always say "I'm the one that asked you out so I should pay". Very tacky thing to say
SunnySide0418 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 She left the tip and I paid the bill You should not have let her pay anything. And waiting two days to contact her is a bad idea. If you like her you are blowing this. I'm sorry but you seem insecure and need to get some confidence. Man up!
SunnySide0418 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 After thinking about the date I forgot to do one thing "Compliment her" I was just so focused on avoiding a lot of silence during the date and keeping the conversation Light and fun that I forgot to give her a compliment" DammText her tomorrow. Tell her you had a great time and would love to do it again. ask when she is free or ask her out for a specific date. Just do it. Even if it went well there is always going to be another guy who will be assertive and show his interest. 1
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I believe the man should pay but that doesn't mean I don't think once the relationship is established she shouldn't ever offer. The woman should pay sometimes once a relationship is established. But at the beginning the man should pursue the woman. And if a guy is really into you he wouldn't have it any other way from my experience. How very 1950s of you. It is extremely common for both to pay their own or to trade off paying in the modern dating world. Since I've been back out dating, I have paid for every first date. However, in each one the woman has either tried, or at least done the "move toward the purse" move to show they're willing to pay (or pretend to be willing to pay). The reason I pay isn't because they're a woman, it is because I'm out with someone new. I pay the way often times for my male friends when we go out as well. On all my second dates the woman has insisted on picking up the tab since I paid for the first one, again because it is modern times. (And to cover the other base, they don't offer to pay their way because they're not interested, I have continued to date and/or had sex with all of the ones I've been interested in. It is a different age and there is no reason for only the men to pay anymore.) You expect me to be the one who pays = goodbye. You believe you should pay your way = me typically paying because I want to. Then again, I got tired of the chase game early on and have found there to be plenty of great women who aren't afraid to act first/pursue. 1
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I didn't like the atmosphere because it didn't feel like i was in a SPORTS BAR atmosphere. It felt like I was in a restaurant with a lot of TV's on the wall and I think because it was not a real sports bar. So I take two Losses tonight with no problem 1. Suggesting to meet at a place I thought was a sports bar 2. Not complimenting her
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 How very 1950s of you. It is extremely common for both to pay their own or to trade off paying in the modern dating world. Since I've been back out dating, I have paid for every first date. However, in each one the woman has either tried, or at least done the "move toward the purse" move to show they're willing to pay (or pretend to be willing to pay). The reason I pay isn't because they're a woman, it is because I'm out with someone new. I pay the way often times for my male friends when we go out as well. On all my second dates the woman has insisted on picking up the tab since I paid for the first one, again because it is modern times. (And to cover the other base, they don't offer to pay their way because they're not interested, I have continued to date and/or had sex with all of the ones I've been interested in. It is a different age and there is no reason for only the men to pay anymore.) You expect me to be the one who pays = goodbye. You believe you should pay your way = me typically paying because I want to. Then again, I got tired of the chase game early on and have found there to be plenty of great women who aren't afraid to act first/pursue. The woman usually paid for me on the 3rd date since the second meeting was considered the first real date.
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Well I plan to do what I did last summer when it lead to a second date After the first date I let 2 days go by without a text or phone call lol Completely wrong for this day and age. If it was an early date like a brunch then you text that night just to say you had a great time, blah, blah. If it is a dinner/late date, you text sometime the next morning/afternoon. And to cover one of your other posts: if it was going well, you always ask about doing something again in the future during the date. Things move faster now then they did in the past with all the weird random waiting. If I'm interested in a woman I am on a date with, I have the second date either fully lined up, or a general idea of it setup, before the date ends. If it was a general idea, I bring it up in the had a good time text. And no, it is never taken as desperate. In fact there was only one date I went on since I started dating again where I didn't have the next one lined up, and it was because I felt nothing for the woman while I was on the date. 1
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Completely wrong for this day and age. If it was an early date like a brunch then you text that night just to say you had a great time, blah, blah. If it is a dinner/late date, you text sometime the next morning/afternoon. And to cover one of your other posts: if it was going well, you always ask about doing something again in the future during the date. Things move faster now then they did in the past with all the weird random waiting. If I'm interested in a woman I am on a date with, I have the second date either fully lined up, or a general idea of it setup, before the date ends. If it was a general idea, I bring it up in the had a good time text. And no, it is never taken as desperate. In fact there was only one date I went on since I started dating again where I didn't have the next one lined up, and it was because I felt nothing for the woman while I was on the date. But a woman will just be polite if a guy tries to set up a second date so It's not really confirmed until she responds to your call or text after the date. Most women will say anything during the date to be nice and tell a guy what he wants to hear so that's why I never try to mention a second date until after the date.
