shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Now, i know what you'll all say, too young, too naive, don't know what out there etc... But i think I'm going to be with my boyfriend very long term. We've been together for 8 months and we have plans for the future and talk of moving in & marriage and even working as business partners in the future. (I'm in school for business admin) he's twenty-six and says he wants to spend his life w me. Our biggest fight was when something i posted in another thread, and thats been resolved and worked on so well it's great. He shows me that he genuinely wants to be w me and loves me. We even have a dog. I've dated, slept with and met my fair share of guys in the past, but i absolutely love and adore this man. I've been through spiritual growths and have had many revelations that tend to separate myself from a lot of people my age, and my friends my age (2 of them) think I'm "wise" but all I'm using is my common sense. I'm in school school, and doing well also. Sometimes when i look at the threads and see how younger people are viewed as far as a relationship going, i become a little confused because how i feel seems so solid. And i know i may be you but i feel as if i know what i want and what i don't.
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 As a generalization it's true. Many younger people are unwilling to commit. Also we have all seen plenty of young people, including ourselves, grow and change as they aged & matured. Personally, as much as I "loved" them then, I can't imagine myself married to the guys I dated in my college years & early 20s. You may be the exception that proves the rule but that doesn't make the generalization any less accurate. 11
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 As a generalization it's true. Many younger people are unwilling to commit. Also we have all seen plenty of young people, including ourselves, grow and change as they aged & matured. Personally, as much as I "loved" them then, I can't imagine myself married to the guys I dated in my college years & early 20s. You may be the exception that proves the rule but that doesn't make the generalization any less accurate. I suppose I agree. My friends go through relationship problems that don't really need to be happening And then would tell me how they are jealous of my relationship, but then would go back to being in an unhappy and stressful situation, but wanting it to turn into a fairytale. I tell them that it's okay to be single then blah blah blah, people will do what they want to do at the end of the day, no matter what the advice. So i see how i could be an exception, but i just dont see it as being that uncommon.
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 So sorry about the grammar in the first post. My phone's auto correct is going nuts....
PogoStick Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Maybe you do have many things figured out and stumbled upon the right guy while you're young. Talking about yourself as an outlier doesn't change the averages. Most young people jump into that stuff too quick and regret it later. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 It is possible. I have 3 friends who are married to their HS sweethearts. I have another 1/2 dozen or so friends who are married to their college sweethearts. All have either passed or are coming up on their 25th wedding anniversary. All but one set graduated from at least college before getting married. All had good jobs before having kids. None were without problems. Some people are just lucky in that they find that special person early. Others it takes longer.
Gaeta Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I was married at 20 and a mother at 21. I had not yet figured out who I was that I was committing to another person and to motherhood. From the age of 20 to 30 I grew up in the woman I was meant to be and that was not compatible with the man I had married. Some make it when they marry young, I know plenty of couples my generation who made it from the age of 19-20 but they all had a big relationship crisis at their mid-30s. It's often there that you decide if you make it or break it. 2
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 We have set milestones, as far are these things go, marriage, and mids and moving in, so we don't make any impulsive mistakes. We've agreed on me moving in and sharing an apartment by this time next year. Marriage being once I'm finished w school, and so on. We both established that I'm a little younger and there's always possibility of whats to happen, but they way things are now, I like the path we are taking. We even took a roadtrip to see my mom and stayed w her a few months ago.
SawtoothMars Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Now, i know what you'll all say, too young, too naive, don't know what out there et Sometimes when i look at the threads and see how younger people are viewed as far as a relationship going, i become a little confused because how i feel seems so solid. And i know i may be you but i feel as if i know what i want and what i don't. Our brains don't fully develop until around 22. I got married at 20... And by 25 we were both very different people. I don't regret getting married young, even though the marriage didn't last... It is a large part of why I'm so successful today. I think it's better to be serious in dating at any age. People who play at it don't get the kind of experience they really need. They spend a lot of time focusing on what they want out of others... and never really learn to give. My advice to you is that you do what feels right and hold no regrets. If you choose a long term serious relationship, expect that you will both grow and change over time. You have to BOTH work hard to grow together and not apart. 1
ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 My take on this is perhaps general but too often I think we as people put a premium on what society expects and what society deems to be "normal". Yes, in many cases young people cant commit but there are always exceptions! I am glad you have found someone you really adore! 1
Hawaii51 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Why would you give it all away at a point in your when you know absolutely everything?!
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Now, i know what you'll all say, too young, too naive, don't know what out there etc... But i think I'm going to be with my boyfriend very long term. We've been together for 8 months and we have plans for the future and talk of moving in & marriage and even working as business partners in the future. (I'm in school for business admin) he's twenty-six and says he wants to spend his life w me. Our biggest fight was when something i posted in another thread, and thats been resolved and worked on so well it's great. He shows me that he genuinely wants to be w me and loves me. We even have a dog. I've dated, slept with and met my fair share of guys in the past, but i absolutely love and adore this man. I've been through spiritual growths and have had many revelations that tend to separate myself from a lot of people my age, and my friends my age (2 of them) think I'm "wise" but all I'm using is my common sense. I'm in school school, and doing well also. Sometimes when i look at the threads and see how younger people are viewed as far as a relationship going, i become a little confused because how i feel seems so solid. And i know i may be you but i feel as if i know what i want and what i don't. I think it can work, and it sometimes does, but life has a nasty habit of biting us when we least expect it to, and that is why the thought of young serious relationships lasting the course, is viewed with such scepticism by older people. To be long lasting, they need a lot of work and some are just not prepared for how they and their partner may change over time and how the goals and expectations that at one point seemed totally in tune, may actually turn out to be mismatched. Enjoy what you have for as long as you have it, you may be one of the lucky ones, I hope so. 1
loveweary11 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 There's really nothing unrealistic about it. My ex wife was 20 when we met, 22 when we were married. The marriage lasted 10 years. It really depends on the individual.
