E-Squared Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 How does one know when something like this is happening? Maybe I am just too oblivious when something is right in front of me, but I can never tell when I am being checked out or when someone is flirting with me. For example, I sort of suspected a female coworker to be looking at me at times, and because I look around as I sometimes "people watch," I had caught her looking in my direction. I later found out she had a boyfriend, though, as I tried testing something by making small talk by asking her what she did the previous weekend at that point. Some of the time, I had caught women looking in my direction, and I didn't glance at her first, either. However, I am never sure if the woman was checking me out at that moment or what. Another thing that I wonder is whether a girl is being nice or being flirty in some situations. I remember a while back, my dad and I had breakfast at a restaurant that I frequent. I have a crush on a waitress there, and we are friendly as well as we talk a bit at times. My dad told me that she got smiley with me on a few occasions, but I had told him that maybe she is just doing her job. I did say that we are friendly, so it's not like I am an annoying customer or anything like that. She says hi to me on her own and asks me how I am doing sometimes. But I am not so sure if what she is doing is part of the job or if she is really talking to me to be friendly. There are times when she says hi to me and she isn't serving me that day. Again, I try to keep my eyes and ears open to see what is up. So it's not like I am reading too much into how she behaves with me. I even remember a while back, some coworkers suspected that a female coworker/friend liked me, but I don't think I ever saw it. Some have told me "How can you NOT see it?" Am I just too oblivious to see what is going on? I am never sure when a woman looks in my direction and what it means, or if a woman is nice to me.
jen1447 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 How does one know when something like this is happening? Maybe I am just too oblivious when something is right in front of me, but I can never tell when I am being checked out or when someone is flirting with me. For example, I sort of suspected a female coworker to be looking at me at times, and because I look around as I sometimes "people watch," I had caught her looking in my direction. I later found out she had a boyfriend, though, as I tried testing something by making small talk by asking her what she did the previous weekend at that point. Some of the time, I had caught women looking in my direction, and I didn't glance at her first, either. However, I am never sure if the woman was checking me out at that moment or what. Another thing that I wonder is whether a girl is being nice or being flirty in some situations. I remember a while back, my dad and I had breakfast at a restaurant that I frequent. I have a crush on a waitress there, and we are friendly as well as we talk a bit at times. My dad told me that she got smiley with me on a few occasions, but I had told him that maybe she is just doing her job. I did say that we are friendly, so it's not like I am an annoying customer or anything like that. She says hi to me on her own and asks me how I am doing sometimes. But I am not so sure if what she is doing is part of the job or if she is really talking to me to be friendly. There are times when she says hi to me and she isn't serving me that day. Again, I try to keep my eyes and ears open to see what is up. So it's not like I am reading too much into how she behaves with me. I even remember a while back, some coworkers suspected that a female coworker/friend liked me, but I don't think I ever saw it. Some have told me "How can you NOT see it?" Am I just too oblivious to see what is going on? I am never sure when a woman looks in my direction and what it means, or if a woman is nice to me. It's hard to say exactly what's going on in your case without being there. But, it's possible the women at work are monitoring because you're "the watcher" guy. (I wouldn't suggest doing that too much btw unless you're really good at not being obvious. It'll give a creeper vibe eventually if they keep catching you looking.) The waitress you have to be careful about over-interpreting, as they're public service sector people as much as any others are, and so it's a part of their job to be nice to people and make them happy. I'd say a good rule of thumb with them is that if they're more interested than simple professionalism, you'll know it, because they'll make it clear.
Author E-Squared Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 It's hard to say exactly what's going on in your case without being there. But, it's possible the women at work are monitoring because you're "the watcher" guy. (I wouldn't suggest doing that too much btw unless you're really good at not being obvious. It'll give a creeper vibe eventually if they keep catching you looking.) The waitress you have to be careful about over-interpreting, as they're public service sector people as much as any others are, and so it's a part of their job to be nice to people and make them happy. I'd say a good rule of thumb with them is that if they're more interested than simple professionalism, you'll know it, because they'll make it clear. Well, I'm not exactly obvious when it comes to "watching." I just look around to see what is going on around me. That is pretty much it. Truth be told, I don't stare, so I never get called on for that. As for the waitress situation, like I said, I try not to read too much into how she interacts with me. I have seen another friendly waitress address me as "sweetie" or "darling," but I don't take it to heart because I know the woman is married and has kids (This is not the one who I have a crush on, by the way). So I try to keep my eyes open about the situation. However, in general, how do guys pick up when a woman is looking at you with admiration or flirting with them?
jen1447 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Well, I'm not exactly obvious when it comes to "watching." I just look around to see what is going on around me. That is pretty much it. Truth be told, I don't stare, so I never get called on for that. As for the waitress situation, like I said, I try not to read too much into how she interacts with me. I have seen another friendly waitress address me as "sweetie" or "darling," but I don't take it to heart because I know the woman is married and has kids (This is not the one who I have a crush on, by the way). So I try to keep my eyes open about the situation. However, in general, how do guys pick up when a woman is looking at you with admiration or flirting with them? There are body language clues like playing w/hair and facing you squarely and sustained eye contact and genuine smiling, but I think you may have other challenges to consider before you start wondering about that stuff. What is it that causes this disconnect where you don't interpret people well? Most people "just know" when someone's interested. If you get caught up in the guru stuff too much you'll just drive yourself nuts.
Author E-Squared Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) There are body language clues like playing w/hair and facing you squarely and sustained eye contact and genuine smiling, but I think you may have other challenges to consider before you start wondering about that stuff. What is it that causes this disconnect where you don't interpret people well? Most people "just know" when someone's interested. If you get caught up in the guru stuff too much you'll just drive yourself nuts. Guru stuff? What do you mean? As for interpreting, I can sometimes tell if someone has a negative attitude towards me. So it's not like I can't tell. As for women exhibiting interest, I remember talking with a friend, he had told me that it is sometimes hard to tell when someone is checking one out. I remember once in the past, I went to Target to get something, and an employee commented on the shirt I wore and then she started asking me how I was doing. I should note that she wasn't the checker who rang me up, she happened to be there to talk to the checker about something and then my shirt caught her attention. She also might have thought I was attractive as well. She sort of smiled at me. I just took it for face value, purchased my stuff and then left. That was it. Edited April 7, 2015 by E-Squared
Frank2thepoint Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Learn ESP, and then you will know for sure. Aside from that, women may look at you for various reasons. May they are checking out your shoes or shirt or hair. Or they are just looking at your general direction, just lost in thought.
jen1447 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Guru stuff? What do you mean? I mean "guru" as in attempting to be a specialist at deciphering body language clues relevant to social dynamics like sexual and/or romantic interest. There are a lot of people who advocate learning all that and implementing it to your advantage, but the truth is, most people perceive it all to a limited degree subconsciously anyway. There are others (essentially professionals, like criminal profilers) who are able to process it all consciously, but that knowledge in turn becomes unconscious with familiarity. The people who say they're body language 'experts' because they consciously notice this or that more often than not just confuse or fool themselves into thinking they're "gurus." (e.g, "She looked left and up, then smiled, then sneezed ....clear case of passive-aggressive altruism!" Um, no.) Don't do that. Just trust your instincts like most other people do.
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Be friendly, chat to them, smile. If they keep coming back, or returning your friendliness with happy chat and attention, then they may well be interested in you. Sometimes girls are shy and may not be forthcoming and chatty, but you might catch them looking at you often when you are doing something else. It's not easy though and easy to assume someone is interested just because you are. Generally, if they are not avoiding you and seem happy to see you and spend time alone chatting with you, it's a very good sign.
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