DoesntGetIt Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 But a woman will just be polite if a guy tries to set up a second date so It's not really confirmed until she responds to your call or text after the date. Most women will say anything during the date to be nice and tell a guy what he wants to hear so that's why I never try to mention a second date until after the date. If you're setting a day and a plan, it isn't just being nice. If you just say "We should do this again sometime" and she says "Yeah, that'd be nice", then you're right in that it means nothing at all, but that's what you get for saying something so general. You can tell the difference between something real, and something polite while uninterested (by that same token, you should have already realized she wasn't interested anyway). For instance, I went on a date with a woman who was going out of town the following week. After asking when she was leaving and she said Wed, I said something along the lines of "Well we should do something Monday or Tuesday then." To which she replied with a smile "Yeah, Tuesday works." If she's being polite or isn't interested she'd either say she was busy those two days or that she'd have to check and get back to me, etc. Agreeing to a day shows real interest (which I already knew because we had paid the check over 2 hours earlier and were still sitting there talking). Other ones have been suggestions of what to do for a next date (often times suggested by the woman). In those cases I text the next day with how I had a wonderful time and then bring up the suggestion and either offer a time or ask what works for her. Sure, it could have been polite (although again, you should know if she is interested before the date ends), but you will find out soon enough with that text. Waiting a couple of days gains you nothing. And if you met through OLD, you can be guaranteed there are other guys getting dates and being more aggressive, so you don't want to be left behind. 1
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 If you're setting a day and a plan, it isn't just being nice. If you just say "We should do this again sometime" and she says "Yeah, that'd be nice", then you're right in that it means nothing at all, but that's what you get for saying something so general. You can tell the difference between something real, and something polite while uninterested (by that same token, you should have already realized she wasn't interested anyway). For instance, I went on a date with a woman who was going out of town the following week. After asking when she was leaving and she said Wed, I said something along the lines of "Well we should do something Monday or Tuesday then." To which she replied with a smile "Yeah, Tuesday works." If she's being polite or isn't interested she'd either say she was busy those two days or that she'd have to check and get back to me, etc. Agreeing to a day shows real interest (which I already knew because we had paid the check over 2 hours earlier and were still sitting there talking). Other ones have been suggestions of what to do for a next date (often times suggested by the woman). In those cases I text the next day with how I had a wonderful time and then bring up the suggestion and either offer a time or ask what works for her. Sure, it could have been polite (although again, you should know if she is interested before the date ends), but you will find out soon enough with that text. Waiting a couple of days gains you nothing. And if you met through OLD, you can be guaranteed there are other guys getting dates and being more aggressive, so you don't want to be left behind. Maybe I will be that aggressive one day on a date to set up a second date if I already been on 2 dates with 2 other woman. Right now I am at 0 girls and don't feel like having my confidence take another hit so I am in no position to arrange another meeting at the end of a first meet.