xxoo Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I married at 20. It was a great decision, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to spend my best years with the love of my life. I feel blessed and lucky. We did wait a while before having kids, and I think that was wise. It let us be young and free for a while, even while married, before settling into full adult responsibilities. 2
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Why would you give it all away at a point in your when you know absolutely everything?! What do you mean?
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I married at 20. It was a great decision, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to spend my best years with the love of my life. I feel blessed and lucky. We did wait a while before having kids, and I think that was wise. It let us be young and free for a while, even while married, before settling into full adult responsibilities. That's what my parents did. Married at 19. Had me at 30. Together until my father passed away when I was young. It sounds ideal. Minus the death
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 My take on this is perhaps general but too often I think we as people put a premium on what society expects and what society deems to be "normal". Yes, in many cases young people cant commit but there are always exceptions! I am glad you have found someone you really adore! Never though of it that way.
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I think it can work, and it sometimes does, but life has a nasty habit of biting us when we least expect it to, and that is why the thought of young serious relationships lasting the course, is viewed with such scepticism by older people. To be long lasting, they need a lot of work and some are just not prepared for how they and their partner may change over time and how the goals and expectations that at one point seemed totally in tune, may actually turn out to be mismatched. Enjoy what you have for as long as you have it, you may be one of the lucky ones, I hope so. Thanks, I hope so too.
BlueIris Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I also have many friends and family who have been with the same person since HS or college. They share a certain perspective about marriage and life. My daughter just married the man she met in college and they're terrific together. Like virtually everything, it's an individual thing so I don't see it as unrealistic at all.
preraph Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Most people at 20 haven't even really discovered themselves. You do a whole lot of growing and development in your early 20s. Your brain is literally not done developing until later 20s. So you literally CAN'T be fully mature at your age, no matter how good your intentions. Your brain is still developing, and the last part to develop is the part that can predict consequences of actions. So I can't speak for everyone, but that is one big reason why I would never advocate someone of your age marry and start a family. You cannot conceive of how many roads that will close to you and how much work it will be and how stuck in place you will be until the kids are older. Now, marrying young and not having kids, nothing wrong with that, but don't expect to be together forever.
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 The other poster's stories are much different from yours, because they rushed into marriage and having babies.....that's where they had failed. You both have set shared goals, you are not rushing into anything, you are just planning......this means you will most likely have more success than what the other posters had experienced. 1
edgygirl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I'd be divorced by now if I married my "love of my life" boyfriends from high school and college. I changed as a person, I see the world differently and all I thought I knew back then is not how I see life now. But my sister married at age 22 and just celebrated 30 years of a happy marriage. It can go both ways I guess. I think she matured earlier than me and knew already what she needed back then. Looking back I can say in my 20s I honestly didn't. 2
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 Most people at 20 haven't even really discovered themselves. You do a whole lot of growing and development in your early 20s. Your brain is literally not done developing until later 20s. So you literally CAN'T be fully mature at your age, no matter how good your intentions. Your brain is still developing, and the last part to develop is the part that can predict consequences of actions. So I can't speak for everyone, but that is one big reason why I would never advocate someone of your age marry and start a family. You cannot conceive of how many roads that will close to you and how much work it will be and how stuck in place you will be until the kids are older. Now, marrying young and not having kids, nothing wrong with that, but don't expect to be together forever. So would you feel that I'd be the one to change and leave the relationship because of my youth? He's accepted the fact that I have room to grow, but likes where I'm going. He encourages me to do what makes me happy and be the person I want to be. But In say, 2 years, would you think I've been completely changed in a way where I would leave? Or would I be relatively the same? Oh how I wish you guys knew me more personally...
xxoo Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 That's what my parents did. Married at 19. Had me at 30. Together until my father passed away when I was young. It sounds ideal. Minus the death I'm sorry about your father's passing And yes, it is ideal....if it works out. That's the part that is a gamble. It's hard to predict if it will work out. When it does, it is a wonderful blessing! The trick to it working out is gratitude. Never take each other for granted. Both people need to remember to appreciate and protect this great love. It's human nature to grow complacent and long for excitement elsewhere. And the catch is that you can only control your own gratitude, and are at the mercy of your partner to have the character to hold up their end. 1
Author shvrk Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 I'd be divorced by now if I married my "love of my life" boyfriends from high school and college. I changed as a person, I see the world differently and all I thought I knew back then is not how I see life now. But my sister married at age 22 and just celebrated 30 years of a happy marriage. It can go both ways I guess. I think she matured earlier than me and knew already what she needed back then. Looking back I can say in my 20s I honestly didn't. What exactly would you say is knowing what you want? Out of life or in a man? What would be an unhealthy want? (Silly question, but I've got older/more experienced posters in here, I wanna know whats up!)
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