Author Jono85 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Let it go. She was clearly not interested and any other attempt on your part to fix this at this point will make you come off as clingy. with all due respect, both you and fitness are not in my shoes, nor know all the interactions we've had, nor know this type of girl, etc etc. you guys make valid points and sure it's probably prudent to have strict rules such as if she doesn't kiss u on first date next her. u certainly waste less time. that being said, I'm 29. I feel I can gauge when a girl likes me or is into me vs. just being nice texting back. the fact this girl went out of her way to say how much of a great time she had immediately after date, even though we both did this during date, so she didn't have to text me 10 min after when I didn't msg her, to tell me such. after our run in at gym on Wednesday, we hadn't spoken all day and did not have an ongoing text exchange, she didn't have to text me telling me it was nice seeing me and her friend thought I was a "cutie-bear". girls who don't like u do not do these things. maybe just maybe all girls don't kiss on first date, or I didn't build enough comfort, or she was wishy washy about which night bc well young girls ARE wishy washy in general. the fact she texts me back with FOUR texts including a smiley and laughing at my joke, within 2 hrs of my text last night after radio silence for almost 2 days is another indicator. girls that dont like u just don't do these things. is there a guarantee she'll go on another date with me, I suppose not. but I'm pretty confident she's into me, I just handled things a bit wrong as most would agree and have in here. I will update this thread whether she agrees to a date this week or not. I appreciate all the feedback and advice, its great to hear diff perspectives whether I agree or disagree with them.
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 that being said, I'm 29. ...young girls ARE wishy washy in general. How old is she?
Maleficent Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 with all due respect, both you and fitness are not in my shoes, nor know all the interactions we've had, nor know this type of girl, etc etc. you guys make valid points and sure it's probably prudent to have strict rules such as if she doesn't kiss u on first date next her. u certainly waste less time. that being said, I'm 29. I feel I can gauge when a girl likes me or is into me vs. just being nice texting back. the fact this girl went out of her way to say how much of a great time she had immediately after date, even though we both did this during date, so she didn't have to text me 10 min after when I didn't msg her, to tell me such. after our run in at gym on Wednesday, we hadn't spoken all day and did not have an ongoing text exchange, she didn't have to text me telling me it was nice seeing me and her friend thought I was a "cutie-bear". girls who don't like u do not do these things. maybe just maybe all girls don't kiss on first date, or I didn't build enough comfort, or she was wishy washy about which night bc well young girls ARE wishy washy in general. the fact she texts me back with FOUR texts including a smiley and laughing at my joke, within 2 hrs of my text last night after radio silence for almost 2 days is another indicator. girls that dont like u just don't do these things. is there a guarantee she'll go on another date with me, I suppose not. but I'm pretty confident she's into me, I just handled things a bit wrong as most would agree and have in here. I will update this thread whether she agrees to a date this week or not. I appreciate all the feedback and advice, its great to hear diff perspectives whether I agree or disagree with them. You asked for our opinion and we gave it to you. Next time you want people to tell you what you want to hear, please add a note to that effect in your OP.
Author Jono85 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 You asked for our opinion and we gave it to you. Next time you want people to tell you what you want to hear, please add a note to that effect in your OP. umm..i specifically thanked you and all advice in the end of my post even saying i appreciate feedback i don't necessarily agree with. don't be so sensitive. i disagree with your stance..it's not the end of the world.
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 she is 23. I guess she has options and she maybe didn't get back to you, because she wanted to pursue those other options this weekend. It may have been other dates or it may just have been going out with her friends, either way she wasn't prioritising you, and that may, I must say, be your fault there, sorry. Now, she apparently has you on a hook, she may like you, she may not. It may be interest, it may be revenge... If you really like her, ask her out and make a date, and if she doesn't have a cast iron excuse not to go, then bin her.
