Jessie1231 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I had a date last night with a guy I met online. We had texted for a few days leading up to, and he seemed very nice so we met for dinner/drinks. Upon meeting him I immediately noticed two things - he was a few inches shorter than me which we specifically discussed. I'm 5'9" and told him this because sometimes it seems to make guys uncomfortable. I have dated guys shorter than me, and it doesn't bother me but I like to be up front about it just in case. His response through text, "Oh well I'm taller than you so no problem." Clearly he was not taller than me, he was 5'7" max. The other thing I noticed is that he weighed at least 40 pounds or so more than his pictures. He wasn't obese or anything, but he definitely had way more weight than any of his online pictures. This wouldn't have been an issue either as I previously had a great relationship with a guy who also needed to lose a bit of weight. But I realized immediately that the problem wasn't that he was shorter and heavier than I had originally thought - the problem is that he was dishonest about both of these things. Had he been honest going in, I wouldn't have felt so uncomfortable during dinner - that date could not end fast enough for me. Has this happened to others? I've heard a few stories from friends but this was the first time I've shown up expecting one thing and seeing something different. I guess I've been lucky so far. And does this ever work for the person who is dishonest? It seems anyone who shows up for a date and can immediately see that the person they are meeting has told a few obvious lies would be put off and not want to see the person more than the first meet up. 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I had the same scenario more than a few times when I was OLD, and it was a very off putting. The "height" lie happened so many times that I started to wonder if men really know how tall they are. I honestly think a lot men lie because they assume all women prefer a taller guy, but they figure that once you meet, they can charm you into overlooking that aspect. For me, height was not the deal breaker as I was married to a man that was 5'8 for 10 years. The deal breaker is the lying about it. 1
Mrin Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I've never understood this and sadly it seems to be a phenomenom that acutely affects my gender. I've had a few women from OLD exaggerate about things - usually weight. But no blatant lies. I mean, inflating your wealth or importance is one thing - those are all qualitative or contextual in nature. But how tall you are? Or your age? Ya kinda tough to explain how you used to be 5'11" and now are 5'7". So stupid and proudly waves the biggest red flag of them all - dishonesty. When I look for a mate I get really attracted to dishonesty and lying - said no woman ever. 2
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I think people lie hoping that when you meet in person, there will be enough chemistry between you..... that you would overlook such *perceived" shortcomings (from their perspective). They don't understand that lying works against them...as it's the lying that turns most people off, not the fact they're shorter or heavier...or whatever they think their shortcoming is. Someone needs to enlighten them. Because each time they get rejected, they will mistakenly assume it's because they are short or heavy...or whatever...not realizing that the reason they were rejected was NOT because of those things...but because they lied about it! 3
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 In regards to the photos, did you actually have a conversation about his weight, workout habits, etc? Or were you just drawing conclusions based on what you saw? If that's the case, you should actually say to the guy "I'm active, like to workout, etc and I'm attracted to men that are in shape". Then if he tells you he is, and he is 40-50lbs over weight you have a right to be bugged. However, if you were just drawing conclusions on his photos, that's on you. Photos in general can be deceptive because they can make someone look lighter or heavier than they actually are. That's why it's always better to have an actual conversation about it. But lying about height has never made any sense to me. Do they think the person won't notice in person? Since I'm 5'11", I always joke and say that I'm confident enough not to round up to 6ft.
Author Jessie1231 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 In regards to the photos, did you actually have a conversation about his weight, workout habits, etc? Or were you just drawing conclusions based on what you saw? If that's the case, you should actually say to the guy "I'm active, like to workout, etc and I'm attracted to men that are in shape". Then if he tells you he is, and he is 40-50lbs over weight you have a right to be bugged. However, if you were just drawing conclusions on his photos, that's on you. Photos in general can be deceptive because they can make someone look lighter or heavier than they actually are. That's why it's always better to have an actual conversation about it. But lying about height has never made any sense to me. Do they think the person won't notice in person? Since I'm 5'11", I always joke and say that I'm confident enough not to round up to 6ft. I didn't ask about working out or anything because it really isn't a huge deal to me. His weight wouldn't have bothered me at all had it not been so different from his photos. Through talking to him during the date, I found out that the photos showed him at a job he had several years ago so they weren't recent at all. It wasn't that they were just really good pics that hid his weight. They were just old and he has put on weight since then. He also commented to me that I'm very tall. I said not too tall, just 5'9" like I said, how tall are you? His response - I don't know. Who doesn't know how tall they are??
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 In regards to the photos, did you actually have a conversation about his weight, workout habits, etc? Or were you just drawing conclusions based on what you saw? If that's the case, you should actually say to the guy "I'm active, like to workout, etc and I'm attracted to men that are in shape". Then if he tells you he is, and he is 40-50lbs over weight you have a right to be bugged. However, if you were just drawing conclusions on his photos, that's on you. Photos in general can be deceptive because they can make someone look lighter or heavier than they actually are. That's why it's always better to have an actual conversation about it. But lying about height has never made any sense to me. Do they think the person won't notice in person? Since I'm 5'11", I always joke and say that I'm confident enough not to round up to 6ft. ff did you read my above post? I really do think people lie..hoping that when you meet in person, there will be enough chemistry between you...that you overlook the shortcoming. In any event, when you meet a person who clearly lied, do you enlighten them and tell them the "lie" was not cool? And that if they had been honest, that they would stand a better chance of developing that chemistry with you? OR had they been honest, would you not bother meeting them at all? Inquiring mind.....
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 ff did you read my above post? I really do think people lie..hoping that when you meet in person, there will be enough chemistry between you...that you overlook the shortcoming. In any event, when you meet a person who clearly lied, do you enlighten them and tell them the "lie" was not cool? And that if they had been honest, that they would stand a better chance of developing that chemistry with you? OR had they been honest, would you not bother meeting them at all? Inquiring mind..... Read it just now and it was a damn good one. I agree that people probably figure that their personality will change the person's mind and chemistry will overcome all. However, for direct honest people like myself, I call a spade a spade. If someone lies, I'll call them on it. But I think a valuable lesson learned from this would be to try and find out more info going into the first date/meet. Ask the person to send you a few recent photos via text before meeting. Ask about lifestyle habits over the phone before meeting. Stress that you have preferences and won't sit through a date to be nice if you're mislead, etc..I know that it's hard to be so direct with people, but in the end it's worth it to save time.
ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Almost every date I have had from a dating site has involved a certain degree of "false truth", why people resort to that I don't know. Its terribly off putting but perhaps its part of a marketing tactic to make oneself seem better than one actually is, lets face it online dating is pretty much 98% appearance and 2% personality. Maybe your next online foray will be better, here's hoping!
writergal Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 OLD - online liars dating.... Since the whole point with OLD is to sell yourself like a product on the shelf at a store, people take liberties with the details they post about their lives. Or they blatantly lie thinking it won't matter once the person meets them. I think the top three things people lie about with OLD are: height, weight, and job (if they have one or not). I agree with you ZA Dater. OLD is 98% marketing yourself and 2% personality. Men give women 30 seconds in person on the first date to sell themselves as someone they should date. It's ridiculous. Who needs that kind of pressure?
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