CC12 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I am talking about if I go on 3 first meet and greets and nothing comes out of none of them, that means I wasted $30-50 First I just want to say that I'm not on any side on the "who should pay" debate. There are women who would be totally fine with paying their half, and there are women who would find it problematic that you didn't pay for her. If there's not a meeting of the minds over something as simple as picking up a bill, then a relationship is not likely to work. Still, I think you have the wrong attitude about spending money. You're paying for dinner, you're not buying a relationship. Your 30-50 bucks went to taking yourself and another person out for an evening. You shouldn't feel like you wasted that money. Well I plan to do what I did last summer when it lead to a second date After the first date I let 2 days go by without a text or phone call lol Just because something "worked" with one woman, it doesn't mean that you're going to have the same experience with others. Human interaction is never "I'll do X and Y will happen." Everyone is different. Don't make up rules based off of one person's response. I didn't like the atmosphere because it didn't feel like i was in a SPORTS BAR atmosphere. It felt like I was in a restaurant with a lot of TV's on the wall and I think because it was not a real sports bar. So I take two Losses tonight with no problem 1. Suggesting to meet at a place I thought was a sports bar 2. Not complimenting her Stop trying to find something to complain about. You said it went a lot better than the last and it seemed like you had a nice time. Don't overthink it. 1
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Well since I have a "bruised ego" from all the first dates I had the past 4 months that went bad, there is no way in hell I am reaching out to her right now. I will just be satisfied if it's kept neutral and neither one of us contact each other because at this point I don't think my ego can take it. I need to be on a couple of second dates with multiple girls before I start sending text messages after a first date
Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) With cell phones, things have changed today. Most women who like a man will text him after the first date (or email or message), they will show their interest. It's not like it was 20 years ago, even ten years ago, where you had to call on the phone, and most women would not do that. It's way too easy today for a woman to text. The man need do nothing after the date but wait and see if she texts to show interest. And you don't need to give a woman compliments on the first date, or even the first few dates. Any guy can do that, what's so special about it? You barely know the woman. Wait until it's genuine. besides, playing hard to get doubles interest. Edited April 5, 2015 by Gary S
Author smg15 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 With cell phones, things have changed today. Most women who like a man will text him after the first date (or email or message), they will show their interest. It's not like it was 20 years ago, even ten years ago, where you had to call on the phone, and most women would not do that. It's way too easy today for a woman to text. The man need do nothing after the date but wait and see if she texts to show interest. And you don't need to give a woman compliments on the first date, or even the first few dates. Any guy can do that, what's so special about it? You barely know the woman. Wait until it's genuine. besides, playing hard to get doubles interest. Not compliments about her looks, about something she is passionate about or something she is wearing, an accomplishment, or the way she is acting
Author smg15 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 First I just want to say that I'm not on any side on the "who should pay" debate. There are women who would be totally fine with paying their half, and there are women who would find it problematic that you didn't pay for her. If there's not a meeting of the minds over something as simple as picking up a bill, then a relationship is not likely to work. Still, I think you have the wrong attitude about spending money. You're paying for dinner, you're not buying a relationship. Your 30-50 bucks went to taking yourself and another person out for an evening. You shouldn't feel like you wasted that money. Just because something "worked" with one woman, it doesn't mean that you're going to have the same experience with others. Human interaction is never "I'll do X and Y will happen." Everyone is different. Don't make up rules based off of one person's response. Stop trying to find something to complain about. You said it went a lot better than the last and it seemed like you had a nice time. Don't overthink it. I am about to make a GROWN MAN move and do something I have not done in a decade, CALL after the first date. Usually I would just text but I will be different this time and CALL her phone even though I think it's a 98% chance she won't answer. But it's parts of the date that made me think we had a good vibe like when we were missing plays in the game because of us talking to each other. If I call and get no answer will it affect me? Not too much because I have 2 days off in a row, Mon and Tue so it's not like I am going to work and comig off a rejection. I only made the decision to call because I was impressed with my conversation during the date and felt it was much better than the date I had 3 weeks ago Well here it GOES!!!!!!! BTW: If she doesn't pick up I am not leaving a message
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 So if I go on 4 first meets in a row and never see the girl again that means I am just throwing money away. I don't like that at all Now you're getting it. When I had periods of being single, I'd spend time researching creative date ideas that are low cost/free and scout locations. That way in the beginning when I don't know what a woman's intentions are, I can keep seeing her with little to no money spent. But since they're fun and take obvious planning, it's still appreciated for the effort involved.
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