Author Jono85 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 I guess she has options and she maybe didn't get back to you, because she wanted to pursue those other options this weekend. It may have been other dates or it may just have been going out with her friends, either way she wasn't prioritising you, and that may, I must say, be your fault there, sorry. Now, she apparently has you on a hook, she may like you, she may not. It may be interest, it may be revenge... If you really like her, ask her out and make a date, and if she doesn't have a cast iron excuse not to go, then bin her. again, i think we need to be careful with a lot of the assumptions being thrown around. her being 23 shouldn't tell you necessarily any of that. earlier in week we both talked and agreed we wanted to hang but I had some family stuff (Easter) and she told me she did as well b/c her brother is getting married soon and he asked her to help him with a bunch of stuff this weekend and she was getting nervous about it. so when she told me she had family stuff fri night, i assume she did. she told me on our first date it was her first date in a very long time (she had a breakup in january). she also told me she mainly hangs with family and is in a place right now where she's had to cut a few friends and only has a couple. i'm not here saying that 100% of things girls (or guys) say is truth in the dating phase...it's probably a lot lot less. but i'm just saying from everything she's told me, it truly seems like she had family stuff this weekend, does not date at all at the moment, seems to be going through a phase of injecting positivity into her life (ie. dating was not atop her list) and focusing on other thing...so i'll take her at her word at the moment. anyway yes she could just be stringing me along, lonely, etc and not intending to go on another date with me..it is def possible. i'll update the thread when i ask her out later either today or tmrw.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) The ultimate goal is to get her out on another date with you right? When you attempted to do that twice, she avoided both times. In the last few weeks alone, there have been multiple threads on here about women that kept up appearances because they were too scared to be honest. One woman falsely accepted dates and then purposely re-scheduled for FIVE YEARS hoping the guy would get the hint because she was too scared to be honest with him. So what my point is that in the end, all the sweet texts in the world don't make up for the fact that she's not going out with you. Her calling you "cute", "adorable", etc sound like you've been friend zoned man. However, if you're as confident in her interest as you say you are, cut to the chase and ask her out again. Make your interest really well known and see what happens. If you get a second date with her, I'll be the first to admit that I was wrong. But when she ignores that date invite as well, promise me that you'll have a three strikes policy and walk away. Hanging around for a woman that has no interest is just going to frustrate you in the end. Edited April 5, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Author Jono85 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 The ultimate goal is to get her out on another date with you right? When you attempted to do that twice, she avoided both times. In the last few weeks alone, there have been multiple threads on here about women that kept up appearances because they were too scared to be honest. One woman falsely accepted dates and then purposely re-scheduled for FIVE YEARS hoping the guy would get the hint because she was too scared to be honest with him. So what my point is that in the end, all the sweet texts in the world don't make up for the fact that she's not going out with you. Her calling you "cute", "adorable", etc sound like you've been friend zoned man. However, if you're as confident in her interest as you say you are, cut to the chase and ask her out again. Make your interest really well known and see what happens. If you get a second date with her, I'll be the first to admit that I was wrong. But when she ignores that date invite as well, promise me that you'll have a three strikes policy and walk away. Hanging around for a woman that has no interest is just going to frustrate you in the end. again, not saying you're wrong 100%, but what do u mean twice? I told her to let me know either Fri or Sat and she didn't follow through. When I told her I had to make plans with my buddy for Sat and that Friday was free she told me she had family stuff already planned, which corroborated with her discussion earlier in week. that's one time by my count. im not going to dismiss the girl bc she couldn't hang on the one night I gave her an option to.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Correct me if I'm wrong. But my understanding is : 1) You directly asked her for Fri or Sat so you could give the other day to your buddy. She responded but skated around it by talking about something unrelated. So you made plane with your buddy for Sat. Then you had to follow up with her a SECOND time to let her know you could only see her Fri. That's when she said she had family plans Fri and couldn't see you. But after the kiss rejection, this is your biggest clue of dis-interest. A woman that's interested will give you a direct yes, to your FIRST invitation. She won't skate around it, and leave you feeling unsure where you have to follow up a second time. 2) You try to make plans with her a second time, and she flat out didn't respond. So you "scolded" her. Edited April 5, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author Jono85 Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Correct me if I'm wrong. But my understanding is : 1) You directly asked her for Fri or Sat so you could give the other day to your buddy. She responded but skated around it by talking about something unrelated. So you made plane with your buddy for Sat. Then you had to follow up with her a SECOND time to let her know you could only see her Fri. That's when she said she had family plans Fri and couldn't see you. But after the kiss rejection, this is your biggest clue of dis-interest. A woman that's interested will give you a direct yes, to your FIRST invitation. She won't skate around it, and leave you feeling unsure where you have to follow up a second time. 2) You try to make plans with her a second time, and she flat out didn't respond. So you "scolded" her. there was no 2nd time, i'm not sure where you got that idea. summary of this weeks events: during week i tell her i want to see her this weekend but i have some easter stuff with family and we'll figure it out later in week. she also wants to see me, but also says her brother who's getting married soon just bombarded her with a ton of things she needs to help him with this weekend and is nervous about it. anyway, later in week, wednesday night i tell her my buddy is in town and he can chill sat or fri so if she could hang one of those nights i'll tell him the other night. she says sounds good but i'll let you know tmrw morning for sure (i assume she had to talk with brother/family). tmrw morning comes...she texts me about a couple other things we'd discussed, but did not follow up about picking one of those nights. at noon, ie. after morning, i tell her ok well i had to make plans with buddy since i didn't hear from her about it, and fri night is the free night now (no sat option). she tells me "that's okay my family made plans for fri so we'll do it another time". i mistakenly scold her and tell her it would be nice if next time she tells me she'll let me know something for sure, she follows through. radio silence after that. so it was just one time to my count. also, again, i know texts don't mean anything, and behaviour behaviour behaviour..but like she's been sending me "good morning )" texts and stuff too, along with the "my friend thought you were a cutie..i told her she was allowed to stare" type texts. i don't see how these are friend zone type things, but maybe i'm just completely oblivious and girls are more f'd than i thought (ie. no person with a brain could send such texts with the intent of lets just be friends....). the no kiss close thing is definitely a thing...but u make it sound like no girls ever reject a first date kiss that still romantically like the guy. are u insinuating this never happens?? i'm pretty sure more than a few girls will not kiss on first date just out of policy.
