Can't take the fakeness of OLD

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Guys are human just like women life isn't always a Disney movie some times the best things develop over time..imo anyways and I didn't mean this to offend anyone here its just been my observation...

 

So, in essence, are you saying that you would continue to date a guy with whom you have absolutely NOTHING in common, have ZERO sexual chemistry with, are NOT physically attracted to in any way and do NOT click with any aspect of his personality because - as you've stated - the best things develop over time?

 

That may be true...but up to a POINT. For me, if something isn't clicking (or if I'm not wondering what kissing him would feel like) with the guy I'm sitting across the table from or shooting a game of mini-golf with, then I'm not interested in possibly wasting my time with dating him over a long period of time. I mean, there has to be SOMETHING *there* for me to be interested in dating him past the first meet up or the first date. Guys do this all of the time; it's not any different for women - or at least not different for me.

 

 

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[SELdeMER]

^^well no, that's a bit dramatic...you don't have to keep dating the guy beyond the first kiss if you have no chemistry. I don't think anyone is suggesting that you hang in there for months or anything. Just, sometimes you know on date 1 that there is nothing. other times, you have a good time, but haven't kissed yet, so go on another date and then another to see what may develop as long as you still enjoy each others company, and until one or both of you realize that there is no actual chemistry (usually for me the kiss is the barometer of physical chemistry, because without that you guys are just friends.).

 

A lot of people test for chemistry on a first meet, which can be problematic because often people are not themselves on a first date due to nerves, it's a good idea to give it a few dates (provided you enjoy their company and are not repulsed by them) to see what may develope rather than adopt an all or nothing attitude fro the first date

[writergal]

I think a lot of women are to into the "prince charming package'

the guy has to tick every box right off the get go the setting must be magical the approach must be memorable if not then hes got no chance and there is automatically "no spark"

 

Guys are human just like women life isn't always a Disney movie some times the best things develop over time..imo anyways and I didn't mean this to offend anyone here its just been my observation...

 

Not this gal. Prince Charming is for fairy tales. Yikes.

 

Not interested in:

 

Prince Charming

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

The Artist Formerly Known As

Princes In the Tower

Prince Ferdinand or any of the Disney Princes

Prince Harry (or any of the princes in the world for that matter)

 

The only boxes "he" has to tic off for me are:

 

• Has a job with health insurance
  
• Not be a serial killer or rapist
  
• Have things in common with me and also be different
  
• When I walk in the door,after I give my monologue about living in a cynical world he says "you had me at 'Hello'" and then we make out in front of my sister's nursing union meeting and then book a trip to Mystic, Connecticut while we watch the movie Mystic Pizza
  
• Has a sense of humor and maybe traveled around a bit
  

[BluEyeL]

When I was dating, I gave them 4-5 dates to figure it out. And I dated others at the same time as not to waste time. Generally two men at one time.

[BluEyeL]

As for wasting time..I don't know about you all but I've wasted my time with guys who were wishy washy about me, hoping they'd turn around, because they were physically attractive and aloof. What an unproductive endeavor!

[SawtoothMars]

I think a lot of women are to into the "prince charming package'

the guy has to tick every box right off the get go the setting must be magical the approach must be memorable if not then hes got no chance and there is automatically "no spark"

Guys are human just like women life isn't always a Disney movie some times the best things develop over time..imo anyways and I didn't mean this to offend anyone here its just been my observation...

 

Pretty much exactly the problem.

 

Dating is dating. It doesn't matter how you initially contact the other person. Just sit back and enjoy it for what it is...

 

So, in essence, are you saying that you would continue to date a guy with whom you have absolutely NOTHING in common, have ZERO sexual chemistry with, are NOT physically attracted to in any way and do NOT click with any aspect of his personality because - as you've stated - the best things develop over time?

.

 

You are making the mistake of thinking that ES and the women like her are similar to yourself. I disagree with that thought. I can tell the difference between a girl who knows what she wants and a lady who is just confused.

