LoverOfDance Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 So I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship. I think it's because I'm too picky. My deal breakers are smoking (huge turn off but if he is trying to quit I would give things a try if I like him) and drugs (absolute NO NO). I am very active so I like guys who are fit like myself. I also like nice guys - guys who treat me well. I like guys who are taller than me and finally, I like a guy with a nice face. That is, I find his facial features attractive. From all that I have listed, do you think I am too picky? I'm beginning to think I am.
Auspecial Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 No I think it just hasn't been the right timing. Timing is everything, and you have no control over it. Just keep trying to be the best you can be for yourself and it will happen when its supposed to happen. 1
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 So I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship. I think it's because I'm too picky. My deal breakers are smoking (huge turn off but if he is trying to quit I would give things a try if I like him) and drugs (absolute NO NO). I am very active so I like guys who are fit like myself. I also like nice guys - guys who treat me well. I like guys who are taller than me and finally, I like a guy with a nice face. That is, I find his facial features attractive. From all that I have listed, do you think I am too picky? I'm beginning to think I am. Hell no..are you kidding? Frankly, those care pretty much my dealbreakers too! I mean what's the alternative? Being with someone who is slowly killing himself with nicotine ... and stinks to boot? Being with someone who dislikes his life so much he needs to alter it with drugs to feel good? Being with someone who is lazy and takes no pride in himself and his appearance? Being with douchebags who treat you like crap? Being with someone you DON'T find attractive? No thank you! 3
Leigh 87 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Hell no..are you kidding? Frankly, those care pretty much my dealbreakers too! I mean what's the alternative? Being with someone who is slowly killing himself with nicotine ... and stinks to boot? Being with someone who dislikes his life so much he needs to alter it with drugs to feel good? Being with someone who is lazy and takes no pride in himself and his appearance? Being with douchebags who treat you like crap? Being with someone you DON'T find attractive? No thank you! Sadly, some women aren't attractive enough to be able to select from men who they are attracted to and who also want them. Much less men who are non smokers or aren't lacking in character. I am one of these women. We want what we want but we likely won't get it.
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Sadly, some women aren't attractive enough to be able to select from men who they are attracted to and who also want them. Much less men who are non smokers or aren't lacking in character. I am one of these women. We want what we want but we likely won't get it. Leigh, attractiveness is subjective. It's all about how you feel about yourself (on the inside), and you don't need to look like a super model to feel good about yourself. Don't settle! 2
Buddhist Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 My deal breakers are smoking (huge turn off but if he is trying to quit I would give things a try if I like him) and drugs (absolute NO NO). I am very active so I like guys who are fit like myself. I also like nice guys - guys who treat me well. I like guys who are taller than me and finally, I like a guy with a nice face. That is, I find his facial features attractive. In a nutshell? No. These aren't sky-high desires. But I think you will probably find this guy more successfully out of the mainstream dating haunts. You are more likely to find him in a sports club or special interest group. I'm thinking athlete here because being one would preclude things like smoking and recreational drugs (we hope anyway). 2
Buddhist Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Sadly, some women aren't attractive enough to be able to select from men who they are attracted to and who also want them. I always thought I fell squarely into that category. Turns out I scrub up pretty nice, and am attractive to guys I find highly attractive. The difference was a bit of fashion sense (I had no idea how to dress myself in my 20's) and a bit of confidence. 1
h0000 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 It really depends on attractive you want him to be and how attractive yourself are. You can be unrealistic or you just haven't met that one yet.
GTR King Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Your not being to picky at all.. you will find the right one someday... I have my standards I don't date people who smoke have tattoos and who are over weight other than that I don't mind who I date
katiegrl Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Your not being to picky at all.. you will find the right one someday... I have my standards I don't date people who smoke have tattoos and who are over weight other than that I don't mind who I date Of course you also want a woman who treats you well, no? I don't understand why that's even on anyone's *dealbreaker* list. Wanting to be treated well by your SO is just a given.
h0000 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Of course you also want a woman who treats you well, no? I don't understand why that's even on anyone's *dealbreaker* list. Wanting to be treated well by your SO is just a given. I think everybody has different ideas regarding what is "treating me well". OP's description is rather vague. So apart from don't smoke and don't do drugs, she also wants someone who has a nice body, a nice face, a nice personality and treats her well. If her definition of nice body, nice face is like Jason Stantham, and nice personality is like "he should put me as first priority or he doesn't care", then yes, she is too picky. Many times though, if you never had a relationship and you aren't that young, it IS because you are too picky.