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 i mistakenly scold her and tell her it would be nice if next time she tells me she'll let me know something for sure, she follows through. radio silence after that. I am sorry to make light of your predicament, but how do you mistakenly scold someone?...
Gary S Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) I did not even have to read the whole opening post to know that there's trouble in paradise. If she won't kiss you on date one, especially after she's seen you before in the gym, long enough to develop a crush, she's not interested in you or hard headed, and won't be a good match. And after reading the rest of the post and the thread, it's very predictable, you are having trouble making a second date. (For future reference, don't try to make dates on the weekend in the beginning, she's busy) Oh, she would kiss a guy on a first date, but only if she thought he was special, the exception to the rule. Like they say in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, you have to be the exception. You are only looking for one. Edited April 5, 2015 by Gary S
fitnessfan365 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 the no kiss close thing is definitely a thing...but u make it sound like no girls ever reject a first date kiss that still romantically like the guy. are u insinuating this never happens?? i'm pretty sure more than a few girls will not kiss on first date just out of policy. In the end, I think it's designed by women to have a easy out with guys they don't like. Now I'm not trying to brag, just prove a point. But I'd say at least 60% of the women I've kissed on first dates, told me about their supposed "rule" afterwards. My GF was the same way. She hugged or cheeked guys that tried to kiss her on her other online "meets". Yet she was very receptive to me when I kissed her, and was even more receptive when I went back in for seconds. On the next date she told me that I made her break her "rule". So what my experience has taught me is that women make exceptions for chemistry. BTW - Looks like I mis-understood before about how many times you asked her out. So my bad. However, I still say that if she wanted to go out with you, she would have given you a direct answer. You wouldn't have had to follow up with her to try and confirm. Also, when a woman ignores your date invite but wants to text all the time, it's because she sees you as friendship material. So that's why it's better to flip the switch and not be a texting buddy. Just keep the texting geared towards making dates and getting off the phone if she continues to give you the run around. 2
PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 Fitnessfan is right. Listen to him. She is not interested. And don't be so gullible and pushy. It would have been more effective to leave out that whole plot about your boyfriend coming to visit you, and using that story to corner her into picking a date. You didn't need to share ANY of that info and neither is she entitled to know your schedule. In fact, you come across as manipulative. All you needed to do is send a three-word text: "On for Saturday?" That is all. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Read this thread about not usually kissing on the first date. As I mentioned before, all it takes is the right chemistry. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/523161-normal-make-out-heavily-end-first-date
Author Jono85 Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 fitness fan et al...i stand corrected. i figured i'd come back to eat some crow. i asked her yesterday afternoon/evening (4PM...yes via text...please don't comment about doing it by phone next time, it's obv not the reason she's not interested and everything we've done has been via text) to hang either Tuesday or Wed night and she hasn't responded. i def feel like a bit of a fool for believing she was def interested. i def think it's retarded for a girl to be the first one after a date (within 10 min) to text how great of a time she had, to send good morning texts with smiley faces, to text first after a gym run in to say how great it was to see me, to text after 2nd run in how her friend thought i was really cute too and she said it was ok to stare, etc etc etc...if you're not f-cking interested in seeing dude again. but i suppose the no kiss-close and the skating around the availability question last thursday trumped everything else. i learned something from this. the funniest part, and not the first time, but amazing this happens, is i had quite a few reservations about her during/after date. we had great convo, but she was quite immature in a few regards and she's an occasional smoker and i hate/detest smoking...and yet it still stings when this stuff happens/makes me upset the bish spent so much time blowing up my phone last week. anyway lesson learned...dating, and setting up more dates is the extent of convo from here on out. anything text related is bulls*it. thanks again for everyone who gave feedback...and apologies to the ones i was so sure they were wrong.
Natalie8 Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Hey, I just read the whole tread and wanted to add my two cents. I dont blame you for being confused about her behaviour..as in texting you first etc. Doesnt make sense to me either. The no kiss on first date thing shouldnt necessarily be a red flag on its own. But the not being more enthusiastic about picking another date night is... but please dont feel stupid or anything like that. When we like someone we make excuses for their behaviour. Heck, im in my 30's and i still do that. Dating is confusing unfortunately. Having text convos about random stuff is not bad as long as you have dates nailed down. I also didnt think you were anal about her wishy washy reaction. If someone told me that they will let me know for sure what night would work for them i would expect them to do so. I just dont think its something you forget. Anyways, hope you are not too disheartened about this! 1
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