 

This kind of falls into the "love at first sight" debate.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Not this gal. Prince Charming is for fairy tales. Yikes.

 

Not interested in:

 

Prince Charming

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

The Artist Formerly Known As

Princes In the Tower

Prince Ferdinand or any of the Disney Princes

Prince Harry (or any of the princes in the world for that matter)

 

The only boxes "he" has to tic off for me are:

 

• Has a job with health insurance
  
• Not be a serial killer or rapist
  
• Have things in common with me and also be different
  
• When I walk in the door,after I give my monologue about living in a cynical world he says "you had me at 'Hello'" and then we make out in front of my sister's nursing union meeting and then book a trip to Mystic, Connecticut while we watch the movie Mystic Pizza
  
• Has a sense of humor and maybe traveled around a bit
  

 

Okay. That's it. When I win the lottery...you, me and katiegrl are going out for drinks and fun convos at Universal Studios City Walk! My treat! Don't know what state (or country) you're in, but you just sound like fun to talk and hang out with! And so does katiegrl. My kind of peoples!

 

 

.

[writergal]

Okay. That's it. When I win the lottery...you, me and katiegrl are going out for drinks and fun convos at Universal Studios City Walk! My treat! Don't know what state (or country) you're in, but you just sound like fun to talk and hang out with! And so does katiegrl. My kind of peoples!

 

 

.

 

Woo hoo sounds like fun! I'm in Minnesota where's it's only warm for about 4 months of the year.

 

It's hard for me to take conversations about online dating seriously because I've had such horrible experiences with it. I mean, I don't want Prince Charming. Just Mr. Normal With A Job. I don't have low dating standards, just realistic ones. Know what I mean?

[xxoo]

Pretty much exactly the problem.

 

Dating is dating. It doesn't matter how you initially contact the other person. Just sit back and enjoy it for what it is...

 

The difference I see is that, in the real world, you've already met, and if you agree to a date, it is because you felt some interest on some level.

 

OLD is more like a blind date, where you are meeting people who you never may have agreed to go on a date with if you'd met them IRL first. So I can see how that would be discouraging.

[Weezy1973]

Woo hoo sounds like fun! I'm in Minnesota where's it's only warm for about 4 months of the year.

 

It's hard for me to take conversations about online dating seriously because I've had such horrible experiences with it. I mean, I don't want Prince Charming. Just Mr. Normal With A Job. I don't have low dating standards, just realistic ones. Know what I mean?

 

But so many people easily find "Mr. Normal With A Job." What do you think you're doing wrong?

[Weezy1973]

The difference I see is that, in the real world, you've already met, and if you agree to a date, it is because you felt some interest on some level.

 

OLD is more like a blind date, where you are meeting people who you never may have agreed to go on a date with if you'd met them IRL first. So I can see how that would be discouraging.

 

Yes, exactly - with OLD you're essentially meeting a stranger or, you've been messaging for awhile and built up a fantasy of that other person. If you meet over time IRL, you already have an idea of what they're like and you're dating them because of what you already know.

[Phoe]

The fakeness of OLD to me, can be easily explained away as normal "early dating" behavior.

 

While my experience on OLD is definitely brief and limited, I found that it wasn't necessarily a "fakeness", but a hyper-vigilance of sorts. An attempt to be on one's best behavior, or to project the best image of themselves. Which, technically, will be found in all forms of dating, to begin with. Even when folks meet dates IRL, there's that tendency to be on one's best behavior, to try to look their best.

 

The upside of OLD, of course, is knowing that people are on the site specifically with intentions of dating. There's none of that guesswork that comes from trying to pursue people IRL.

 

Then of course there are those folks who totally lack that hyper-vigilance and good behavior, and seem oblivious to the things they say. The OLD profile that says "**** these fake bitches, no one writes back, if you want someone who's real, then hit me up yourself" - Oh yes. That's mighty enticing. -___- Perhaps in that case a little bit of fakeness in the form of holding back that negativity, would be a good thing, haha.