Kamille Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 There's nothing outstanding in your list of deal breakers - so I doubt it explains why you're single. I also don't believe in that "only the extremely attractive people get to choose" line. Look around: most people have something beautiful about them. And not everyone in happy relationships looks like a super model. Here's what I wish I had known in my early 20s: 1. Focus on getting to know the guys in your life, not on wanting a relationship. 2. Learn to flirt: finds ways to subtly communicate your interest in guys. This was the biggest challenge for me, but once I did, my dating life took off. 3. Once you learn to flirt and communicate interest: don't waste time on guys who don't seem to reciprocate. Don't analyse every single interaction. If you've communicated your interest and a guy doesn't act, move on. It likely means nothing about you and there are plenty of other men out there. 4. Relationship-minded men want healthy relationships: this means don't put up with drama or produce unnecessary drama. 5. Have fun. Dating is fun once you get the hang of it. Enjoy it. You're 23, there is no big rush to settle. Don't hang your self-esteem on the balance of "never had a relationship). Go out there and enjoy learning to flirt with men. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) So I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship. I think it's because I'm too picky. My deal breakers are smoking (huge turn off but if he is trying to quit I would give things a try if I like him) and drugs (absolute NO NO). I am very active so I like guys who are fit like myself. I also like nice guys - guys who treat me well. I like guys who are taller than me and finally, I like a guy with a nice face. That is, I find his facial features attractive. From all that I have listed, do you think I am too picky? I'm beginning to think I am. It's funny because I'm around fit women all the time working as a personal trainer. But they're clients and various members of old gyms I trained out of. All the women I've dated over the years either hated to workout, or liked being active in other ways like hiking, etc.. Yet none shared my passion for hardcore fitness. So I definitely get the frustration there. However, my GF is very into fitness and it's a welcome change. We're actually going indoor rock climbing today! But your list of "demands" doesn't really seem unreasonable to be honest. I don't want a woman that does drugs or smokes, and obviously you want someone you enjoy looking at and kissing. Edited April 4, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
loveweary11 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 So I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship. I think it's because I'm too picky. My deal breakers are smoking (huge turn off but if he is trying to quit I would give things a try if I like him) and drugs (absolute NO NO). I am very active so I like guys who are fit like myself. I also like nice guys - guys who treat me well. I like guys who are taller than me and finally, I like a guy with a nice face. That is, I find his facial features attractive. From all that I have listed, do you think I am too picky? I'm beginning to think I am. Sounds exactly like my checklist. Is it too much to ask to have someone not on drugs that doesn't smoke? I don't think that's a lot to ask. And I prefer shorter, thin women. We appear to have the same number of and similar deal breakers. However, I'm single and looking for these too. So maybe it is a lot to ask of the available dating pool!! 1
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 You aren't too picky at all. However, I need to know what you are doing to try to meet men? You have to be an active participant, not passive. You can't sit home behind your computer & lament.
Author LoverOfDance Posted April 4, 2015 Author Posted April 4, 2015 @h0000 Jason Statham is handsome. But to be honest, I personally wouldn't drool over him. And this is where the whole beauty is subjective thing comes in. I am not that attracted to him. But he is definitely handsome and many women would fight each other for him, lol. @Buddhist That sounds like a good idea. I'll definitely try visiting sports clubs more often when I'm less busy. Who knows what I might find :-) @Kamille I'm not the best when it comes to flirting and making my interest known. I definitely need to work on that, thanks. @d0nivain I am currently on Okcupid but aside from that, I haven't been able to meet guys anywhere else.
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 @d0nivain I am currently on Okcupid but aside from that, I haven't been able to meet guys anywhere else. OLD alone is rarely enough. Are you a member of any groups? Have you told friends & family you are open to being fixed up? Do you look around as part of your daily routine, meaning who's there every morning when you get your coffee? Are you approachable or do you walk around with a cloud over your head & a metaphorical "do not disturb" sign around your neck?
ZA Dater Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I don't think you are being particularly picky, as an aside you are quite young so you have time on your side. For better or for worse I firmly believe one shouldn't settle for something that you don't want. I wouldn't go with the mind set you are being picky, rather be glad you have an idea what you like because many people actually don't! 1
PogoStick Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 One of my deal breakers is an uptight, righteous girl, who thinks any drug use is a horrible act.
lana-banana Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 (edited) Objecting to drug use isn't self-righteous or uptight. If you work for law enforcement, state/federal government, health care, etc then drug use is absolutely not acceptable, period. That rule often extends to associations with users too. My employer would fire me in a heartbeat if I dated a drug user. I don't really care what people do with their free time but it's just not compatible with my lifestyle and career. Edited April 4, 2015 by lana-banana
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