[Erised]

I don't do online dating now because I don't want any more possibilities and life provides too many already, but I liked it when I did it. Got to know more about people beyond the physical before wasting time and energy going out, and I met a lot of wonderful guys. Stayed friends with most of them! I was pleased with it. Didn't find it any worse than guys I met day to day.

[KatZee]

What you're misunderstanding...with regard to dating and losing faith... is finding the one guy who has the character/personality traits we're looking for who is actually interested in pursuing a monogamous relationship; especially when dating via OLD as well as IRL.

 

Yes, average looking women, pretty women, cute women and "hot" women DO have success with regard to DATING - but a lot of them do not have success with regard to securing a healthy and stable relationship with any of the guys they date.

 

^^^ Exactly that.

 

I don't have ANY trouble getting dates. I could be going on two dates per day if I really hated myself.

 

The issue is finding someone who's mentally and emotionally available to be with me and ONLY me, who I am also attracted to.

 

Every guy I've been into physically and personality wise has always been unavailable in the sense that they weren't looking for a full time girlfriend. They just wanted someone to have fun with when they had some free time off from a heavy work schedule.

[Woggle]

I don't know what part of New York you live in but maybe consider dating a guy from one of the more down to earth parts like Queens or Long Island. That way you get away from the Manhattan types but still are very close to work.

[Weezy1973]

Every guy I've been into physically and personality wise has always been unavailable in the sense that they weren't looking for a full time girlfriend. They just wanted someone to have fun with when they had some free time off from a heavy work schedule.

 

So you're only attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Now we know the problem - how are you going to fix it?

[SawtoothMars]

^^^ Exactly that.

I don't have ANY trouble getting dates. I could be going on two dates per day if I really hated myself.

The issue is finding someone who's mentally and emotionally available to be with me and ONLY me, who I am also attracted to.

Every guy I've been into physically and personality wise has always been unavailable in the sense that they weren't looking for a full time girlfriend. They just wanted someone to have fun with when they had some free time off from a heavy work schedule.

 

Even superstars get married. If the guys you are seeing only want casual sex... it means they don't see you as relationship material.

 

That is the female equivalent of guys who can't get past the second date...

[Auspecial]

if you're picking men to be interested in who are unavailable? because they're unavailable? Just asking.

 

I don't think she is picking unavailable men. I think predatory married men are casting out their nets, and she is finding herself in them, sometimes.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The difference I see is that, in the real world, you've already met, and if you agree to a date, it is because you felt some interest on some level.

 

OLD is more like a blind date, where you are meeting people who you never may have agreed to go on a date with if you'd met them IRL first. So I can see how that would be discouraging.

 

 

Yeah this exactly. I would say that nearly 50% of the men I met on OLD, I knew I wasn't attracted to AT ALL as soon as we met. Then I had to sit through awkward 1 hour coffee date and go home wanting to cry. It's awful.

 

Even if I chat to a guy for 5 mins in a bar, I can establish if I am attracted enough to go on a date. It's not even just looks; it's voice, mannerisms, smell, vibe...

[SawtoothMars]

Yeah this exactly. I would say that nearly 50% of the men I met on OLD, I knew I wasn't attracted to AT ALL as soon as we met. Then I had to sit through awkward 1 hour coffee date and go home wanting to cry. It's awful.

Even if I chat to a guy for 5 mins in a bar, I can establish if I am attracted enough to go on a date. It's not even just looks; it's voice, mannerisms, smell, vibe...

 

It's just coffee. I've had dates show up 100lbs off their profile and it doesn't bother me much. Maybe it's your attitude that is the issue.

 

I enjoy meeting new people and I don't feel the need to pass judgment on them.

[BluEyeL]

No need to go home and cry. Just go for cofee spend 30 minutes talking to a human being. It's just a f.uc.king date, not your last chance at love!

 

OLD is simply a relatively new TOOL to meet people, the best since the single's dance. It's a tool. If you don't know how to,or don't like to use it, don't use it then. But then people complain that they don't meet enough people in real life. Well, duh... Woe is me! Online I meet too many people, in real life I don't meet enough! You have to either work your arse off and meet more people in real life, OR work your arse off and go on too many online dates with ugly dudes. Nothing is easy in life, I thought most folks got that by now. But how come more and more people find love and get married from online dating??

 

Now about the women who don't meet good men and men who don't get messaged by attractive women. I think what happens is inflated physical expectations on both of these sides of the fence. So if I made a diagram category A females only want category A males. Category B females only want category A males as well, who reject them because they can have both category A and category B females. So some of the category A males (i.e. the "hot, rich charming blah blah), if not most, want to eff both A girls and B girls because they can! So they won't stay with you, especially if you are a B girl. And if you are a B girl, the B guys also don't want you LOL And those who do, you don't want. Impossible situation!!

 

Same for men, category B men (average and below) only want category A women. And category A women don't want them.

 

So everyone chases the top 5% of people of the opposite gender, and then the 5 percenters sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

 

It's not about "there are no good men left". It's just that there perhaps are no hot good men left, they get snatched up or are not interested in a serious relationship because they have too much sex already. And it's not that b"itches don't respond back, it's just only the fat and ugly respond back. Perhaps stop being so shallow, both sides and things would work out better for you.

[Gary S]

It's true, there are problems with online dating, it's no silver bullet.

 

It is a blind date, pictures are not enough. You may find out within minutes of meeting the person you are not attracted to them.

 

But it is one of the top ways to meet someone these days... right alongside blind dates set up by friends and family.

 

Another problem with online dating - it's a repository for undesirables. They have to end up somewhere. I've never seen so many on the rebound and crazy people in all of my life Thank goodness you only need to find one good one.

[Gaeta]

Yeah this exactly. I would say that nearly 50% of the men I met on OLD, I knew I wasn't attracted to AT ALL as soon as we met. Then I had to sit through awkward 1 hour coffee date and go home wanting to cry. It's awful.

 

Why so much drama?

 

I met plenty of men I didn't feel attracted towards and still had a good time over coffee. One of them made me laugh 2 hours none stop! Another became one of my best friend.

 

Could you be a little anti-social to start with?

[Erised]

It's just coffee. I've had dates show up 100lbs off their profile and it doesn't bother me much. Maybe it's your attitude that is the issue.

 

I enjoy meeting new people and I don't feel the need to pass judgment on them.

 

 

I never wanted to cry because I was not interested in someone... And I personaly know better about attraction meeting online first because it's far more mental than physical for me. the lowest attraction I've had on dates have been cold approaches where I didn't have time to figure out their intellect and humor.

 

I always wonder if the people who have such a bad experiences online are all going after a very small subset. I know plenty of men and women who enjoy it and have great luck- and not just for sex or dates but relationships.

 

plenty of relationship minded men on there, for sure. That's part of why I'm NOT on there!

 

Though, things aren't only good if they end in relationships. Friendships are good, too.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Yeah this exactly. I would say that nearly 50% of the men I met on OLD, I knew I wasn't attracted to AT ALL as soon as we met. Then I had to sit through awkward 1 hour coffee date and go home wanting to cry. It's awful.

 

Even if I chat to a guy for 5 mins in a bar, I can establish if I am attracted enough to go on a date. It's not even just looks; it's voice, mannerisms, smell, vibe...

 

Welcome to the world of dating, guys get it too. There are always people you just aren't interested in.

 

Usually you can just relax and have a good time and chitchat. If the guy is coming on very strong, or its REALLY weird, you can just leave. At a first meet there really aren't many expectations.

 

I had one date with a girl I was only lukewarm about, and I just went with along with it. It turned out we both worked at the same place before so we were able to share stories and it was still fun

 

 

Yes you might be able to find that spark faster in 5 minutes at the bar, but you don't know if they want kids, want to get married, if they are divorced, or all kinds of other info that you get a snapshot of in OLD. You need to balance Chemistry vs Compatibility.